Is this weird?

laurynfaerie

does anyone else think it's a little strange, that when discussing the wedding party, MY mom is pressuring me to have FI sister as a BM?

just wondering, it seems odd to me.

heyimbren

It sounds to me like your mom is encouraging you to embrace your new family

Your wedding isn't for a while though, so I'd recommend that you don't pick a WP yet.

Muffin'sMom

Back in the day, it was the thing to do...and I personally still think it's a nice thing.  My husband has four sisters, and I asked the youngest one to be a bridesmaid.  When my daughter got married, I suggested the same to her and she had her FI sister in her party.

You are combining families...I just think it's a lovely "hand across the table" way to kick things off!

laurynfaerie

i've had three bridesmaids picked since high school. one of them is my sister, i'm considering asking FI's sis, just not sure, but it's true that my wedding is quite a ways off, so we'll see how it plays out thanks for the input

Kristin789

If FI's sister is one of your all-time very closest best friends, then you should have her as a FM.

If FI's sister is one of his all-time very closest best friends to him, then he should have her stand up on his side, or do a reading or something.

If FI's sister is NOT one of his or your all-time very closest best friends, and your mother thinks she should be given some kind of Courtesy BM slot because she's biologically related to FI, then that's just wrong.

artbyallie

My fiancé has two younger siblings, a sister and a brother (now 21 and 19, IIRC). While I am an only child, I pretty much grew up as the older sibling to my cousins, a girl and a boy (now 20 and 17).  So when we started talking about a wedding party, it was pretty easy to figure out that he wanted to include my male cousin, and I wanted to include his sister, since the other two would already be standing up as well.  It just makes for family harmony, and after all, the two families are supposed to be joined by marriage.

Ashes_3

My FI's sister had me in her wedding and I am going to have her in mine. I think it is polite and she will be your sister soon. I know I will see mine often and I like her.

trix1223

My wonderful DIL had both of our DD's in her WP.  My DD had her DH's sister in her WP and our SIL had our son in his WP.  In our family, you absolutely include siblings, both family and future family in your WP. 

I don't think your mom is being weird at all.  I think she's probably encouraging you to start off married life on a positive note with your soon to be in-laws.

[Deleted User]

My husband has one sister, and it was just natural to me to have her in the wedding. I don't think MIL would have said anything, but I love her and we get along great despite the age difference.

I think that if you can have your FSIL in the WP, go for it. I don't think your Mom is being weird, it sounds like she is excited for you and thinks it would be wonderful to include both sides of the family.

lilianne22

I think if you are friends with the sister then it's a good idea.  If you are not close with the sister, don't do it just to appease people.  I asked my FI's two sisters to be my bridesmaids, but I consider them to be good friends so it seemed like a natural choice.

aerinpegadrak

It's not weird, it's common and even expected in a lot of families.  That said, I think that if your FI wants his sister in the WP, she should be on his side.  My brother stood on my side, and one of DH's close female friends was on his side.

But agreed, you don't really have to worry about this until 6-9 months before the wedding, and you can tell your mom that.

TheCranberry

I wasn't planning on having my FI's sister as a BM, and he didn't expect it either.  However, she's really excited for the wedding, which surprised me and FI.  That sounds wrong, we're surprised about HOW excited she is and the fact that she seems so eager to help with everything.  We figured she'd be happy about her bro getting married.  Haha.

Anyway, I am thinking of asking her to be a BM because I think it would be a good gesture and it seems like she'd be touched and would appreciate it.  I think I'd feel resentful if I was coerced into doing it, but I'm actually excited about asking her.  We've hung out a little before but have never been close so maybe this will help us hang out a lot.  Even if it doesn't, I think it'll be a nice thing to do. 

And I'm asking her in addition to the friends I planned on asking.  I'm not "replacing" anyone or not asking anyone because I decided to ask her. 

Maybe if you think about it more you will decide to ask her?  Definitely don't feel coerced into doing it.

~moonshine~

It is very common to have your FI sister on your side, or your brother on his side. A lot choose to do it out of respect. I think your mom is just being considerate. 

I am  having my fiance's FSIL as a bridesmaid, as he considers her a sister, and we get along very well.

I think you should discuss this concern with your FI. As previously mentioned, take into consideration how you guys get a long with her.

laurynfaerie

FI really doesn't care either way, wedding stuff doesn't really interest him yet lol, and i might ask her at some point down the line, if i do it'll be because we've gotten closer, not because my mom thinks i should.
thanks for all your input

suz62984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_this-weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:39eaaf8c-2509-4bbf-82e8-16074bc46eafPost:20e2d9a8-ea99-4e34-b69c-5a1f482a6d3f">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds to me like your mom is encouraging you to embrace your new family :) Your wedding isn't for a while though, so I'd recommend that you don't pick a WP yet.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

This...she probably just wants you to keep the peace with the new family. Nobody wants to be left out of the fun.

marissa_claire

Yeah back in the day there were hardly any friends in the WP - my mom's was entirely her sisters and my dad's unmarried sisters.

lalap69

I'm one of the people that thinks that family should be in the WP.  For our wedding party, however, I'm having my sister, brother and BIL (sister's husband) on my side and FI is having his two brothers and their wives on his side. 

StarfishNJellybean

I actually found that including my FSIL's helped me out of a sticky situation. I have a number of friends who wondered about being BM's, but I have my own sister, my 2 FSIL's, and the friend who introduced my FI and I. And because it's mostly family, no one else was offended.

I think it's sweet that your mom is trying to bring the families together. Bodes well for the future interaction of your two families.