New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM

jcamm11

My friend (L) is going to be in her cousin's wedding the week after mine.  She is now 7 weeks pregnant, and will be 7 months along at the time of her cousin's wedding in July.  L's father called her today, and said he recieved a call from the bride's father, requesting that L call up the bride and "bow out gracefully" from her bridesmaid duties.  The bride's father said that the bride just really wants everything to be perfect, and that pregnancies can be unpredictable, and the bride is under so much stress with her wedding planning that it's really making her worry.  He of course also added in a BS concern that L's ankles may be swollen making it uncomfortable for her to walk and stand.

L is extremely hurt, as she was always very close with the bride and her family, and is now feeling ostracized by them.  L and her husband have been TTC (which the bride knew when she asked her to be a maid) because L had a condition in which she didn't even know if she'd be able to get pregnant, and nobody in bride's family is at all congratulatory - they only care about how it will effect the wedding.  It has made her question the sincerity of her relationship with her cousin, aunt, and uncle.  Yes, she's upset that she was really looking forward to being in the wedding, but more so because she feels like her close family ties have all been an illusion.  So please, brides, when you post about kicking out a prego-BM, and you get attacked by the posters on this site, you should really thank them for having the heart to give you a slap on the wrist because the damage this does to relationships is far more painful than hurtful words said on a forum.

That being said, L still has the issue of making the phone call to the bride to bow out of the wedding.  She's pissed off that the bride is basically going to get off without any blood on her hands so to speak if L removes herself from the wedding.  I told her if it were me I would not call to bow out, and I would make the bride call me and kick me out.  L feels the same way, but there's some concern that this plan may cause more family drama, so anyone's 2 cents on what to do about this would be appreciated.  L's a sweet girl, but she's definitely got some fiest in her, and is more than willing to give the bride a run for her money.

kellya01

Wow, that's kind of sad.  The family should be celebrating her pregnancy, not ostracizing her.  

I would totally see advocating for this girl to stand her ground and show the bride that a 7-month pregnant woman can still be a supportive bridesmaid, but honestly, if I was in her shoes, I'd probably just let it go and let the rude family have it their way... it would be less of a headache for me that way.  Has the preggo woman talked to the actual bride, or just the bride's father (or whoever said she should bow out)?  I would call and see the bride's take on the situation.  Maybe she just needs to reassure the bride that being pregnant is not going to stop her ability to participate in the wedding, and that she doesn't anticipate having problems being able to stand for the ceremony (now, she may still want a back-up chair or pew seat just in case).  IMO, the bride is WAY out of line (as you already know!!) and maybe if this preggo woman calls the bride to the carpet, the bride will realize how rude she's been.  Hmm.  So sorry for your friend going through this.  Definitely help support her if the family continues to ostracize her!! 

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:568e551b-2a03-41ac-86ae-90682d8c3262">New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]My friend (L) is going to be in her cousin's wedding the week after mine.  She is now 7 weeks pregnant, and will be 7 months along at the time of her cousin's wedding in July.  L's father called her today, and said he recieved a call from the bride's father, requesting that L call up the bride and "bow out gracefully" from her bridesmaid duties.  The bride's father said that the bride just really wants everything to be perfect, and that pregnancies can be unpredictable, and the bride is under so much stress with her wedding planning that it's really making her worry.  He of course also added in a BS concern that L's ankles may be swollen making it uncomfortable for her to walk and stand. L is extremely hurt, as she was always very close with the bride and her family, and is now feeling ostracized by them.  L and her husband have been TTC (which the bride knew when she asked her to be a maid) because L had a condition in which she didn't even know if she'd be able to get pregnant, and nobody in bride's family is at all congratulatory - they only care about how it will effect the wedding.  It has made her question the sincerity of her relationship with her cousin, aunt, and uncle.  Yes, she's upset that she was really looking forward to being in the wedding, but more so because she feels like her close family ties have all been an illusion.  So please, brides, when you post about kicking out a prego-BM, and you get attacked by the posters on this site, you should really thank them for having the heart to give you a slap on the wrist because the damage this does to relationships is far more painful than hurtful words said on a forum. That being said, L still has the issue of making the phone call to the bride to bow out of the wedding.  She's pissed off that the bride is basically going to get off without any blood on her hands so to speak if L removes herself from the wedding.  I told her if it were me I would not call to bow out, and I would make the bride call me and kick me out.  L feels the same way, but there's some concern that this plan may cause more family drama, so anyone's 2 cents on what to do about this would be appreciated.  L's a sweet girl, but she's definitely got some fiest in her, and is more than willing to give the bride a run for her money.
Posted by jcamm11[/QUOTE]

