Moms and Maids

Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP

Planned the wedding several months in advance (started July)...she was one of the 1st girls I talked to.  She's a great friend; or so I thought... halfway into the planning she dropped off the face of the earth.  
We are roughly the same size/shape so when I had to assume her size of dress cause I couldn't get a hold of her, I was fairly calm.  

Then I picked out the shoes, I emailed, called and txted, with no luck.  Weeks later, after several "are you still in the wedding" msgs, and "do you have your shoes" messages, she said don't worry "I got this". But I knew the shoe was going on sale, so I bought a shoe that fit me knowing if worse came to worse I would let her use mine (even though her foot is slightly bigger).

I FINALLY get her on the phone, after leaving several more messages, she tells me, to stop worrying, cause she is in fact still coming to the wedding, she took care of her shoes, and she cleared her weekend for the wedding and all its festivities.  
2 days later (16 days out from the wedding) she emailed me.... saying she would not make it to any of the events except the wedding, that she had made plans...AND HAD KNOWN ABOUT THEM SINCE OCTOBER, but that it had slipped her mind!  Rehearsal dinner stuff, as well as other events for that day had already been paid for.  ITs now only a couple days away from my wedding, and she emails me again... SHE CAN"T FIND THE SHOES... SHE HAS NO SHOES.  
SHE IS REALLY WEARING ME OUT.  But I can't fire her....right?  Can I choke her???

Do I take it personal, or not.  (I"m trying not to) Do I act like nothing happened at the wedding and smile knowing she is stuck in shoes too small for her?

May I also mention that I have attempted to call this girl over 30 times since August... countless txt messages and she notifies me by email. 

WHAT DO I DO!?!?! I'm trying my best to stay calm, collected, and not make a big deal out of it...but I'm at my wit's end.

Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP

  • edited December 2011
    Forgive her, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to her about how she made you feel. Forgive her if for no other reason than being angry at her is not really something you want to feel right now.

    It would have been better if you had just let her buy her own dress/shoes. That way if she flaked on buying the dress, she would effectively remove herself from the wedding party. But what's done is done.

    As far as her shoes go, what color are they? Would it be terribly noticeable if she just wore a pair she already has (like grey instead of black, or cream instead of white). If she does wear your shoes, don't worry about it, after all you, you won't be the on with blisters at the end of the day.
  • mistydawn123mistydawn123 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe you should talk to her about something NOT wedding related.
  • edited December 2011
    Is your wedding really this weekend? You can't kick her out of a wedding that's in three days unless she physically attacks you, tries to sleep with your FI, or doesn't have a dress. The shoes don't really matter, but if she doesn't have a dress, she doesn't walk.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:c891b31c-b56c-4742-acae-2f07df75fe9c">Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Planned the wedding several months in advance (started July)...she was one of the 1st girls I talked to.  She's a great friend; or so I thought... halfway into the planning she dropped off the face of the earth.   We are roughly the same size/shape so when I had to assume her size of dress cause I couldn't get a hold of her, I was fairly calm.   Then I picked out the shoes, I emailed, called and txted, with no luck.  Weeks later, after several "are you still in the wedding" msgs, and "do you have your shoes" messages, she said don't worry "I got this". But I knew the shoe was going on sale, so I bought a shoe that fit me knowing if worse came to worse I would let her use mine (even though her foot is slightly bigger). I FINALLY get her on the phone, after leaving several more messages, she tells me, to stop worrying, cause she is in fact still coming to the wedding, she took care of her shoes, and she cleared her weekend for the wedding and all its festivities.   2 days later (16 days out from the wedding) she emailed me.... saying she would not make it to any of the events except the wedding, that she had made plans...AND HAD KNOWN ABOUT THEM SINCE OCTOBER, but that it had slipped her mind!  Rehearsal dinner stuff, as well as other events for that day had already been paid for.  ITs now only a couple days away from my wedding, and she emails me again... SHE CAN"T FIND THE SHOES... SHE HAS NO SHOES.   SHE IS REALLY WEARING ME OUT.  But I can't fire her....right?  Can I choke her??? Do I take it personal, or not.  (I"m trying not to) Do I act like nothing happened at the wedding and smile knowing she is stuck in shoes too small for her? May I also mention that I have attempted to call this girl over 30 times since August... countless txt messages and she notifies me by email.  WHAT DO I DO!?!?! I'm trying my best to stay calm, collected, and not make a big deal out of it...but I'm at my wit's end.
    Posted by Jenna Hardin[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>There could be a number of reason why she hasn't contacted you. She might be busy, she might be sick of hearing nothing but wedding talk when she does talk to you, she is tired of being checked about everything wedding related, maybe you picked out expensive wedding attire like the shoes and she didn't know how to tell you they were too expensive, etc. </div><div>
    </div><div>First things first, you are putting way too much stress on yourself. You should have asked individually what their price range was for their attire and pick something out and let it go. It is up to the BM to get their attire and if they don't they take themselves out, you should not be stressing over this because it isn't your responsibility. </div><div>
    </div><div>Second, you shouldn't have dictate the shoe they were going to wear. I can bet that you pick an expensive shoe (over $15 and it's expensive) and she probably didn't want to tell you that she couldn't pay that amount for the shoe so she figure she would just wear some dress shoe (in the same color) that she already has and tell you she "lost them".</div><div>
    </div><div>Third, all pre-wedding parties are optional (including RD). She does not have to go, there are plenty of wedding I've been there that I didn't go to certain parties because either distance, money, or had something else more important then a party come up. </div><div>
    </div><div>My advice: let it go. Everything you listed still does not warrant being kick out of the wedding. If she has her attire then you don't need to worry about it but I would suggest being nice and letting her wear a different dress shoe in the same color so her feet aren't in pain. </div><div>
    </div>
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I think you scared her off by trying to micro-manage your wedding party. You should have left it up to her and the other bms, to order their own dresses and buy their own shoes. Don't fire her, at this point. Leave it up to her to find shoes. They don't have to be an exact match.

