Broken hearted about my should be MOH

husweetpea

This is more of a vent at this point because everthing has been decided.  But I'm really hurt and wanted to get some opinions.  This is my second marriage.  My best friend (of 30 years) was my MOH in my first wedding too.  I would never give that title to anyone else.  It was just an unspoken thing with us.  When I started planning my wedding she didn't seem interested at all.  About a month into planning she texts me and says that she can't afford to buy a dress, because I'm having an out of town wedding (4 hours away) and because she already put money into my first wedding.  In all seriousness had I really believed money was the issue I would have paid for her dress because I wanted her as my MOH and no one else.  But 4 days prior to her texting me and saying she couldn't afford a dress she text me and said she bought a 51 inch flat screen tv!  I'm so unbelievably hurt. 

So I have since asked another good friend to be my MOH and she is beyond excited and is full of ideas for me.  She's been a real blessing.  But I'm still pretty hurt over who is supposed to be my "best" friend.  Am I wrong in feeling like this? Anyway, thanks for your thoughts.

jak554

It's ok to feel hurt, but I wouldn't worry about it any more than that. Your friend may think this wedding isn't a big deal as your first (which is obviously not true), but all you can do is keep going and your MOH for this one sounds real honored. Don't let anyone bring you down on your day.

rebecca+matt

I would ask your best frined/ would be MOH what is going on in her life - no wedding talk.  She may feel left out or hurt over something else and is using the lack of money as an excuse. 
I had, to a much lesser extent, somewhat the same problem with my MOH who is my best friend and has been for years.  She just didn't seem excited about anything wedding related and never offered any help at all at first.  I heard from her older sister that she felt like I was moving on in life and she was stuck and forgotten.  I'm a college grad with my own place and now I'm marrying an awesome guy. She's still in community college living at home and doesn't have a boyfriend.  See where things could get sticky? I just had to call her up and say "Let's get dinner and drinks - no wedding talk allowed!!!" And suddenly she was getting excited about things.  I try really hard to make sure I spend some 'just the two of us' time whenever I can.  She even recently heard me venting about how stressfull all this planning is and asked "Ok Becca, what can I take off your plate?  I want to help."  It's amazing what a little TLC can do for friends
Ask her to lunch/dinner/ drinks/ SOMEthing and ask what's going on in her life.  Tell her that you would have paid for the dress if money were an issue and you really wish she could be there with you.  If it seems ok, tell her you're hurt.  Honestly is always the best policy when it is mixed with love and kindess.
Good luck!

MairePoppy

Maybe the new tv was a big splurge for your friend and her husband. They may have saved up for the tv for a long time. It's not nice to pass judgement on how others spend their own money. If she said she can't afford to buy a bm dress for your wedding, you have to take her at her word.

I do think it was tactless of her to remind you that she spent money on your first wedding. Still, I wouldn't mention it to her.

Simply Fated

Just because she spent her money on a tv screen instead of paying for another bridesmaids dress doesnt' mean she loves you any less. It just means she decided to not spend the money she has on a dress for your wedding. her priorities are different than yours. And that's perfectly fine.

I'd hang out with her, no wedding talk.

if you really want her to stand up there with you (You can have two MOHs), you'll let her pick another dress, maybe one she already has or something. I mean, she DID already go through this whole wedding with you once before.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_broken-hearted-should-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3dead602-5507-4aa7-9241-c5f0c3f1ea26Post:dd8700bb-daf0-44c7-a6b1-a93bbcd631ef">Broken hearted about my should be MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]This is more of a vent at this point because everthing has been decided.  But I'm really hurt and wanted to get some opinions.  This is my second marriage.  My best friend (of 30 years) was my MOH in my first wedding too.  I would never give that title to anyone else.  It was just an unspoken thing with us.  When I started planning my wedding she didn't seem interested at all.  About a month into planning she texts me and says that she can't afford to buy a dress, because I'm having an out of town wedding (4 hours away) and because she already put money into my first wedding.  In all seriousness had I really believed money was the issue I would have paid for her dress because I wanted her as my MOH and no one else.  But 4 days prior to her texting me and saying she couldn't afford a dress she text me and said she bought a 51 inch flat screen tv!  I'm so unbelievably hurt.  So I have since asked another good friend to be my MOH and she is beyond excited and is full of ideas for me.  She's been a real blessing.  But I'm still pretty hurt over who is supposed to be my "best" friend.  Am I wrong in feeling like this? Anyway, thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by husweetpea[/QUOTE]

Her spending is none of your business.  If she really meant that much to you, you  would have tried to work with her instead of replacing her with someone else.

Did you ever ask her what her budget would be?  Considering that your wedding is going to be four hours away, she's already going to have to shell out gas money, hotel money and food money just to be there that day.  For your first wedding, did you go overboard with an expensive BM dress and/or insist that the girls pay for any of the following: matching shoes, matching jewelry, professionally done makeup, professionally done hair, bridal showers, B- parties?  She may be remembering the damage that the last wedding did to her wallet.