FIrst things first - is additional stress going to be a danger to the pregnancy?  If it is, then I'd bow out.  If it isn't, I'd tell the bride that if she wants me gone then she's going to be the bad guy and kick me out.  As for the family drama, the Bride started it when she had her dad make that ridiculous phone call.  Believe me, my SsIL and mom would make sure everyone in the family knew about that phone call, and most likely use it to say "in case you're wondering why we won't be at *insert event*"

Take all this with a grain of salt.  I'm from a family who believes in getting even and not letting anyone get away with bad behavior. 

Thank you for posting this.  Most of us couldn't care less about colors or any of the other miniscule things brides post about.  What we will dig our heels in for is stopping someone from treating other people badly.

sister2groom

Is there any way the bride didn't know about this? Possibly that L's uncle is being an overprotective jerk. Have L's dad tell his brother that he will not tell his daughter the message, if L's cousin/uncle want her to know about it, they're going to have to talk to  her directly (they don't know he already passed on the message). If I were L's dad there's no way I would let my brother and his jerk of a daughter screw with my daughter and upset her like that simply because she was carrying my grandbaby. Heaven forbid we physically strain the pregnant BM by making her walk down the aisle, instead we'll stress her out by treating her like a disposable BM.

M&R7111

My SIL's due date for her second child is my wedding date.  She said "as long as I'm not in labor I'll be standing up there next to you!"  I couldn't be happier, even if she does go into labor in the middle of the whole event.  I must say, I'm nervous for her safety, but I'll let her make her own decision about her ability to be in my wedding.  There will be a chair waiting for her in case her 'swollen ankels' need some rest; right next to me and the other BMs   My bro will, of course, have the car packed and ready at any moment!

It's a shame that many brides get all caught up in the "details" of their wedding that the birth of a child (especially one that was conceived against odds) will "ruin everything!"

The bride in this story is creating her own damn stress.

Beachy730

I definitely wouldn't make that phone call, I would make the bride come to me and "kick me out."  

nannewmur

Being the kind of upfront person I am, I would print out this entire thread and have someone from another city  mail this (so they have no idea due to postmark) , seperately, to the bride and her loving father.  I say the BM should share her stress this "loving family" has put her through.  In fact, PM me and I will give you my address and I would gladly mail it!

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:b724dd7b-19d7-4b44-836a-0b01562a3281">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, that's kind of sad.  The family should be celebrating her pregnancy, not ostracizing her.   I would totally see advocating for this girl to stand her ground and show the bride that a 7-month pregnant woman can still be a supportive bridesmaid, but honestly, if I was in her shoes, I'd probably just let it go and let the rude family have it their way... it would be less of a headache for me that way. <strong> Has the preggo woman talked to the actual bride, or just the bride's father (or whoever said she should bow out)?</strong>  I would call and see the bride's take on the situation.  Maybe she just needs to reassure the bride that being pregnant is not going to stop her ability to participate in the wedding, and that she doesn't anticipate having problems being able to stand for the ceremony (now, she may still want a back-up chair or pew seat just in case).  IMO, the bride is WAY out of line (as you already know!!) and maybe if this preggo woman calls the bride to the carpet, the bride will realize how rude she's been.  Hmm.  So sorry for your friend going through this.  Definitely help support her if the family continues to ostracize her!! 
Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]

No, she has not talked to anyone in the bride's family 1st hand.  The bride's father called her father who called her.

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:e8f9afe8-aadd-437d-b8c4-17669bfd15c6">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM : <strong> FIrst things first - is additional stress going to be a danger to the pregnancy</strong>?  If it is, then I'd bow out.  If it isn't, I'd tell the bride that if she wants me gone then she's going to be the bad guy and kick me out.  As for the family drama, the Bride started it when she had her dad make that ridiculous phone call.  Believe me, my SsIL and mom would make sure everyone in the family knew about that phone call, and most likely use it to say "in case you're wondering why we won't be at *insert event*" Take all this with a grain of salt.  I'm from a family who believes in getting even and not letting anyone get away with bad behavior.  Thank you for posting this.  Most of us couldn't care less about colors or any of the other miniscule things brides post about.  What we will dig our heels in for is stopping someone from treating other people badly.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