    With 3 days left to go before your wedding it's time to let go of the picky little details that are stressing you out right now, but won't amount to a hill of beans on your wedding day. Let it go. Relax.

    Have a beautiful wedding day.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    Let it go.  Have a wonderful day.  After the wedding and the honeymoon, when your life settles down, you can take the time to decide if this is a person that you want to keep in your life.  Friendships don't always last, sad but true....but now is not the time to decide.  You have the dress and the shoes.  She can either choose to wear them or choose to refuse.  Either way, it's her choice.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    Jeanna - first of all, it's dangerous to use your real name on an internet site.

    Second, if she shows up wearing the dress, then she's done her job.  All she has to do after that is walk down the aisle and smile for the photographer.

    Third - I have no idea what events you are talking about but she is not obligated to attend any of them.

    Finally - Nobody cares about the shoes.  Of all the things guests care about this ranks at the bottom of the list right around favors and centerpieces.  WHen you look at your pictures you aren't going to care about the shoes, you're going to remember your friends on that day.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I would hope that you would be more concerned about, I don't know, marrying the love of your life than noticing what shoes a wedding guest is wearing.  If I were you, I'd spend the next few days trying to get your priorities in order.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    So clearly writing at 3 am isn't wise.

    I didn't mean to emphasize shoes, cause I could care less about shoes.  Its more that she is one of my closest friends, this isn't like her to just drop the ball over and over again, and the question was, I guess what I meant to ask was how do I talk to her about it, or should I just not at all.  I'm mostly worried about the friendship.  But I still want to choke her. ... a little

    Does anyone else have crazy bridesmaid stuff pop up???


    Let me tie up some loose ends.  

    1) shoes...59 bucks.  She's a doctor...that orders custom tailor made suits.  Not a prob.
     

    2) I'm not looking to fire her, honestly, I was more interested in others opinions.  My fiancee, my other friends, and even family think I should fire her.  I've fought it, cause I feel it would truly be the end of the friendship.   I agree you can't do that...thats why I didn't a long time ago.  But the friendship from here on out is rather what I was referring to  (THATS WHAT I GET FOR DECIDING TO GET ADVICE AT 3am...rather than just trying to GO BACK TO SLEEP!!!) It hasn't been until the last 30 days that I even knew if she was coming to the wedding.

