Moms and Maids

MIL taking over

My mother in law wants to spend every minute of the big day with me.  I'm talking the salon, lunch, getting ready, WP pictures, riding in the limo. 

While I don't mind her being there, I want to spend at least SOME alone time with my mom.  I was planning on just sneaking away for a bit so my mom and I can talk, take a breather and have a moment to give her a present. 

This shouldn't be a problem, except, I fear it will upset my FMIL.

When she found out that there was an hour at the salon where she wouldn't be with me, I kid you not, she cried!  And then proceeded to ask me if she did something wrong, if I was ashamed of her, if she just shouldn't come see me at all the day of.....

I don't know how to address all this.  My FMIL is overly emotional with the wedding a month away, but my mom is so gentle that if the day comes and FMIL starts 'taking over', my mother would never, ever say anything.

And i worry my mom will look back on her only daughters wedding and think that she didn't get to spend time with me like she wanted.

So, what can I say or do to make everyone happy?  I"m at a loss because I don't know what i can say that won't sound like "FMIL, I need some real mom time"

Please help!  

Re: MIL taking over

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Your FMIL sounds over dramatic and let's face it, a little self absorbed. Her crying fit because she won't get to see you for an hour is childish, she needs to stop taking things so personally. She needs to understand that you want some one on one time with your mom. I think you have invited her to enough, if she gets offended because you want to be just your mom and you then that's too bad. I would try to suggest having her spend some one on one time with her son so she can see him get ready. I think she may be a little crazy if she can't understand that you just want time with your mom be it getting ready or just alone time to talk. 

    So not much advice to give besides maybe getting your FI involve and see if he can convince her to be with him for awhile. But don't feel bad about hurting her feelings, she is being over dramatic. She is lucky that you are being nice in letting her come to all the getting ready things because you certain do not have to invite her to them.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    ditto AutumnFair

    It's nice that you have invited her to get ready with you and your mom. It's really okay to set some boundaries. Don't feel guilty about wanting alone time with your own mom.

    Ask your fi to invite his mom to spend some time with him before the ceremony. He could take her out for breakfast and maybe she could stick around while her son gets ready for his big day.

    Good luck.

  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ask your Fl to talk about it with his mom.  Tell him to let her know, gently, that while you love spending time with her, it is your mothers place to be with the bride and not hers all day and maybe she should be careful she doesn't overstep her boundaries and give your mom some time with you.  I think if your Fl words it right and invites her to spend time with him and the boys, she'll understand.

    Maybe she just hasn't looked at it from the point of your mom yet. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Double ditto Autumnfair.
  • jcamm11jcamm11 member
    edited December 2011
    I agree with having your FI plan something with her.  That's a much better option than explaining to her you don't want her around.

    I don't think your Mom would be too upset by not having 1 on 1 time with you on your wedding day though.  All the weddings I've been in and my own won't consist of any 1 on 1 Mom time.  There's just too much to do.
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  • Enchanted616Enchanted616 member
    edited December 2011
    Totally agree with everyone that your  FI should ask her to spend some time helping him get ready or whatever hes doing earlier that day. 

    And, yea, shes being incredibly dramatic.

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  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    edited December 2011
    I would also talk to your FI about possible reasons for her reactions.  Does she have a daughter or any other children? There could be reasons from the she didnt get the wedding she wanted; to the serious....she gave up a daughter for adoption before getting married, or had a miscarriage etc.  I would let your FI handle it but I would not dismiss her as BSC entirely right away. For her to cry over something that seems so silly, I would imagine she is having some sory of emotional issue that probably has not been brought to light yet.
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