I don't think so, she's only going to be 25.  She gets stressed out easily, and has had a lot of stress with work, plus she's been feeling really crappy with the pregnancy, so I see what you're saying.  Her parents aren't thrilled by what's going on, but they don't seem to want to boycott the wedding over it.   Your family rocks btw

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:063f4021-0037-477b-970c-a216d68c3d14">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there any way the bride didn't know about this? Possibly that L's uncle is being an overprotective jerk. Have L's dad tell his brother that he will not tell his daughter the message, if L's cousin/uncle want her to know about it, they're going to have to talk to  her directly (they don't know he already passed on the message). If I were L's dad there's no way I would let my brother and his jerk of a daughter screw with my daughter and upset her like that simply because she was carrying my grandbaby. Heaven forbid we physically strain the pregnant BM by making her walk down the aisle, instead we'll stress her out by treating her like a disposable BM.
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

She's pretty sure it came from the bride and bride's Mom.  She said the bride has been sort of zilla-ish in other ways to all the maids, and the Mom was being really controlling during dress shopping (one of those all day ventures where everyone was starving and had to sit around while nothing met the vision).  Not sure if L's Dad calling his bro back and telling him he's not getting in the middle of it is an option at this point, but I will run it past her.  The fact her uncle did not stand up to the bride and her Mom who can get a little nutty at times is one of L's greatest sore spots in all this.  She feels really betrayed by him.  I agree, her parents should stand up against this mistreatment.

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:2adb00c1-d6b9-4505-bd4a-abe89ac9fdea">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]My SIL's due date for her second child is my wedding date.  She said "as long as I'm not in labor I'll be standing up there next to you!"  I couldn't be happier, even if she does go into labor in the middle of the whole event.  I must say, I'm nervous for her safety, but I'll let her make her own decision about her ability to be in my wedding.  There will be a chair waiting for her in case her 'swollen ankels' need some rest; right next to me and the other BMs :)  My bro will, of course, have the car packed and ready at any moment! It's a shame that many brides get all caught up in the "details" of their wedding that the birth of a child (especially one that was conceived against odds) will "ruin everything!" The bride in this story is creating her own damn stress.
Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

Yea, my FSIL is going to be nearly due at my wedding too.  L is going to be way less far along than my prego maid, and I'm not losing sleep over it.

SirJuliusVonHaast

That is terrible! 

If I were her father, I would not have passed along the message. I would have told the bride's father that if the bride wanted to kick my daughter out of the wedding (for a lame reason) that she would have to call and do it herself. 

What would I do if I were L? I would call the bride and say that I've called to talk to her person to person, because I'm not the kind of coward who would have my daddy call someone else's daddy. I would tell her that there are tons of pregnant bridesmaids every year and that it is considered a friendship ending move to kick someone out of your bridal party. Either that or I would pretend to have never gotten the message or refuse to respond to it since having someone call someone who calls someone else is not really a form of communication for those over the age of 12. That would also force the bride to say it herself if she wants L out. 

If the bride really is in on this, and it's not just her father, I wouldn't attend the wedding after being kicked out as a bridesmaid. 

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:fd6a1170-9eca-4931-8d19-4c11d5e6e97e">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]Being the kind of upfront person I am, I would print out this entire thread and have someone from another city  mail this (so they have no idea due to postmark) , seperately, to the bride and her loving father.  I say the BM should share her stress this "loving family" has put her through.  In fact, PM me and I will give you my address and I would gladly mail it!
Posted by nannewmur[/QUOTE]

Haha!  Thanks, for the offer.  We probably won't go this route.  Even if L was up for it, my FI would probably step in as the voice of reason and put the kabosh on that knife-twisting plan.  I was thinking about facebooking similar thread, and telling L to comment on it or like it, so her cousin's fam would see it.

MairePoppy

It's no surprise that an over protective father and demanding mother would produce a self-centered and  unsympathetic daughter.

L should call the bride and give her a chance to explain. It's possible the FOB, who is a jerk, took it upon himself to make that call. And if the bride is the one who initiated it, then she will be forced to apologize for the 'mistake' or confirm that she does want L to step down. I'm hoping against hope that this was not the bride's idea.

Thanks for sharing this story. It might give perspective to other brides who are thinking about asking a bm to step down.

8daysaweek

What. A. Witch.

I had a dozen different thoughts of how i would handle this if I were L, none of them nice. I'm curious - has L purchased a dress already? I could see these people trying to tell her that because *she bowed out* they don't have to reimburse her for the cost.