    3) You are right she isn't obligated to join us at any of the events.  But after she said she was going to be able to attend all the events that we planned.  So she was paid for.  Only after money was exchanged did she remember that she wasn't going to be able to make it.   ( I already solved that it was minor problem)

    5) Micro-managing...far far far from the truth.  Oh if you only knew. The reason I purchased the dresses, wasn't to micromanage, rather because I stumbled on the dresses by accident, at market.  They aren't a dress you would see sold just anywhere..so since I knew their sizes, (and her and I have shared clothes before) I bought a whole batch.  End of that story.

    6) The shoes, I stumbled on the at Dillards.  They went on sale... and disappeared quickly.  They are bronze .  And yes she will be wearing mine.

    7) not my real name :)


  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I've never spent $59 on shoes in my life (except maybe my ballroom shoes), so there's no way in hell I'd be happy spending that for someone else's wedding.  It doesn't matter what she normally spends on clothing of her choice, that's none of your business.

    Sorry, but dictating anything beyond the color and maybe some very, very basic style elements (strappy, open toe, etc) of the BMs' shoes is micromanaging.  By definition.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • garcias1garcias1 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:58cfdc43-2983-4148-a917-69ec78cdf618">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE] 5) Micro-managing...far far far from the truth.  Oh if you only knew. The reason I purchased the dresses, wasn't to micromanage, rather because I stumbled on the dresses by accident, at market.  They aren't a dress you would see sold just anywhere..so since I knew their sizes, (and her and I have shared clothes before) I bought a whole batch.
    Posted by Jenna Hardin[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>So you asked them to buy a dress that would be really hard for them to find because it's not offered everywhere?  That could have contributed to the problem.  Also, doctor or not, I guarantee you I'm not going to wear bronze shoes again, so I'd really rather not spend $59 on shoes I will never wear again.</div>
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:58cfdc43-2983-4148-a917-69ec78cdf618">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]So clearly writing at 3 am isn't wise. I didn't mean to emphasize shoes, cause I could care less about shoes.  Its more that she is one of my closest friends, this isn't like her to just drop the ball over and over again, and the question was, I guess what I meant to ask was how do I talk to her about it, or should I just not at all.  I'm mostly worried about the friendship.  But I still want to choke her. ... a little Does anyone else have crazy bridesmaid stuff pop up??? Let me tie up some loose ends.   1) shoes...59 bucks.  She's a doctor...that orders custom tailor made suits.  Not a prob.  <strong>You need to remember that her clothes, especially work clothes are something she needs to spend bigger bucks on because it's her job to look professional, and unless she had some kind of savings I'm sure she has plenty of student loans she is paying. Spending money on work clothes is very different from blowing money on fun casual clothes. </strong><div> 2) I'm not looking to fire her, honestly, I was more interested in others opinions.  My fiancee, my other friends, and even family think I should fire her.  I've fought it, cause I feel it would truly be the end of the friendship.   I agree you can't do that...thats why I didn't a long time ago.  But the friendship from here on out is rather what I was referring to  (THATS WHAT I GET FOR DECIDING TO GET ADVICE AT 3am...rather than just trying to GO BACK TO SLEEP!!!) It hasn't been until the last 30 days that I even knew if she was coming to the wedding. <div><strong>If she is indeed a doctor then no wonder she isn't responding, she is probably crazy busy and doesn't have a set work schedules (depending on where she is at). Basically, I'm sure your FI, friends, family are telling you to fire her because you keep tell them all the negative stuff that she is and isn't doing for your wedding. I've been in weddings where the Bride and a BM friendship was drifting apart. Did I tell the Bride to fire her, never, I don't know the girl so I would never tell my friend what to do since I have no experience with the girl. You need to let it go and see if this friendship is going to drift away or come back to being how it was. </strong></div><div>3) You are right she isn't obligated to join us at any of the events.  But after she said she was going to be able to attend all the events that we planned.  So she was paid for.  Only after money was exchanged did she remember that she wasn't going to be able to make it.   ( I already solved that it was minor problem)</div><div><strong>Yes, its annoying that she didn't tell you earlier but in her profession I really don't think she has much notice if she gets called into work.</strong></div><div> 5) Micro-managing...far far far from the truth.  Oh if you only knew. The reason I purchased the dresses, wasn't to micromanage, rather because I stumbled on the dresses by accident, at market.  They aren't a dress you would see sold just anywhere..so since I knew their sizes, (and her and I have shared clothes before) I bought a whole batch.  End of that story.</div><div><strong>I don't think the dress is the issue with micromanaging, it's more of the shoes.</strong></div><div> 6) The shoes, I stumbled on the at Dillards.  They went on sale... and disappeared quickly.  They are bronze .  And yes she will be wearing mine.</div><div><strong>For which reason, because you bought them? Because she didn't buy them and you want her to be in pain? Personally, I think it's pretty mean to put your friend through pain just so your BMs can be matching clones. Can't imagine why your friendship with her is drifting away.</strong></div><div> 7) not my real name :)
    Posted by Jenna Hardin[/QUOTE]

