I need advice about FMIL! Please help!

LiveyLoo

I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. My FMIL does not like me. I have only met her 3 times(we've been together almost 2 years) and she lives 10 minutes from my fiance and I. She is very controlling, nosey, and my fiance belives she is bi polar. Everytime he talks to her, on the phone or in person, she makes rude comments about me and it usually ends with a fight.

He proposed on Christmas and was worried about telling her because he knew it would be a fight. Finally, he told her on Sunday and at first she just said she was shocked, then called him 15 times while he was working and went crazy on him.

All three times I have been around her she has insulted me to my face, glared at me when I'm talking, and laughed at me for no reason. I don't know how to react to this. It hurts my feelings and I've told my fiance that. He has tried talking to her and it leads to a major fight every time.

The last time I saw her we went to lunch the day after he told her we were getting married. She insulted my engagement ring and laughed at it, right in front of both of us. She also asked me when I would be getting a better paying job and if I have set up any interviews.

I don't know how to handle this situation. She would refuse to speak with me on the phone, according to my fiance. I've asked him if we could all three sit down at her house and discuss her feelings towards me and our relationship but he said she wouldn't go for it.

Any advice on this situation would help me greatly! This bothers me more than anything. I have never had someone just not like me for no reason.

artbyallie

Your FI really needs to nip this in the bud by explaining to his mother that he will not stand for her treating his future wife this way. If he won't... then you have bigger problems. If he's old enough to get married, he's old enough to stand up to his mom.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-fmil-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44872ba8-f5e6-4db6-9af9-66ee4f646e2ePost:83ede8d8-3a62-40b8-98f5-bf2818896996">I need advice about FMIL! Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. My FMIL does not like me. I have only met her 3 times(we've been together almost 2 years) and she lives 10 minutes from my fiance and I. She is very controlling, nosey, and my fiance belives she is bi polar. Everytime he talks to her, on the phone or in person, she makes rude comments about me and it usually ends with a fight. He proposed on Christmas and was worried about telling her because he knew it would be a fight. Finally, he told her on Sunday and at first she just said she was shocked, then called him 15 times while he was working and went crazy on him. All three times I have been around her she has insulted me to my face, glared at me when I'm talking, and laughed at me for no reason. I don't know how to react to this. It hurts my feelings and I've told my fiance that. He has tried talking to her and it leads to a major fight every time. The last time I saw her we went to lunch the day after he told her we were getting married. She insulted my engagement ring and laughed at it, right in front of both of us. She also asked me when I would be getting a better paying job and if I have set up any interviews. I don't know how to handle this situation. She would refuse to speak with me on the phone, according to my fiance. I've asked him if we could all three sit down at her house and discuss her feelings towards me and our relationship but he said she wouldn't go for it. Any advice on this situation would help me greatly! This bothers me more than anything. I have never had someone just not like me for no reason.
Posted by LiveyLoo[/QUOTE]
DH was worried about how his mother would handle him getting engaged and married, but he made it very clear early on both to me and his mother that if she had a problem with me, he wouldn't hesitate to cut off contact with her.  If your FI won't stand up to you to his mother, he's not worth marrying.  It's as simple as that.

janicejab

  Your fiance needs to stand up to his mother. He needs to explain to her that her actions and attitude are only going to effect his relationship with her, not his relationship with you. 
  I don't really think you can do much in this situation, other than being cordial to her and keeping your interaction with her to a minimum. Unfortunately, it sounds like anything you do will just fuel her irrational behavior.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-fmil-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44872ba8-f5e6-4db6-9af9-66ee4f646e2ePost:a442cff7-19db-44cd-8e58-40e926af7860">Re: I need advice about FMIL! Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to I need advice about FMIL! Please help! : DH was worried about how his mother would handle him getting engaged and married, but he made it very clear early on both to me and his mother that if she had a problem with me, he wouldn't hesitate to cut off contact with her.  If your FI won't stand up to you to his mother, he's not worth marrying.  It's as simple as that.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Ditto to this.