Personally, I wouldn't do anything. If they called to ask dad or me about it again, I would reply something along the lines of "Your request was so rude and absurd, we were sure you would quickly realize how appalling your behavior was and call to apologize."

But yeah, I would make them sweat it out by not saying anything or acknowledging it at all and then if they insist on doing it, I would make them kick me out, not "bow out" for their sake.

Oh, and if they did kick me out, I wouldn't be attending the shower or wedding or anything else for these people until their was a very sincere apology on their part.

KatyRoseM

I would assume that the bride didn't intend for this to happen.  I would assume that she was stressed, and talked to her dad, who was foolish and trying to fix things.  I would not mention it to the bride at all, and pretend foolish dad had not gotten involved. 

Even if I thought that the bride was behind it I would pretend I didn't, thus forcing her to speak for herself. 

[Deleted User]

I would worry that the bride's father was twisting words and that the bride did not want the pregnant BM out at all. So if the preg BM did step down, she would look like the unsupportive bad guy.

jcamm11

Thanks, for all your replies.  I will probably see L tomorrow night.  I will put up another post to update on what all goes down.

I don't think L had to buy a dress yet, as she didn't mention it.  I will update on that after I talk to her too.

For the posters who are concerned this may be the father's doing:  this was presented to me as FOB was calling after being asked to by Bride and MOB.  L said she was most disappointed in FOB because he was always the voice of reason when his family did snippy stuff like this, and she feels like he just caved and didn't stand up for her, so I didn't consider this all being him to be a possibility.  Also, men tend not to give a crap about this sort of thing, but this is all 3rd hand information (FOB to L's Dad to L), so I suppose it's a possibility.  I will bring it up to her when I see her next.

Thanks, again for all the replies!

nannewmur

Good luck to L and am hoping for a positive outcome!

whirlybird27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:685354cc-950e-426d-b83b-c20a2b04f771">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]I definitely wouldn't make that phone call, I would make the bride come to me and "kick me out."  
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>I would too. If someone is SO concerned with how things look rather than those they love then in no way would I make their lives easier. She would have to call me herself and ask me to step down-and I wouldn't make it easy either. Totally would make her spell it out.  I am not a vindictive person but this just made my blood boil. </div><div>Congratulations to your friend on her pregnancy and good thoughts and prayers for her!</div>

KJ7985

This makes me so angry. There have been a million posts from superficial people about the "problem" of having a pregnant bridesmaid. This just makes me sick, people need a reality check. I would absolutely NOT call to "bow out" of her wedding. 

sas0402

This is my situation...

What do you ladies think is the best thing to do IF the person in your bridal party that is now pregnant and didnt even want to be in the wedding in the first place... and they dont support the wedding... and has been giving you grief ever since you recieved your engaged ring.  Didnt even say congratulations to the engagement.  BUT you decided to ask this person to be in the bridal party because it was the right thing to do cause they are your sister...
sooo how would u handle this situation?  cause the impression i get is that this person doesnt really care about the wedding cause all along they made comments that they dont even want to attend it and isnt even involved or friendly with the bride while the whole planning process is going on... so seems to me that this will work in their favor that maybe they wont be able to make it to the wedding because their due date is real close to the wedding date.

Do you feel its shallow to ask this bridesmaid to step out of the wedding?

VRL

I'm the type of person who couldn't just let this go without acknowledgment.

I would call the Bride, ask for an explanation - and if she still wanted me to 'bow out' of the wedding, I would tell her that I'll do one better:

I will not attend the showers, I will not attend wedding, and I will remove myself from her life completely if my presence is such an inconvenience and blemish on her existence.

I would then hang up the phone and ignore any subsequent calls or attempts at contact until she showed up at my door to fix the mess she's made, in person.

But then, in all honesty, I'm a bit of a bitch that way.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:e7206b1a-5db4-4d2d-9a0e-3fd3098edc4f">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]This is my situation... What do you ladies think is the best thing to do IF the person in your bridal party that is now pregnant and didnt even want to be in the wedding in the first place... and they dont support the wedding... and has been giving you grief ever since you recieved your engaged ring.  Didnt even say congratulations to the engagement.  BUT you decided to ask this person to be in the bridal party because it was the right thing to do cause they are your sister... sooo how would u handle this situation?  cause the impression i get is that this person doesnt really care about the wedding cause all along they made comments that they dont even want to attend it and isnt even involved or friendly with the bride while the whole planning process is going on... so seems to me that this will work in their favor that maybe they wont be able to make it to the wedding because their due date is real close to the wedding date. Do you feel its shallow to ask this bridesmaid to step out of the wedding?
Posted by sas0402[/QUOTE]