    </div></div>
  • edited December 2011
    I won't comment on the shoe and dress thing - others have done that before me and  I don't have much to say that they haven't already.

    You said that your real problem was that you friend, you felt, was dropping the ball over and over again and you were wondering about it more from a friendship side than a wedding side of it, so I'll give you my experience and my approach and see if it helps you.

    One of my BMs is my best friend from university. As far as strictly wedding based things go, she's been fine (I'm not expecting her to show up to pre-wedding parties, but I will expect her to show up to the rehersal), but anything around that has been very, very off. I'll explain what I mean. I and my MOH traveled to her city, which was a 5+ hour drive for us and only a small jaunt for the other BM. We made the trip as a courtesy so that they other two would not have to spend a lot of time or money to come down to buy a dress, and they seemed happy that I had opted not to demand they drive through 3 states to do the dress shopping (which they had stated before that they wanted to be involved in).

    Picking out her dress was not a problem, and she seems to be looking forward to the wedding. The problem was when we got there she was completely s*** about being a hostess/friend. I'm not trying to put anyone out, and I don't expect to be waited on hand and foot, but she didn't warn us that we would need to bring our own sheets, her air mattress was broken, she expected us to plan where to eat (we don't live here or know our way around!), wouldn't give us options and shot down our suggetions, and she didn't bother to tell her roommates to lay off the obnoxious behavior. My MOH and I were litterally awakened at 3:00 am to drunking YELLING that probably woke the neighbors up, and the next night we were there one of them started (completely without invitation) sitting on my other BM and dry humping her. And the BM who who was "hosting" just laughed. I could continue the list of out of character behavior that went on, but that's not the point.

    The point is that I feel like my friend is not acting like herself and treating people with the respect she usually does. I think she's got some personal stuff going on in her life, as I know she has multiple stressors right now, so I'm trying not to judge. My approach? Before the wedding is not the time to address how disrespected I felt and how I won't be visiting again unless things change. My own stress level is high, my emotions are all over the place with the general family wedding drama, I just do not trust myself to make the best choices in regards to friendship at this point. If she comes to me wanting to discuss what's been going on with her, I'll be more than happy to listen - and listen only. I'm waiting 'til after the wedding, once things have "settled down," to reevaluate where we are.

    I think you need to do the same. It's too late in the game to be "firing" anyone as a bridesmaid. Focus on your wedding, get through with your planning, have fun on your big day, and when that's all over and said and done with, and you have better perspective from the other side, you will be able to judge whether or not this is a relationship worth maintaining.
  • immaeetuimmaeetu member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hello, crazy bridezilla!

    1) I'd ignore your calls and texts if you were messaging me non-stop about your wedding too.

    2) Seriously, she can wear different shoes.  No one will notice.  And, in fact, it was a total 'zilla move to specify the shoe like that in the first place.

    3) She only needs to be there for the wedding.  The rest of it is gravy.