Your FI needs to tell his mom that if she can't hold her tongue and treat you with respect then he will start cutting off contact with her (and he needs to make sure he sticks to it). If he can't set up boundairies with her then you have a lot of problems besides his mom. She sounds BSC (batsh*tcrazy) and I think whatever her mental status is if it really is Bipolar that your FI needs to suggest to her to get some help.

LiveyLoo

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need advice about FMIL! Please help! : Ditto to this. Your FI needs to tell his mom that if she can't hold her tongue and treat you with respect then he will start cutting off contact with her (and he needs to make sure he sticks to it). If he can't set up boundairies with her then you have a lot of problems besides his mom. She sounds BSC (batsh*tcrazy) and I think whatever her mental status is if it really is Bipolar that your FI needs to suggest to her to get some help.
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

He suggests her getting help all the time. She has threatened suicide countless times because she says no one loves her. I've even told him that if she would let me I would be close to her. The craziest part about this whole thing is my dad and her were good friends at work and she was the one that suggested we meet and go out on a date!

He has asked her to respect his decisions and choices in life and she just goes crazy yelling and cursing at him. I have never heard of a person being this judgemental and cruel. She really doesn't have anyone other than my fiance and his brother because she has pushed everyone away and cut them off.

Because she has cut everyone off(her sister and neice and nephew) my fiance feels he only has her and his brother so he is hesitant to cut ties with her because they are the only family he has. I just really feel for him because it truly breaks his heart and stresses him out.

She turned my FBIL against me(not long after we first started dating) and now he treats me the same way. He will come over and not even speak to me, just pretend I'm not even there. He refuses to get to know me. FBIL is getting married in May and I will more than likely not even be invited to the wedding. He talks bad about me to FFIL and his wife(who lives in South Carolina). I thank God every day for them because they actually like me.

I am worried that if she does show up to our wedding she will make a scene or voice her opinions about me and it will cause a fight. I'm just at a total loss. I have never heard of or known a person like this so I really don't know how to handle it.

I told my fiance that maybe he should just have a seperate relationship with his mother and brother and leave me out of it because going around her is so upsetting for me and causes us to fight.

He is far from a momma's boy. He was in the Marines for 4 years and lived away from home. He worries something will happen to her so he tries hard to be there for her. She had breast cancer twice when he was growing up and I think he just doesn't want the guilt of knowing he wasn't there for her if something were to happen to her.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-fmil-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44872ba8-f5e6-4db6-9af9-66ee4f646e2ePost:65b004cb-0620-4a3e-8d04-d7fa107fe3bb">Re: I need advice about FMIL! Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]He suggests her getting help all the time. She has threatened suicide countless times because she says no one loves her. I've even told him that if she would let me I would be close to her. The craziest part about this whole thing is my dad and her were good friends at work and she was the one that suggested we meet and go out on a date! He has asked her to respect his decisions and choices in life and she just goes crazy yelling and cursing at him. I have never heard of a person being this judgemental and cruel. She really doesn't have anyone other than my fiance and his brother because she has pushed everyone away and cut them off. Because she has cut everyone off(her sister and neice and nephew) my fiance feels he only has her and his brother so he is hesitant to cut ties with her because they are the only family he has. I just really feel for him because it truly breaks his heart and stresses him out. She turned my FBIL against me(not long after we first started dating) and now he treats me the same way. He will come over and not even speak to me, just pretend I'm not even there. He refuses to get to know me. FBIL is getting married in May and I will more than likely not even be invited to the wedding. He talks bad about me to FFIL and his wife(who lives in South Carolina). I thank God every day for them because they actually like me. I am worried that if she does show up to our wedding she will make a scene or voice her opinions about me and it will cause a fight. I'm just at a total loss. I have never heard of or known a person like this so I really don't know how to handle it. I told my fiance that maybe he should just have a seperate relationship with his mother and brother and leave me out of it because going around her is so upsetting for me and causes us to fight. He is far from a momma's boy. He was in the Marines for 4 years and lived away from home. He worries something will happen to her so he tries hard to be there for her. She had breast cancer twice when he was growing up and I think he just doesn't want the guilt of knowing he wasn't there for her if something were to happen to her.
Posted by LiveyLoo[/QUOTE]