It's shallow and rude to ask anyone to leave your wedding party unless they have tried to kill you.  All she has to do is stand up there with you, right?  From what friends have told me, you don't even notice your BMs most of the wedding day anyway.

rombacja

haha girls are so stupid sometimes. don't invite someone to be your maid if you don't want them to be and don't "uninvite" them if you want them to be your friend still. I am going to have at least 1 pregnant bridesmaid and I'm praying that I have a second b/c my SIL has been trying for nearly 3 years to conceive.

It's amazing what a tailor can do to make a bridesmaid dress look nice on a beautiful, glowing pregnant woman.

italy87

I read so many posts about people attacking brides because they wants their wedding to be about them, because the bride is not displaying unselfish behavior and is not moraly-correct.  Im sorry, but I will be the one to step outside the box, even if it is not considered to be socially acceptable to think a woman's wedding should not be bout how they invision their wedding to be.  So, you are saying a woman far along or about to have a baby should not feel the unselfishness and think, I am having a baby and it is a wonderful thing, but I want my family member/wonderful friend, to be able to enjoy their moment.(I guess thatis not allowed)  That once in a life time event, that so many women have dreamed of.  Why cant she be in the pews and supporting her and ensuring a wonderful wedding?  I feel for both women in this story.  So what people here are saying, is that a pregnant woman takes precidence over a happy bride to be and no pregnant woman should ever conceive the notion that she can support the event if she was no longer a part of the bridal party.

If it was me, I would have said to the bride before it even came to this(after bout 3-4 months), "Hey, I love you dearly and want this day to be so special for you.  I do not want anything, even in the slightest way, to take away from your day!  You day as one of the most special days in your life.   I wil still be at the wedding to support you, but in everyone's best interest, I feel it is best if I step down.  But if you still want me to be in your wedding, I will do everything in my poswer to be there as a member of your BP.  I will be ok, with stepping down and you getting someone else to fill in."

sas0402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:86b99ffb-4583-4179-b132-c6d462238516">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM : It's shallow and rude to ask anyone to leave your wedding party unless they have tried to kill you.  All she has to do is stand up there with you, right?  From what friends have told me, you don't even notice your BMs most of the wedding day anyway.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

the bottom line is that i asked my sister to be in the wedding because thats what my family wanted... and i tried to make everyone else happy.  I guess the bottom line is i shouldnt have asked someone that isnt supportive of even the wedding to be in the bridal party even if that means my own parents will be mad at me for not asking my own sister in the wedding.

sas0402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:2c292203-2726-44fe-bb9e-704fecddb7c2">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]haha girls are so stupid sometimes. don't invite someone to be your maid if you don't want them to be and don't "uninvite" them if you want them to be your friend still. I am going to have at least 1 pregnant bridesmaid and I'm praying that I have a second b/c my SIL has been trying for nearly 3 years to conceive. It's amazing what a tailor can do to make a bridesmaid dress look nice on a beautiful, glowing pregnant woman.
Posted by rombacja[/QUOTE]
Everyones situation is different...
sometimes you have parents that insist you put a certain person in your bridal party.

VRL

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:e7206b1a-5db4-4d2d-9a0e-3fd3098edc4f">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]This is my situation... What do you ladies think is the best thing to do IF the person in your bridal party that is now pregnant and didnt even want to be in the wedding in the first place... and they dont support the wedding... and has been giving you grief ever since you recieved your engaged ring.  Didnt even say congratulations to the engagement.  BUT you decided to ask this person to be in the bridal party because it was the right thing to do cause they are your sister... sooo how would u handle this situation?  cause the impression i get is that this person doesnt really care about the wedding cause all along they made comments that they dont even want to attend it and isnt even involved or friendly with the bride while the whole planning process is going on... so seems to me that this will work in their favor that maybe they wont be able to make it to the wedding because their due date is real close to the wedding date. Do you feel its shallow to ask this bridesmaid to step out of the wedding?
Posted by sas0402[/QUOTE]


If you asked your sister to be part of the wedding party despite her 'obvious' lack of enthusiasm over your engagement, then now you need to deal with the consequences of your decision. Asking her to step down will likely cause irrevocable damage to your relationship with her, and could jeopardize your pending relationship with her child.