    Seriously, you're overreacting.  Take a deep breath, have a bottle of wine (normally I'd say have a glass but you sound like you need the whole bottle) and CALM DOWN.
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  • immaeetuimmaeetu member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:58cfdc43-2983-4148-a917-69ec78cdf618">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]1) shoes...59 bucks.  She's a doctor...that orders custom tailor made suits.  Not a prob.  
    Posted by Jenna Hardin[/QUOTE]
    The price isn't necessarily the issue.  What about her comfort?

    I still think you're majorly overreacting.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:58cfdc43-2983-4148-a917-69ec78cdf618">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE] shoes...59 bucks.  She's a doctor...that orders custom tailor made suits.  Not a prob.  Posted by Jenna Hardin[/QUOTE]

    I'm an attorney.  All of my suits are custom tailored.  I'd still balk at paying for shoes that I'll never wear again.
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  • edited December 2011
    it's not very considerate of your friend to not return your calls for months on end in the first place.  furthermore, it's even more rude that she knows you have questions regarding the wedding and she's still blatantly ignoring you.  unless she was somehow comatose, there is no reason she couldn't contact you one time within five months.

    and to add insult to injury, she only responded with an "i got it" when you haven't heard from her?  i think she owes you an apology after blowing you off repeatedly and then giving you a curt answer.

    i would be pissed if i were you.

    and then i would prob have SEVERAL glasses of wine (maybe even shots!), envision an aggressive encounter with her, and let it go.......

    .......because she should not be ruining your planning or your wedding day!
    Anniversary
  • krusso24krusso24 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Am I the only crazy person on this site who thinks $59 for shoes is BEYOND reasonable and that $15 is borderline ridiculous?!

    Who says you have to buy crappy things that you'll never wear again?  I would rather spend the extra money for something that's made well and worth integrating into my closet.

    But again, maybe I'm crazy... LOL!
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:269205dd-7e8e-44e9-a6e6-69aa78afeee6">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I the only crazy person on this site who thinks $59 for shoes is BEYOND reasonable and that $15 is borderline ridiculous?! Who says you have to buy crappy things that you'll never wear again?  I would rather spend the extra money for something that's made well and worth integrating into my closet. But again, maybe I'm crazy... LOL!
    Posted by krusso24[/QUOTE]

    <div>No, I find plenty of cute shoes for way under $50 and even then I make sure I will use them a lot for work, etc. The only time I go over $50 is usually for running shoes because I'm really picky about what running shoes I wear. </div><div>
    </div><div>And the point is that MOST shoes that the Bride picks is usually not wearable again be it the style of the shoe won't match any other outfit or the shoe isn't comfortable. So yes, blowing $59 (sale) for a shoe that will probably be worn only once is ridiculous. Trust me, I have blown money with Brides that have matching shoes but usually it was $15 so I didn't make a stink but if a Bride said that I need to get a $59 shoe, I would definitely would not take that since I barely spend money on shoes anyway.</div>
  • immaeetuimmaeetu member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:269205dd-7e8e-44e9-a6e6-69aa78afeee6">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I the only crazy person on this site who thinks $59 for shoes is BEYOND reasonable and that $15 is borderline ridiculous?! Who says you have to buy crappy things that you'll never wear again?  I would rather spend the extra money for something that's made well and worth integrating into my closet. But again, maybe I'm crazy... LOL!
    Posted by krusso24[/QUOTE]
    I regularly spend $100 on shoes.  It still doesn't mean I want to spend over $50 on shitty shoes that will hurt my feet, that aren't my style and that I will likely never wear again.
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:a19d5e06-bec8-47d2-82b9-c18592a2769f">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP : I regularly spend $100 on shoes.  It still doesn't mean I want to spend over $50 on shitty shoes that will hurt my feet, that aren't my style and that I will likely never wear again.
    Posted by immaeetu[/QUOTE]