Just because he's a Marine doesn't mean he's not a momma's boy. She still says jump, he still says "How high?" That's a momma's boy. She uses guilt with him because it works. It gets her the attention she craves.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-fmil-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44872ba8-f5e6-4db6-9af9-66ee4f646e2ePost:65b004cb-0620-4a3e-8d04-d7fa107fe3bb">Re: I need advice about FMIL! Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]He suggests her getting help all the time. She has threatened suicide countless times because she says no one loves her. I've even told him that if she would let me I would be close to her. The craziest part about this whole thing is my dad and her were good friends at work and she was the one that suggested we meet and go out on a date! He has asked her to respect his decisions and choices in life and she just goes crazy yelling and cursing at him. I have never heard of a person being this judgemental and cruel. She really doesn't have anyone other than my fiance and his brother because she has pushed everyone away and cut them off. Because she has cut everyone off(her sister and neice and nephew) my fiance feels he only has her and his brother so he is hesitant to cut ties with her because they are the only family he has. I just really feel for him because it truly breaks his heart and stresses him out. She turned my FBIL against me(not long after we first started dating) and now he treats me the same way. He will come over and not even speak to me, just pretend I'm not even there. He refuses to get to know me. FBIL is getting married in May and I will more than likely not even be invited to the wedding. He talks bad about me to FFIL and his wife(who lives in South Carolina). I thank God every day for them because they actually like me. I am worried that if she does show up to our wedding she will make a scene or voice her opinions about me and it will cause a fight. I'm just at a total loss. I have never heard of or known a person like this so I really don't know how to handle it. I told my fiance that maybe he should just have a seperate relationship with his mother and brother and leave me out of it because going around her is so upsetting for me and causes us to fight. He is far from a momma's boy. He was in the Marines for 4 years and lived away from home. He worries something will happen to her so he tries hard to be there for her. She had breast cancer twice when he was growing up and I think he just doesn't want the guilt of knowing he wasn't there for her if something were to happen to her.
Posted by LiveyLoo[/QUOTE]

It's not 'normal' to continuously pick up a phone knowing the person on the other line is going to berate you.
His mother is controlling him. And that's a form of abuse.
She is not the only one who needs help. I strongly suggest he speak to a professional.

Honestly, her abusive relationship with her son is trickling down onto you. You do not have to tolerate her. If he won't say anything, you should. And he can either back you up or not. But you have decide what to do based on his actions.

aerinpegadrak

If he's worried about her not having anyone to care for her and she's made threats of suicide, she needs to be hospitalized.  My MIL has been institutionalized before (I thought it was just once, but DH says it was multiple times) and it did help, at least for a while.  It's a hard thing to do, but again, if he's not willing to make that call not just for his sake and your sake, but for her sake, then the marriage isn't going to work long term.  These problems don't go away once you're married.

MairePoppy

This is a very sad situation. Your fmil needs help with her mental illness. Your fi and his siblings should tell her doctor that she is having problems and make sure to mention the suicide threats. You should probably keep your distance from her, until she is making some kind of effort to get treatment.

Your fi should continue to set very clear boundaries for his mom and his brother. The brother should not be treating you rudely, especially in your own home. If you are concerned that your fmil might act out at your wedding, hire a security guard or driver to take her home, if necessary.

sister2groom

Ditto mariePoppy. If you genuinely think she could have some sort of mental illness than you really should try not to take her tirades so personally (I know, I know, easy to say, but it really sounds like it might not have anything to do with you so much as her illness).

kellya01

I don't have anything different to offer from the PP's, and I agree with many of them in how you can deal with it.  However, I did want to say that my grandmother had bi-polar disorder, and while it is really hard to get someone with personality disorder to "own" up to their problem, once that is done, they may actually realize what they've done to you.  (grandmother passed away November 2009).  