If, as you said, she didn't want to be in the wedding party to begin with, then she would have said as much. If she accepted, even under protest, the idea couldn't possibly have been that abhorred to her.

That being said, if she really is being difficult, stop discussing the wedding with her. Stop expecting her to do anything except wear a dress, walk down an aisle, and smile for pictures. You can make life all the more easier for yourself if you let her pick her own dress and accessories (following your reasonable guidelines, of course).

Your sister will continue to be your sister long after your wedding - try to keep that in mind.

italy87

This is my situation...
In response to SAS0402...


What do you ladies think is the best thing to do IF the person in your bridal party that is now pregnant and didnt even want to be in the wedding in the first place... and they dont support the wedding... and has been giving you grief ever since you recieved your engaged ring.  Didnt even say congratulations to the engagement.  BUT you decided to ask this person to be in the bridal party because it was the right thing to do cause they are your sister...
sooo how would u handle this situation?  cause the impression i get is that this person doesnt really care about the wedding cause all along they made comments that they dont even want to attend it and isnt even involved or friendly with the bride while the whole planning process is going on... so seems to me that this will work in their favor that maybe they wont be able to make it to the wedding because their due date is real close to the wedding date.

Do you feel its shallow to ask this bridesmaid to step out of the wedding?

A BM is the person who supports you and believes in you and is there to stand witness to this moment.  how can you expect someone to be a part of your weeding, when she does not support your decision and only causes grief and stress.  Why did you choose your sister if she was so rude and mean?

In response to GoodLuckbeara...

It's shallow and rude to ask anyone to leave your wedding party unless they have tried to kill you.  All she has to do is stand up there with you, right?  From what friends have told me, you don't even notice your BMs most of the wedding day anyway.


I have a cousin, who was getting married and her parents told her it was customary to have a sister to be the BM, if there was a sister.  The sister was not too fond of the groom, which is of no surprise in itself(how many feel there is a man good enough for their sis).  As things moved along towards the wedding, the sister has come to show she really dispises th groom.  She had made comments about the grooms extended family(which is of no relation to the BM to be).  Some of the remarks have been extremely unkind and hurtful.  The groom has inter-racial marriages in his family.  The BM has made racial comments about not wanting to be related to N**gers, after they had gotten engaged.  Why accept being a BM if this is your position on the groom and you do not support inter-racial marriages??  Imagine if she became pregnant and and due around the time of the wedding.  This seems to be dramma of a BM to hurt the bride to be.

VRL

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_new-crappy-twist-kicking-out-prego-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:434feba5-29f3-4e4b-b924-ed984ce6a50aPost:d40c0cd4-6eba-407c-a875-76643d925c50">Re: New crappy twist on kicking out a prego-BM</a>:
[QUOTE]I read so many posts about people attacking brides because they wants their wedding to be about them, because the bride is not displaying unselfish behavior and is not moraly-correct.  Im sorry, but I will be the one to step outside the box, even if it is not considered to be socially acceptable to think a woman's wedding should not be bout how they invision their wedding to be.  So, you are saying a woman far along or about to have a baby should not feel the unselfishness and think, I am having a baby and it is a wonderful thing, but I want my family member/wonderful friend, to be able to enjoy their moment.(I guess thatis not allowed)  That once in a life time event, that so many women have dreamed of.  Why cant she be in the pews and supporting her and ensuring a wonderful wedding?  I feel for both women in this story.  So what people here are saying, is that a pregnant woman takes precidence over a happy bride to be and no pregnant woman should ever conceive the notion that she can support the event if she was no longer a part of the bridal party. If it was me, I would have said to the bride before it even came to this(after bout 3-4 months), "Hey, I love you dearly and want this day to be so special for you.  I do not want anything, even in the slightest way, to take away from your day!  You day as one of the most special days in your life.   I wil still be at the wedding to support you, but in everyone's best interest, I feel it is best if I step down.  But if you still want me to be in your wedding, I will do everything in my poswer to be there as a member of your BP.  I will be ok, with stepping down and you getting someone else to fill in."
Posted by italy87[/QUOTE]

I'm not a fan of children, and every one who knows me knows that.

That being said - bringing another human being into this world trumps a big party.

Hands down. Every single time.

Absolutely a pregnant woman can show support to her family and friends simply by attending a wedding as a guest.

But if that pregnant woman was originally asked to be in the wedding party, asking her to step down because you're afraid your party will be ruined, or that you won't have the attention of a captive audience is unspeakably selfish.