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Didnt make someone a bridesmaid... Now there are problems!!!!

Okay so i was in my friends wedding (Maid of Honor) but she wouldn't let me do anything. Her sister was the Matron of Honor and I wasn't allowed to do anything. Everything i tried to do to help she shot down. So i just kind of backed down and helped where I could. After her wedding we stopped talking. This was like 2 years ago. I got engaged in May of last year and she didn't start talking to me again till I was engaged. We were great friends when we were younger but as we got older we just kind of separated. So we haven't talked really since her wedding just a hey how are you every  once in awhile.

So i didn't ask her to be in my wedding. I am having a small wedding ( I already have one more BM than my fiancee has groomsmen) But now that my wedding is within months I am now getting texts and facebook messages about how she is upset and she doesn't understand why she isn't in the wedding!!! I think it is pretty bold that she is asking.  I have absolutely no idea what to say to her. I do feel a little bad but it is my wedding and i am not one of those people that put people in the wedding because of guilt.

Someone please help me and tell me how to address this issue!!!!

Re: Didnt make someone a bridesmaid... Now there are problems!!!!

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    edueckmanedueckman member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just let her know that the people you have chosen you have known longer or hang out with more and that you had to make a diffcult choice or you would have made all your girlfriends BM's.  At the same time, if you haven't even seen her in a while...why are you sparing her feelings.  Be honest and say that you haven't even talked with her until you were engaged and thus, those who were with you more from the beginning were chosen rather than "repaying" those whos wedding you were in.  It's a pickle of a situation.
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    MaggieandJakeMaggieandJake member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's a tough one-she's definitely got some nerve...I would probably tell her that you'd love to see her at the wedding (that is if you invited her), but that you just weren't able to have be in the wedding b/c of x,y,z (you want to keep your wedding party small, it's only family and your best friend or roommate, that you hadn't heard from her in 2 YEARS and had already chosen your bridesmaids when you reconnected...there are a plethera of reasons you could use)

    But, most importantly, you're right it is YOUR wedding and if you don't want her in your wedding, end of story.  Don't let a pushy "friend" ruin your day or make you feel guilty about something you shouldn't be guilty about.


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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    "I'm sorry you feel that way.  You'll definitely be invited to the wedding as a guest though."

    Don't defend your actions.  You owe her NO explanation as to why you didn't include her.
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Banana.  You don't need to explain your decisions.  
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto banana and jagore.  Don't go into any explanation.  That would be rewarding her rudeness.  It's just more appropriate to say "I'm sorry that you're disappointed.  We look forward to seeing you at our wedding."

    Giving her some explanation about why she didn't make the cut is just going to make a bad situation worse.

    And BTW:  You don't have a fiancee, you have a fiance.   And uneven WPs are just fine.  You could have 8 more people in your WP than your FI does, and it would still be okay.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    dandelion17dandelion17 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    FYI just because you are in a wedding, doesn't mean they have to be in yours. If she is acting so dramatic...thank god you don't have to deal with her being in the wedding lol. She should just be happy for you and it's your choice. If you want to tell her something let her know that you could only pick a certain amount of people and there are other women that you are closer with and you hope she understands.
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    lalap69lalap69 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You don't owe her an explanation and she is being very rude.  WPs aren't tit for tat.  Just tell her "I'm sorry you're disappointed" and leave it at that.  She is out of line; don't pander to her.
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