Oh, and thank you for spacing your OP out and using paragraphs... made your post much easier to read and I think that is why you got such GREAT well-thought-out responses from the PP's.  If only more folks would do that.. (okay, thread-jack done). 

jberg134

To me (Master's level Social Worker) FMIL's behavior seems to have its root in mental illness.  I don't think her tirades are ment to be personal against you.  FI needs to make his mother's doctor aware of her behavior and possibly look into having her committed if she is unwilling to seek treatment herself.  Additionally, FI could likely use some counseling and some family therapy could be benificial as well.

As for you-please try to understand that until her mental health needs are treated nothing is going to change, no matter how many times FI talks to her.  I would not be surprised if FMIL is feeling very anxious and scared that she is going to loose one of her only supports (FI).  I would advise you to seek some sessions with a counselor yourself to determine how you can protect your mental health and perhaps find some constructive ways of supporting FI in this challenge.

ETA:  My other piece of advice is to not rush into a wedding until you know if you can handle being a part of a family with these circumstances. 

Muffin'sMom

My own mother is not a well woman emotionally.  She insults, berates, has tirades, and completely is unable to see anyone's view of a situation but her own.  To add to the wonderfulness, she keeps a journal and writes down every instance in which someone has "wronged" her in some way.  She has those books going back to when I was 4, and that is a LONG time ago.

The hardest thing to accept is that you cannot change people, you can only change how you deal with them.  In this case, I would stay away.  Keep your contact with her as minimal as possible.  Go to counseling with your FI in order to find a way that you both can live with this situation.

It won't be easy.  My husband has put up with her disintegrating behavior for 30 years.  He is a SAINT.  He isn't mean and doesn't ever talk trash about her.  He listens to me cry and comforts me when she is hurtful...and even at my age, it still does.  I keep the door open because she IS my mom and I am the saint of lost causes.

I feel for you...good luck!

Kristin789

>>Everytime he talks to her, on the phone or in person, she makes rude comments about me and it usually ends with a fight.

How do you know what she says to him on the phone?
If FI is hearing this and then telling you all about it when he hangs up, he needs to stop doing that immediately.
He can take her call in the other room with the door shut, and tell her that he won't tolerate that kind of talk, and then when he comes back, he says to you, "My mom is a difficult person, but I want you to know that I won't tolerate her saying anything disrespectful about you or about us.'  Period.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-fmil-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44872ba8-f5e6-4db6-9af9-66ee4f646e2ePost:65b004cb-0620-4a3e-8d04-d7fa107fe3bb">Re: I need advice about FMIL! Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]She turned my FBIL against me(not long after we first started dating) and now he treats me the same way. He will come over and not even speak to me, just pretend I'm not even there. He refuses to get to know me. FBIL is getting married in May and I will more than likely not even be invited to the wedding. He talks bad about me to FFIL and his wife(who lives in South Carolina).
Posted by LiveyLoo[/QUOTE]
Why do you take this?  Why do you accept this behavior in your home?  Why is he allowed to come over and be disrespectful towards you like that?  Why aren't you and your FI taking a stand over that?   And not being invited to your FBIL's wedding is a huge slap in the face - assuming that truly does happen, how are you and FI planning on responding?

LiveyLoo

First off, I want to thank everyone for being so nice about this situation. I have been debating about posting for a few days because I was unsure of the response I would get and scared people would call me crazy for putting up with it.
@Kristen789-I don't hear every conversation but when he is on the phone and in the same room I can hear her screaming at him and make out what she is saying.

@Viczaesar-His brother has only been over a few times because he will usually refuse to be here if I'm here. FI only puts up with it because he doesn't see him very often. He never noticed it himself, mostly because FBIL would come over when we would have get togethers with friends and so much would be going on.

FI is suppose to be in FBIL's wedding but he said if I'm not invited he isn't going.

@jberg134-We have discussed going to couseling for this so I know he is willing. I feel it would be beneficial to us. Especially to him because he has dealt with this his entire life. He has constant feelings of guilt over everything he does(not just with his mother).

I do worry about her "going off the deep end". She is a school bus driver for special needs children and I worry she might just snap one day while driving. She has even made comments to FI about how she is fearful of the children on the bus and resfuses to speak to them or have anything to do with them(most are disabled in some way).

