FMIL won't call me fiance

brimorey

My FMIL still introduces me as her son's girlfriend! She is having a hard time letting go of her little boy, but I feel hurt when she does this. I don't know if she just thinks there's no difference between a girlfriend ad fiance, or if she's doing it on purpose because she just can't let go! It's only happened twice, but I feel everytime like I'm just not getting the respect from her that I should get as her son's future wife.
I don't want to insult her, but I also don't want to let her walk all over me!

brimorey

LOL! I'm going to call myself the child-corrupting wench from now on! If anything, though, he's become a lot more responsible since we got together!

AutumnFair

Let it go for now. But if she keeps doing it I would have your FI correct her, not you. 

Muffin'sMom

What Autumn said....

aerinpegadrak

DH's mom still can't get my name right.  She gets me mixed up with her granddaughter (which does admittedly sound a tiny bit similar) pretty much constantly.  I don't take it personally, she's just a little dim.  Not just for this reason, in general it's very difficult to explain things to her.

[Deleted User]

I don't think it is a big deal. Just remind her and hopefully she will get it. It is probably just what she is used to esp if you just recently got engaged.

mysticl

Some people just don't use those terms.  I know a woman who never called her finance her finance, she went from calling him her boyfriend to calling him her husband. 

lalap69

I don't think it's a big deal.  When my sister got engaged, I still used the word boyfriend and she'd get mad at me, but it was just that I wasn't used to the word fiance.  Now that I'm engaged, I still struggle with the word, and usually just say boyfriend anyway.  You might have your FI say something (gently) to her about it, but unless it's coupled with other actions suggesting that you're not welcome/respected, I'd let it go.

tpender13

Is she cool w/you otherwise? If she is, and this thing bothers you, I would just make sure to have FI correct her. Or correct her yourself if he's not around. If you say it nicely, I'm sure it won't be a big deal. She probably just doesn't realize it bothers you.

If she's mean to you or otherwise makes it clear that she doesn't like you, and you suspect she's doing it because she knows it bugs you, then FI needs to have a more serious conversation with her.

Miss_Sophia

I know for a fact my grandparents love my FI but anytime they talk about us or introduce him to someone they know they refer to him as my boyfriend, still! Not to mention our wedding is in less then a month (yikes!).

I've just chalked it up to how they were brought up and generational differences. I do find it slightly amusing because FI has a last name that is hard for some to pronounce and my grandmother is terrifed of pronouncing it incorrectly. You can see the gears in her head spinning before she says it. It's very cute.

tldh

If she's introducing you, I'm going to guess you are there when she says it.  I'm also going to guess that you have a nice sparkler on you left hand that you can subtly wave (adjust a strap, fix a flyaway hair, etc.) to let them know you're more than a girlfriend which the person to whom you are being introduced may point out themself.

If it really bothers you though, let your FI talk to her about it.  Mine went off on his sister who kept calling me by a nickname that I never use, but happens to be what an old girlfriend of his went by.  It didn't bother me but boy did it bother him.

marissa_claire

It could be a slip too!  It takes a while to get comfortable with the F-word (ha) and if she's been used to introducing you as a GF in the past, that might be just it! 

noodle_oo

How long have you been engaged?  It took me months to remember to say FI when we were engaged.  Now that we're married, I keep forgetting and calling my husband my fiance!  Other people actually notice it and correct me!  It is kind of funny.

Anyway, she might just be forgetful and not doing it on purpose.  As others asked, how is your relationship otherwise?  The FI thing is pretty minor, so I'd just try not to let it bother you (who really cares anyway?).  If you guys have bigger issues, that's something you might want to talk about.  But whether she calls you her son's FI, girlfriend, whatever, why does it matter? 

CSTK1910

Yeah, I doubt it is intentional (but I guess you would be a better judge of that.) If you don't think she means anything by it, I would just make a joke of it. "Actually I'm the fiancee now...I guess you're stuck with me, haha." It points it out but in a friendly way.

bablingbrooke

My ILs started referring to me as their DIL two months after DH and I started dating.  You'll be fine.

erollis

Our families adjusted quickly to calling us fiance's/ finacee's. We on the other hand would let slip boyfriend/ girlfriend occasionally. Then we would quickly correct ourself and laugh. It took some time to adjust completely. Don't worry to much. Especially if it is only a couple of times.

526SadieSadie

I sincerely hope this is the biggest problem you ever have with your FMIL.  It's not a big deal.

rien713

My FMIL called me "the woman my son is living with" for a while when FI and I were dating. Actually I still think that's how she describes me on her FB.

Like PP's said, it's probably a harmless slip. I still called FI my boyfriend for weeks after we got engaged, he had to keep correcting me.

bfuller1085

It could always be worse. I was with my ex for almost 3 years and his mother called me his ex's name 1:3 times. And they were broken up over a yr before him and I got together. OR you could have a royal pain in the a like my FMIL and when she calls me her DIL I want to scream "Not yet!" Haha. I wouldn't worry about it.

torascho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-wont-call-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:35584a99-b09c-43ea-bb7d-b66319a11109Post:a514bd35-5dc5-4618-91a2-ade7b89059b0">Re: FMIL won't call me fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]LOL! I'm going to call myself the child-corrupting wench from now on! If anything, though, he's become a lot more responsible since we got together!
Posted by brimorey[/QUOTE]
 
HA! Hon, I completely understand how you feel. Trust me although it sucks to not be given your rightful title It could be worse. My oh so wonderful FMIL has not only forced us to postpone our wedding, does not speak to me, and drove to my father's house ( 2 hours away!) while I was at work to try and make him tell me that I can not get married, but she demands that I go clean her house and other crazy S**T all the time.  Although never to me because that would mean she would have to acknowledge my existance. 

Just have your fiance correct her and hopefully she'll come around if this is the only problem she has with you. Sorry for the Rant ladies!

superjules916

My grandmother called my mom "Marky's little friend" to a woman she was trying to set him up with when they were engaged. She passed before the wedding so future drama was avoided but I guess the point is, it could be worse.

Also, I have a hard time myself remembering to use the fiance word. Some times I'll joke about it when it suits me... like when my sister says (joking) "Oh yea well I'm a better girlfriend than you" or "I have a better boyfriend than you" I'll say, "I'm no one's girlfriend" or "I don't have a boyfriend" but frankly I don't think it really makes a difference.

~moonshine~

I agree with majority of the previous posts.
I still sometimes call my FI my boyfriend. I had his FSIL call my FI my husband, due to being so excited for us to get married. It's most likely just a habit, I would just let it go. If you can't let it go then give it more time to see if the habit changes.