mom.& FI stressing me out!

cinbene

Mine and my FI families live about an hour apart.  We are having the ceremony pretty close to me and my family. My FI wants to have the reception about a half hour away from the Chapel, which is half way between my Mom and his parents.  My Mom is giving me such a hard time, about this, she doesnt much care for driving or even long car rides, I know that is not really that long of a ride, but anyway, its the end of the world to her.  She thinks it should be in the brides area.  My FI and I are planning on paying for everything, but I think maybe my Dad may be helping, but Im not going to plan on that, just incase.  So I am so stressed out about this, I am not enjoying any of this wedding planning so far.  We are also planning on buying a home in the area of the reception hall, so shes trying to also deal with me living further away from her.   She is suffering from health issues that prevents her from being able to walk very much, everyday is kind of a challage for her.  So I feel terrible either way, and I am not being plesent to either one of them.  Any suggestions to make this a little more enjoyable?

MairePoppy

Since you and fi are taking financial responsibility for your wedding, then you get to decide the location of the ceremony/reception. IMO, a half hour drive is very reasonable and it's a nice that you are trying to keep things convenient for both families.

You should outline an easy route between your mom's home, the chapel, the reception venue and back to mom's house. Make an appointment to show mom the reception venue and take your parents through the route. This should help put her at ease. If it doesn't, then she'll just have to work it out, on her own.

You should put your deposit down on your venue before your Dad decides whether he wants to contribute to your budget. They will know that it's a done deal and won't be nagging at you to change your venue.

Good luck.

ginadog

Are you talking about a drive that is 30-60 minutes long?  She needs to get over it. 

Really, there are people that commute 1.5 hours one way on daily basis!

skippylouwho

What does she want? 5 minutes from the rehearsal?  30 minutes is nothing. She needs to get over it.

theluckiest555

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-fi-stressing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:401f2a28-85fb-4cb4-acd1-0a808ce0463ePost:ea3357b4-2619-4e98-9077-7cda09b3958a">Re: mom.& FI stressing me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Since you and fi are taking financial responsibility for your wedding, then you get to decide the location of the ceremony/reception</strong>. IMO, a half hour drive is very reasonable and it's a nice that you are trying to keep things convenient for both families. You should outline an easy route between your mom's home, the chapel, the reception venue and back to mom's house. Make an appointment to show mom the reception venue and take your parents through the route. This should help put her at ease. If it doesn't, then she'll just have to work it out, on her own. You should put your deposit down on your venue before your Dad decides whether he wants to contribute to your budget. They will know that it's a done deal and won't be nagging at you to change your venue. Good luck.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. If you are going to pay for the reception, than you and your FI get to decide where you want to have it.

Kate61487

I agree that you and your FI should be picking the reception location that you two want.

BUT the goal is not to put the reception halfway between your families, it's to put it near the ceremony.  His family is driving an hr to the ceremony regardless, so you're not saving them any time by putting the reception closer to them.  If you hop over on etiquette you'll see a clear rule of thumb that if at all possible the ceremony and reception should be 30 min OR LESS.  If when you say "about a half hour" you mean 25 min, great.  if you mean 30 min on mapquest and 40 in real life with traffic I'd rethink either the ceremony or the reception location.

Maggie0829

Since you are paying then what you want goes.  30 minutes is not long at all.  My reception took place 45 minutes away from where most of my guests live and none of them blinked an eye.

Plan what you want and your Mom will get over it.

As far as hating the planning process and it stressing you out...don't get overwhelmed.  Everything does come together at the end I promise.  Also, don't stress over the little things because 9 times out of 10 only you will remember the small details that you may have stressed about for months.  And this situation with the distance to the reception is one of those little things.  Do what makes you happy...it is your and your FI wedding after all.

ElisabethJoanne

The 30 min. rule varies by region. I don't know about Detroit, but in coastal cities, 30 min. can be a minimum. It takes more than 30 min. to travel the 7 miles across San Francisco sometimes! So talk the distance over casually with friends who will be invited to the wedding or other local brides.

I also feel that the direction of travel from the ceremony to the reception matters. Is the reception closer or further to hotels? airports? train stations? It's one thing to ask people to drive 1 hr. from the nearest hotel, then half-an-hour back towards the hotel. It's another to ask them to drive another 30 min. from where they're staying.

As for not enjoying the planning, I don't enjoy it much myself. I don't see why most people should enjoy it or why we should feel obliged to. It involves balancing the feelings of quite a few people, guessing at what all your guests would enjoy most, spending tons of money, exercising skills you probably never have before, and making more decisions in a few months than you'll otherwise make over 5 years. So, forget about enjoying it and tackle wedding planning like a big school or work project or housework. Do you make lists? Break the job into smaller jobs? Set small deadlines? Work on paper or electronic spreadsheets? Just figure out what needs doing, and sit down and figure out the best way to do it, and don't pressure yourself to enjoy it.

cinbene

Thanks so much ladies!  I understand the reception should be close to the ceremony, and I would love to have it that way, but my FI is fighting me every step of the way, he says most of his family wont come if it is that far(45min-hr) so he is pretty much set on having it in this town, half an hour from the ceremony, so pretty much everyone on both side will have a half an hour drive.  Everytime someone on my end asks me where the reception will be and I mention this hall that we had found, they act like Im crazy.  I did check into location of  a hotel, and there are a couple to choose from, about 1.6 MI away, so that is not bad.  He is thinking that many of his people wont come to the ceremony, because it is so far, but his main concearn was the reception, so we will see...........Thank you again ladies for all your help!!  xoxo

ginadog

He is thinking that many of his people wont come to the ceremony, because it is so far

Are they Amish and have to go by horse and buggy?  That is really not that far.  My family has to drive 2 hours to an airport, fly 3 hours and then rent cars and hotels.  They are getting off easy with less than 1 hour drive!  LOL

Does the hotel 1.6 miles away suit your needs and would make you just as happy?