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Overbearing MOB

I'm experiencing issues with my mother at what seems like every turn of wedding planning.

The major issue is that my family is Russian Orthodox and I have chosen not to get married in the Russian church, instead opting to get married at the college I attended. My fiance is neither Russian nor Orthodox (he is Catholic) and we felt this would be a compromise. My mother, of course, disagreed.

She has also questioned and demanded explanations for who I chose to be my MOH and in my bridal party. The most recent battle was over the DJ - she expects to have a say in what he plays, even demanding that he find Russian music to play at the reception.

She and my father are paying for the wedding, and I have tried to be respectful of this, even paying for my pricey photographer myself. My father is much more reasonable but has trouble standing up to my headstrong mother.

I'm really unsure about what to do here - I want her to be involved, but I feel like she's planning her own wedding, not mine. Help!

Re: Overbearing MOB

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    edited December 2011
    Money = Strings. If she is paying she gets a say in what music is played at the reception. Maybe you could compromise and have the russian music played in the background while people are eating and then play music you like for the guests to dance to.  Your other option is to pay for the DJ so that she won't get to dictate his music choices.
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overbearing-mob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3cfab48d-60d6-4c9c-ac76-cccd16c81768Post:feade652-346d-4fdb-a869-2c990e0c4baa">Overbearing MOB</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm experiencing issues with my mother at what seems like every turn of wedding planning. The major issue is that my family is Russian Orthodox and I have chosen not to get married in the Russian church, instead opting to get married at the college I attended. My fiance is neither Russian nor Orthodox (he is Catholic) and we felt this would be a compromise. My mother, of course, disagreed. She has also questioned and demanded explanations for who I chose to be my MOH and in my bridal party. The most recent battle was over the DJ - she expects to have a say in what he plays, even demanding that he find Russian music to play at the reception. She and my father are paying for the wedding, and I have tried to be respectful of this, even paying for my pricey photographer myself. My father is much more reasonable but has trouble standing up to my headstrong mother. I'm really unsure about what to do here - I want her to be involved, but I feel like she's planning her own wedding, not mine. Help!
    Posted by NKutzer[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>A lot of brides go through this, especially when their parents are paying for the wedding.  Unfortunately, MONEY = STRINGS.  Your mother should be allowed to say that the DJ needs to play some Russian music.  It's your heritage.  You're not getting married in a Russian Orthodox church so she may feel like this is one of the ways she can incorporate some of your background.  </div><div>
    </div><div>As for her demanding explanations for who you chose to be my MOH, just tell her that you want <em>your</em> nearest and dearest to stand up with you.  She shouldn't have a say on who's your MOH, that should solely be your decision.</div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overbearing-mob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3cfab48d-60d6-4c9c-ac76-cccd16c81768Post:6f839216-2821-4bc5-9918-1ac79f35a749">Re: Overbearing MOB</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Overbearing MOB : A lot of brides go through this, especially when their parents are paying for the wedding.  <strong>Unfortunately, MONEY = STRINGS</strong>.  Your mother should be allowed to say that the DJ needs to play some Russian music.  It's your heritage.  You're not getting married in a Russian Orthodox church so she may feel like this is one of the ways she can incorporate some of your background.   <strong>As for her demanding explanations for who you chose to be my MOH, just tell her that you want your  nearest and dearest to stand up with you.  She shouldn't have a say on who's your MOH, that should solely be your decision.</strong>
    Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

    I can see where your parents are coming from, but also see your point of view as well. My parents didn't pay for anything of our wedding, why? bc we didn't do things and have things exactly how my mom (also headstrong and controlling) wanted them. Oh well, we are happy and proud that we had the wedding we wanted and paid for it ourselves. If things become too rough for you, you may have to consider compromising and paying for some things yourselves.
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    edited December 2011
    If your parents are paying, then they have a say in the wedding planning. I think your mom is right to include some Russian music, especially if many of your guests will be Russian. It's nice to have a large variety of music, so that everyone can enjoy it.

                       
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    edited December 2011
    My parents are paying for the wedding too and my mother is also pretty headstrong. For example today I sent her a picture of a cake topper I liked and she said "Eh, that's not really what we are going for." Sigh. Looks like I'm not getting it!

    Maybe you can compromise and have the DJ play some Russian music during the cocktail hour while everyone is mingling before you and your hubby arrive.
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    edited December 2011
    Having some Russian dances is not such a huge compromise.  Think of it as a trade-off for the church.  Don't discuss your wedding party choices with her!  But the PP's areright...money =strings!  Find some things you let her choose that you aren't emotionally tied to.  My daughter doesn't care about cake...so I got to pick what I wanted!  Make gestures that say "I'm sharing".
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    BeeBee22BeeBee22 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're paying for our wedding, but as I understand it, this actually isn't overbearing. It's normal MOB behavior if your parents are paying (so be prepared). She's hosting, so technically it is her party, tho you assume your wishes will be taken into account.  If they're very traditional, this will be an even stronger tendency.

    Personally, if I were going to a wedding involving a Russian Orthodox family, I would enjoy some Russian music!  Presumably, some of your parents' generation will enjoy it immensely, and may do a bit of traditional dancing.  Very cool in this day and age.

    BTW, iIf both of your families are religious, be prepared to ride out more disapproval over the coming months about not having a church ceremony.  It can be really hard for parents to let go of that. 

     
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