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Faburaw

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mstroud23

Breathe. My FMIL is still trying to sabotage our wedding, which is 23 days away. But we don't care anymore. My advice, breathe. make sure you and FI are on the exact same page about things. At the end of the day, things have to be right between you two. And that's what really matters. If she wants to bitch and moan-let her. But he needs to make it perfectly clear that the religion this is hipocritical. Christ said, "Come as you are", and (if it were me) I wouldn't be afraid to tell his mom that she isn't following in the path of Christ. (But I hate people who tried to force their religion on others). Breathe, try to relax, and make sure you and FI are together 100% on whatever you decide to do.

SirJuliusVonHaast

Sorry to hear about all that! I think you should be proud of your FI for making that tough phone call and sticking to his guns. It's one thing to help out family if she needed money for food or housing or medical care, but a storage locker is not essential. I think it's good to set the precedent of not paying anymore.

dietmountainess

my fi and i have been in a similar situation with his mother as far as the money problems go. fi finally had a sit down talk with her and told her she could not interrupt until he finished his piece. basicallly he explained to her that she had raised him to become and adult and learn to take responsibility for his actions and choices in life, and now she needs to do the same thing. she is not acting like an adult. she is the teenage bully trying to manipulate those around her into doing her bidding. your fi needs to tell her that he WILL protect you from any bully, even his own mother.

as far as the panic attacks, SHE IS SO NOT WORTH THE STRESS! i know its cliche but she only has the powers to stress you out if you let her. turn it into a game. outsmart her at her own trickery. she makes you miss an appointment? spend a romantic afternoon with your fi and become even closer than before. she tells you he should marry the mother of his child? plan a kidfriendly family outing for just the three of you, show her you are already part of his family! and for goodness sakes enjoy the fact that your fiance loves you and believes in you

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3b5bdd5d-fb2a-4ed2-b995-7e2bed0792eaPost:9a1d1d93-305c-4337-9112-3b6418c5a0af">Re: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Breathe. My FMIL is still trying to sabotage our wedding, which is 23 days away. But we don't care anymore. <strong>My advice, breathe. make sure you and FI are on the exact same page about things. At the end of the day, things have to be right between you two. And that's what really matters</strong>. If she wants to bitch and moan-let her. But he needs to make it perfectly clear that the religion this is hipocritical. Christ said, "Come as you are", and (if it were me) I wouldn't be afraid to tell his mom that she isn't following in the path of Christ. (But I hate people who tried to force their religion on others). Breathe, try to relax, and <strong>make sure you and FI are together 100% on whatever you decide to do.
</strong>Posted by mstroud23[/QUOTE]

Can't highlight this enough.

AutumnFair

OP, you and your FI are in a tough spot. His mother has been taking advantage of him for a long time and is trying to retain the mental control she used to have over him. The women is an adult, she should not be having hissy fits and giving your FI guilt trips because he can't pay for her any longer. I say you both need to step away from her for a while and try to relax, she sounds like a peach. Also give your FI support, it is very tough to stand up to a parent and I'm sure this isn't easy for him (but it needs to be done).

As for his mom expecting your FI to pay for her, please go back to your PP in where I say he needs to tell his mom that due to yout budget you can not accomindate her. 

Good luck to the both of you.

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3b5bdd5d-fb2a-4ed2-b995-7e2bed0792eaPost:cf3f947f-708b-4988-bab3-33c1c1b54f18">Re: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>basicallly he explained to her that she had raised him to become and adult and learn to take responsibility for his actions and choices in life, and now she needs to do the same thing</strong>.
Posted by dietmountainess[/QUOTE]

Yes Yes Yes!  Perfect wording!  This has got to be the bottom line!!!

How old is she?  Does she work?

Edited to say the questions are directed at OP

RiRi157

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3b5bdd5d-fb2a-4ed2-b995-7e2bed0792eaPost:c6574cf7-ac8b-44c1-a0d1-44bf4f85536e">Re: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, you and your FI are in a tough spot. His mother has been taking advantage of him for a long time and is trying to retain the mental control she used to have over him. The women is an adult, she should not be having hissy fits and giving your FI guilt trips because he can't pay for her any longer. I say you both need to step away from her for a while and try to relax, she sounds like a peach. Also give your FI support, it is very tough to stand up to a parent and I'm sure this isn't easy for him (but it needs to be done). As for his mom expecting your FI to pay for her, please go back to your PP in where I say he needs to tell his mom that due to yout budget you can not accomindate her.  Good luck to the both of you.
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

Yes his mother is thanking advantage of him but so is your family.  Why isn't your parents working( you said we are living with my parents and he is the only bread winner in your parent house).

If I was this guy i"d run away, supporting his mom and your family. 