    Same here.  I'd also bet money that I already have really great shoes in my closet that would match the BM dress.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:269205dd-7e8e-44e9-a6e6-69aa78afeee6">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I the only crazy person on this site who thinks $59 for shoes is BEYOND reasonable and that $15 is borderline ridiculous?! Who says you have to buy crappy things that you'll never wear again?  I would rather spend the extra money for something that's made well and worth integrating into my closet. But again, maybe I'm crazy... LOL!
    Posted by krusso24[/QUOTE]
    I'll usually spend around $50 on heavy-duty walking shoes for work (which I'll wear every day for a year before they crap out), and I'll spend more on ballroom shoes, but that's about it.  I don't wear dress shoes often enough to consider them an investment like my other shoes are.  Andplusalso, if I AM going to be spending that kind of money on dress shoes for whatever reason, you can be damn sure that I'm going to be the one picking them out.  A bride who just cold sent me a link to $60 shoes and said "Pay up" would be told exactly where she could stick said shoes.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:269205dd-7e8e-44e9-a6e6-69aa78afeee6">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I the only crazy person on this site who thinks $59 for shoes is BEYOND reasonable and that $15 is borderline ridiculous?! Who says you have to buy crappy things that you'll never wear again?  I would rather spend the extra money for something that's made well and worth integrating into my closet. But again, maybe I'm crazy... LOL!
    Posted by krusso24[/QUOTE]

    i don't think you're crazy:)  i would be super happy if my friend said the shoes were only $59 (especially if they were cute)!!!  but that's just my opinion.
    Anniversary
  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:4d6bc76e-161f-4b81-894e-71c7778c5929">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP : i don't think you're crazy:)  i would be super happy if my friend said the shoes were only $59 (especially if they were cute)!!!  but that's just my opinion.
    Posted by mikeynkrib2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>So what if the shoes were ugly as sin and hurt your feet? </div>
  • krusso24krusso24 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    But why would you buy ugly shoes that hurt your feet no matter what the price is?  That doesn't seem very logical...

    ...ps, often shoes that are more "expensive" DON'T hurt your feel because they are made from better materials and constructed more appropriately.  If you buy cheap synthetic shoes that are made out of plastic or acrylic they are sure to hurt your feet...
    Soon-to-be Mrs. C

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:52106564-45d8-4ed5-862c-92e5516cb269">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>But why would you buy ugly shoes that hurt your feet no matter what the price is? </strong> That doesn't seem very logical... ...ps, often shoes that are more "expensive" DON'T hurt your feel because they are made from better materials and constructed more appropriately.  If you buy cheap synthetic shoes that are made out of plastic or acrylic they are sure to hurt your feet...
    Posted by krusso24[/QUOTE]
    Because the bride says you have to?  And you're right, it isn't very logical.  That doesn't keep people from trying to subject their friends to it, though.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_going-choke-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:41ab1747-eb0c-4f67-a1bc-14085565995aPost:52106564-45d8-4ed5-862c-92e5516cb269">Re: Going to CHOKE a Bridesmaid! HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>But why would you buy ugly shoes that hurt your feet no matter what the price is?</strong>  That doesn't seem very logical... ...ps, often shoes that are more "expensive" DON'T hurt your feel because they are made from better materials and constructed more appropriately.  If you buy cheap synthetic shoes that are made out of plastic or acrylic they are sure to hurt your feet...
    Posted by krusso24[/QUOTE]

    <div>Very true. To me, the couple times I had to get matching shoes they were $15 and I was only fine with it because my feet were not killing me and at that time I didn't know  that I could just tell my friend "hey, why not just let us pick our own shoes but you can decided the color?" Trust me, I have been in plenty of weddings now to know when to speak my mind on something. But I will say I still did not use those shoes for anything else and gave them to Goodwill because they weren't my style.</div><div>
    </div><div>Don't assume that all lower price shoes are crappy made and hurt your feet. I have some awesome work shoes from JCPenney that cost me $30, I also have many cute casual shoes from Payless that are also comfortable and been through a lot of wear and tear. </div><div>
    </div><div>Once again, no Bride should tell a BM what shoe to get despite the cost. If the Bride really wants that shoe she should pay for it. Specially in this economy people don't have a lot of "extra" money to be thrown around because it's apart of the Bride's "vision". 
    <div>
    </div></div>
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