Groom's family!

amanda&tyler143

Help please, I need advice. My FI family is mad because we are only have kegs at our reception. It was going to be a dry wedding because neither of us drink but then we compromised to have beer cause his family does drink. They decided to confront me and tell me I am horrible and making my FI change his ways and he has never been like this before and if there isn't hard alcohol at the wedding then they aren't even going to come cause there is no point. 
I don't really care and would be happy if they didn't come, I feel that this is our day not theirs and if they cannot stay sober for 5 hours then fine don't show up. My FI must not be that important to them. But he does want his family there so what should we do. 
And when i say his family i mean like all 70 of them not just his parents!!!

bethsmiles

All 70 won't come because there isn't hard liquor? wow. Ok well this is something your FI needs to deal with. It's his family so he needs to handle it.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_grooms-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3a2b07aa-2695-4e0a-9915-55d8994c0e12Post:b3ad28a6-7d58-4334-bdde-d10a5ecbcfa1">Groom's family!</a>:
[QUOTE]Help please, I need advice. My FI family is mad because we are only have kegs at our reception. It was going to be a dry wedding because neither of us drink but then we compromised to have beer cause his family does drink. They decided to confront me and tell me I am horrible and making my FI change his ways and he has never been like this before and if there isn't hard alcohol at the wedding then they aren't even going to come cause there is no point.  I don't really care and would be happy if they didn't come, I feel that this is our day not theirs and if they cannot stay sober for 5 hours then fine don't show up. My FI must not be that important to them. But he does want his family there so what should we do.  And when i say his family i mean like all 70 of them not just his parents!!!
Posted by amanda&tyler143[/QUOTE]

<div>It is your FI's job to handle them and stick up for you when they say the nasty comments. If they are really that shallow that they can't have fun without hard liquor for 4-5 hours then too bad, they will look like fools for not showing up for a family member's wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>Personally, I think they are bluffing and will eventually get over that their will only be beer. I would NOT given into something like this because in the future they will do it again to you because they will know that you cave. So FI just needs to say, "Sorry, you will be missed" to every one of his family members that are rebelling. </div>

Muffin'sMom

Agree with everyone above.  He needs to deal with his family.  They are behaving this way to bully you to do what they want.  He needs to tell them no...and if they don't come then so be it.  Then, you have to REFUSE to discuss it further.  If they bring it up, you BOTH say, "we've given you our decision" and then change the subject.

ekilzer1

Ditto to everyone- he needs to deal with his family. They cannot bully you like this.

Also, tell them to bring their own hard liquor if they want it, but the only alcohol supplied with the open bar is beer. 

Have you checked with your venue? Some venues won't even allow hard liquor- I know ours wont. 

trix1223

If they threaten not to come, I second Retread's advice:  Shake your head (a little sadly), give a rueful smile and say "I'm so sorry to hear that.  We'll miss you."

They're the GUESTS.  They don't get to choose what the host serves.  If they don't care for the menu (including bar menu) then they don't have to attend.  I'm all about being sure guests are comfortable, but you've already compromised by adding beer.

Your FIL's sound like peaches.

kellya01

we're adding beer and wine because my FI's family drinks, and we'll have champagne for the toast.

However, before we reached this compromise (my immediate family doesn't drink), we initially were split because I didn't see the point to pay for something that allowed people to get drunk on OUR dime.  Well... the compromise was that my parents are paying for the reception but NOT the alcohol or required security guard.  Even if we had decided NOT to have it, his fam would have been okay, but FI wants them to be comfortable.  So... his fam is paying for the bartender, security guard ($250 total) plus the wine, beer, and champagne.  We're providing sparkling apple cider or something else non-alcoholic for those who want to partake in the toast who don't drink, and for all underaged relatives and friends.  

Ultimately, it's your "party" and if neither of you are comfortable with having alcohol there, then DON'T HAVE IT!  But if you want to provide something, you could potentially have a cash bar (make sure you indicate "cash bar" on the invitation or reception insert), for the family that wants hard liquor.  That mess is EXPENSIVE, and makes people get drunk pretty fast compared to beer.  I personally hope people don't use the wedding reception as a chance to get drunk, but you can't control other people's behavior.  

If all 70 of his family can't come because there simply is no hard liquor... think about it this way: if they can't go to an event without hard liquor, they might be alcoholics.  You don't need to feed the addiction.  It could make for a very distasteful reception (and one you will want to forget) when 70 people start feeling the effects of the alcohol.  

"I'm so sorry you won't be able to come."  Don't be scared to stick to your guns.  If they're so childish that they can't be in a social arena without hard liquor, be wary of your future with this family. 

SSaltzman87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_grooms-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3a2b07aa-2695-4e0a-9915-55d8994c0e12Post:2be7cfc1-a457-4cad-ae5b-df9a95d89346">Re: Groom's family!</a>:
[QUOTE]"Oh, we're so sorry to hear that you won't attend. We'll miss you."
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

hitch330

"There is no point?" I would hope the "point" is bigger than what kind of alcohol they will be consuming?!?! 

Soon2BMrsClay

huh, wow they sound like great people.

Personally, if they feel that strongly about having hard liquor at the wedding then I would tell them that they are more than welcome to foot the bill for the liquor if they want it that badly; if not they need to suck it up and be happy with the beer.