If it's ok to feed your parents why isn't it ok to pay his mother storage bill. 

How can you say anyting when your family is worse than his.

LHB2011

You need to breathe - if you are going to have a panic attack over anything, it shouldn't be this.  My FMIL has also been completely un-supportive of our wedding.  Everyone in both of our families are ecstatic except her, and it is almost destroying my FI.  So it sounds from PPs that you are not alone in this situation.  Just remember what is important: you are marrying your FI, no matter what, and she will have to learn to deal with that.  Have the wedding that you want, it doesn't sound like she is contributing to it anyways, so she can make all the appointments/inquiries in the world and it won't matter. 

And if she so religious, the bible says that the man will leave his mother and cleave to his wife, so she should have seen this coming for a while now.

courtney1188

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3b5bdd5d-fb2a-4ed2-b995-7e2bed0792eaPost:d70f8e5a-ae0e-4cff-879b-d0446da92bd0">Re: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL : I think when she said "the only breadwinner in the household" she meant her own family unit with her fiance, like just the two of them. The wording was ambiguous but that's what I understood. If her parents weren't working I think she would have specified that.
Posted by jamierobin[/QUOTE]

I also thought OP meant that among her and her parents, FI was the only breadwinner. It would be helpful if she could come back and clarify. Even if this is the case, FMIL's actions are still horrible, but I can understand why she would be hurt if FI is paying bills for his fiancee's parents but can't help her out a bit for a storage payment.

courtney1188

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3b5bdd5d-fb2a-4ed2-b995-7e2bed0792eaPost:f57d241a-b070-41ab-ba4d-0dff84e3ba7c">Re: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]To clarify, my father has Parkinson's disease and can no longer stand on his own. My mother was locked in an interview room at her job at a CHRISTIAN store and screamed at by the psycho district manager because people like her more, and then fired. He gave his reason for firing her as misconduct. She has been deemed unhireable because of this, but pays MOST of the bills with what was her retirement fund. My fiance pays the electric bill in lieu of the rent. I appreciate the advice and kind words from most of the posters. <strong>But some people should bite their tongues when they have no idea what it going on.</strong>
Posted by Faburaw[/QUOTE]

We are not mind readers, so we only know what you tell us. That is why we ASKED what is going on. It's a public message board, not random people gossiping about you, so I really don't understand the bolded statement at all.

Faburaw

My father has Parkinson's disease and can barely stand on his own two feet, thank you very much. That is why we moved home.

Faburaw

To clarify, my father has Parkinson's disease and can no longer stand on his own. My mother was locked in an interview room at her job at a CHRISTIAN store and screamed at by the psycho district manager because people like her more, and then fired. He gave his reason for firing her as misconduct. She has been deemed unhireable because of this, but pays MOST of the bills with what was her retirement fund. My fiance pays the electric bill in lieu of the rent.

I appreciate the advice and kind words from most of the posters. But some people should bite their tongues when they have no idea what it going on.

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3b5bdd5d-fb2a-4ed2-b995-7e2bed0792eaPost:f57d241a-b070-41ab-ba4d-0dff84e3ba7c">Re: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]To clarify, my father has Parkinson's disease and can no longer stand on his own. My mother was locked in an interview room at her job at a CHRISTIAN store and screamed at by the psycho district manager because people like her more, and then fired. He gave his reason for firing her as misconduct. She has been deemed unhireable because of this, but pays MOST of the bills with what was her retirement fund.<strong> My fiance pays the electric bill in lieu of the rent.</strong> I appreciate the advice and kind words from most of the posters. But some people should bite their tongues when they have no idea what it going on.
Posted by Faburaw[/QUOTE]

That sounds like a perfectly fair amount, I don't think that your parents are taking advantage of you guys at all.  I think other posters were worried your FI was expected to support his Mom, your parents and you.  I was wondering though, and it didn't look like you'd answered - does his Mom have a job?  If she can no longer work, and she can't pay all of her bills, it's probably time for her to downsize so that her retirement or SSI is enough to cover her basic needs.  I believe in helping out parents, especially with physical tasks, but you guys can't cover her bills forever.  She's an adult, she needs to pay her own bills.

amanda5093

I wish my FMIL would try to sabotage my wedding at least she'd be acknowledging the fact hat we're getting married!!!

Kniblet

[QUOTE]My father has Parkinson's disease and can barely stand on his own two feet, thank you very much. That is why we moved home.
Posted by Faburaw[/QUOTE]
When you post on a board asking for advice, the best thing that you can do is try to include as much info as possible.  People sometimes have questions before they can really give advice.  Does your doctor make a diagnosis before you finish telling him all of your symptoms?  Not usually.

Try to include any info that might help with the posters giving you advice.  People on these boards can only reply to what you post.