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Mom fighting me tooth and nail

Every since i have started my wedding planning my mom is fight me tooth and nail. I am doing a beach wedding with a Luau reception and she hated the idea and still does. Every site I like she has to complain about something for example the one site i am considering has a stair way to the beach and she was complaining that is would be hard to walk down in heals. First off the steps are not steap and there are not very many. Second why would you want to wear heals to a beach wedding??? Hello sand and heals dont do well together.

She want s to complain about the cake I am considering because she doesnt like like coconut! Guess what me and my fiance do!

I am soo stressed with her. Not to metion she hasnt even told me if her and my dad are helping me with the wedding costs! Which also is stressfull.

Need advice!

Re: Mom fighting me tooth and nail

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-fighting-tooth-nail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4464a8f2-f39f-4829-8c04-4e639e671489Post:e0e8d7cb-f770-40e2-a65d-317d2103d16b">Mom fighting me tooth and nail</a>:
    [QUOTE]Every since i have started my wedding planning my mom is fight me tooth and nail. I am doing a beach wedding with a Luau reception and she hated the idea and still does. Every site I like she has to complain about something for example the one site i am considering has a stair way to the beach and she was complaining that is would be hard to walk down in heals. First off the steps are not steap and there are not very many. Second why would you want to wear heals to a beach wedding??? Hello sand and heals dont do well together. She want s to complain about the cake I am considering because she doesnt like like coconut! Guess what me and my fiance do! I am soo stressed with her. Not to metion she hasnt even told me if her and my dad are helping me with the wedding costs! Which also is stressfull. Need advice!
    Posted by nykolk[/QUOTE]

    Mom is allowed to have opinions.  She wants the wedding to go as smoothly as possible and wants all the guests to have a good time and make it comfortable with them. 

    Maybe a lot of people don't like coconut.  Maybe it's not all all about you.  It's your wedding, but you also have the make the guests happy too, and maybe it's smarter to choose a more popular cake flavor other than coconut.

    When is the wedding?  Maybe she hasn't decided yet if she is able to help out with paying for things yet. 
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    edited December 2011
    Your wedding is over a year away.  Why are you making all these plans now?  Also, it may be too early for your mom to get a grasp on budget and what things cost etc.  So she may not know yet what she can do financially.  She doesn't have to give you a dime anyway unless she wants to.  You have a year to go, so you should chill out some
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Let me speak from a mom's POV. We  moms sometimes get silly about things.  And we have ideas for our daughter's weddings.  And they don't always match our DD's ideas.  So we get a little touchy, and our DD's get a little touchy.  It's a fact of life.  =)

    Understand that if your mom does offer financial help, it sounds like it's going to come with strings attached.  So you need to decide if you can live with the strings, or not.

    If you pay for your wedding, then you need to say to your mom, "thanks for the suggestion mom.  I'll think about it."  Then think about it, toss it, and do what you want.

    And perhaps, on some occasions,  you need to not quickly take offense at your mom's suggestions, because it sounds like you might be.  Your mom's concern about the steps is a valid one, particularly if you have mobility challenged guests. 

    So listen a little, explain a little, accept suggestions that might be valid, and let go of the ones that aren't.

    I think your wedding plans sound cute and fun.  Give her some time to get used to some of them.

    But I am going to comment on one thing:  I love, love, love coconut anything.  I'm the only person in my house who does.  And in my experience, fewer people DON'T like coconut than do.

    So may I suggest that since you and your FI do love coconut, perhaps you have just one tier of your cake be coconut so that you can have what you like, and have the other tiers with other tropical flavors: maybe a mango filling, for example.

    Because you do need to keep in mind that you want your guests to enjoy your cake as well.  =)

    GL
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    edited December 2011
    I agree 100% with Trix.

    Now that you are an adult, old enough to get married, it's time to work on the dynamics of your relationship with your mom. Try a different attitude. Approach these plans as though you would like to have a discussion rather than an argument. You have a better chance of getting your mom to listen to you, if you hear her ideas out first. Maybe then you will appreciate where she is comming from. And you will be able to figure out some compromises.

    As for the money issue, assume she is not paying if she hasn't offered. Start making plans that you can afford. If she does contribute, you will have to take her opinions into consideration.

    And I think a beach/luau wedding sounds like a lot of fun, too. Don't forget the Mai Tais.



                       
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    edited December 2011
    I don't know if your mother's opinions make sense or not but it is possible that she is actually trying to help you. You can't stop your mother from expressing her opinions. Meanwhile, its funny that you are hoping that she will contribute financially but you want her to keep her mouth shut. Be prepared to pay for your own wedding.
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