Moms and Maids

Poll: Problems with FMIL.....

What are your thoughts on this?

My FMIL is driving me crazy! She is extremely nosy and opinionated. I value her opinions to a degree, but when her comments are directed at me personally (telling me what to do with my relationship) it is offencive and irritating. I feel these are matters that are between my fiance and I, not my fiance, myself and his mother. I want her to just mind her own business and I would like to tell her this. My fiance and I have been in a few arguments about her behaviour because of how uncomfortable she makes me feel (I want us to have a relationship with her but I feel it's time to cut the umbilical cord already!!).  He knows how I feel, but doesn't see her actions as a big of a problem as I do. He says to "just ignore her" but I feel I can't do that because I don't want her thinking like she has the right to interfere in our relationship matters the way she often does. I realize that she's probably afraid of losing her son, however, I would never want that to happen. We both want a relationship with her but as far as I am concerned, her behaviour is becoming very offensive to me and I don't know how much longer I can deal with her interferring before I snap! I want to nip this in the bud sooner rather than later so that it doesn't escalate; I want to deal wth it, rather than ignore it... 

Am I being unreasonable? Thoughts??? He suggested that I have a talk with her and tell her how I feel......however, I think this is his job, not mine.  

Poll:

Problems with FMIL should be dealt with directly to FMIL by bride to be.

or

Problems with FMIL should be dealt with by fiance; they should not be dealt with by the bride to be. 

Re: Poll: Problems with FMIL.....

  • duckie1905duckie1905
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    member
    edited December 2011
    You don't have a FMIL, you have a husband problem.  If he isn't willing to run interference with his mother now, what makes you think he'll take your side in the future?
  • kmmssgkmmssg
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited December 2011
    Ditto duckie.  You have an FI who is dismissing your feelings, which are justified, so he doesn't have to deal with his mom and potentially start cutting that cord.

    If he isn't willing to step up and stand beside you here, you need to step back and take a good long look at how he is/isn't going to defend you for your entire marriage.
  • edited December 2011
    Inlaw problems do not go away by themselves.  You and your fiance must stand together...him standing up for you, by you, starting today.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    You are 100% right that your FI's job to run interference.  If his solution is to ignore it, you need to address your problem with him first.  
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Poll: Problems with FMIL.....:
    Inlaw problems do not go away by themselves.  You and your fiance must stand together...him standing up for you, by you, starting today.
    Posted by Muffin'sMom

    My thoughts exactly.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks! 
  • LarissaAnnLarissaAnn
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    member
    edited December 2011
    I have a question:  How does your FMIL know what's going on in your relationship with FI to be giving you this hassle over things?  Is he telling her stuff about your relationship?

    If he is, you've got a bigger problem with him than not running interference for you.  Your problem stems from him CHOOSING to involve his mother in your relationship in the first place.  That is NOT acceptable.
  • momofaydenmomofayden
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    It's your issue with MIl you need to discuss it with her yourself.  If it persists after that then FI needs to step in. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Poll: Problems with FMIL.....:
    Inlaw problems do not go away by themselves.  You and your fiance must stand together...him standing up for you, by you, starting today.
    Posted by Muffin'sMom
    I agree with this 100%, too.  You should not be dealing with your FMIL alone; he needs to somehow mediate the situation.  She's his mother, and if she's out of control, he has to deal with her, and also if she's a problem to you, then she's a problem to him, too, as you are his FI.  You shouldn't be left alone. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Your FI should deal with it. 
  • edited December 2011
    Boys love there mothers more then anything.  They don't want to think anything bad about them.  I've been having problems with my FMIL for 3 years, since the day we starting dating.  It took about 2 1/2 years for the fiance to agree that she's a problem.  Be patient with him.  He just loves his mom.  The more you tell him you don't like her, the worse your relationship with him could get.  You don't necessarily have to fix your relationship with her.  You just have to fix how you see it.  Do your best to just laugh it off and be happy.  She is always going to be mean and crazy and you can take the high road.  Well, at least that's what I'm doing and it's working so far. Good luck.
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