I didn't know that you could have a person commited, I thought they had to go willingly unless it was a breakdown of some kind. She definitely needs help but refuses to get it herself because she thinks everyone else is crazy.

specialk84

We are in a similar sort of situation.  My FMIL is very obviously mentally ill, and a lot of her problems stem from drug abuse, both prescription and illegal. 

FI makes an effort to be polite to her.  They were estranged for a number of years after she kicked him out on his own when he was a junior in high school.  Her (married) boyfriend thought FI was a brat.  She made a suicide attempt (FI found her and rushed her to the hospital), then told him he had to leave.

FMIL shows up at our house unannounced and uninvited, then throws a hissy fit when I tell her it's not a good time.  The last time I told her it wasn't a good time, she got pissed and rammed our recycle bins with her car.  She also talks trash about my family and me behind my back, then denies it all and acts like we're best friends.

FI does try to keep her in check.  He has repeatedly suggested she get help for her mental issues, as has FSIL.  She says her doctor told her nothing is wrong.  Her doctor happens to be the kind of guy I fully expect to see on the evening news one night: pill pusher, fraud, etc.  We've tried talking to him, but he is unwilling to lose a customer.

The biggest problem in our relationship is FMIL, hands down.  We are getting counseling to learn ways to cope with her.  The biggest problem is no one wants to call her out on her shiit because everyone is afraid she'll make another suicide attempt.  That, or she'll get in her car while angry and cause a fatal accident. 

I agree with PP that your FI needs to stick up for you.  I also agree with them that until she gets help, you need to understand it won't get much better.  I strongly suggest counseling. 

AutumnFair

OP, yes, you definitely can commit people though it does take some steps. I recommend contacting your local NAMI office, specially if she threatens with suicide. People who have mental illinesses don't or can't realize they need help that's why there are ways out there to commit them so they can try to get help. Good luck to you.

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-fmil-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44872ba8-f5e6-4db6-9af9-66ee4f646e2ePost:43cdf925-c4af-45b3-a0e8-847d0a6d3801">Re: I need advice about FMIL! Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Your FI really needs to nip this in the bud by explaining to his mother that he will not stand for her treating his future wife this way. If he won't... then you have bigger problems. If he's old enough to get married, he's old enough to stand up to his mom.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

This.

joiner521

That FMIL can kick rocks. She is miserable. She needs to get a vibrator. Thank goodness you are not marrying her. You and your man tried and that is all that matters. Give her time, she will come around. She is not in control and she does not like it,

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-fmil-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44872ba8-f5e6-4db6-9af9-66ee4f646e2ePost:96f0cfd7-d76e-4f1e-8836-bb7d0090e721">Re: I need advice about FMIL! Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]First off, I want to thank everyone for being so nice about this situation. I have been debating about posting for a few days because I was unsure of the response I would get and scared people would call me crazy for putting up with it. @Kristen789-I don't hear every conversation but when he is on the phone and in the same room I can hear her screaming at him and make out what she is saying. @Viczaesar-His brother has only been over a few times because he will usually refuse to be here if I'm here. FI only puts up with it because he doesn't see him very often. He never noticed it himself, mostly because FBIL would come over when we would have get togethers with friends and so much would be going on. FI is suppose to be in FBIL's wedding but he said if I'm not invited he isn't going. @jberg134-We have discussed going to couseling for this so I know he is willing. I feel it would be beneficial to us. Especially to him because he has dealt with this his entire life. He has constant feelings of guilt over everything he does(not just with his mother). I do worry about her "going off the deep end". She is a school bus driver for special needs children and I worry she might just snap one day while driving. She has even made comments to FI about how she is fearful of the children on the bus and resfuses to speak to them or have anything to do with them(most are disabled in some way). <strong>I didn't know that you could have a person commited, I thought they had to go willingly unless it was a breakdown of some kind. She definitely needs help but refuses to get it herself because she thinks everyone else is crazy.</strong>
Posted by LiveyLoo[/QUOTE]
If she's made threats of suicide, that's generally plenty.  Your FI should speak to a mental health care professional about his options.

jberg134

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-fmil-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44872ba8-f5e6-4db6-9af9-66ee4f646e2ePost:96f0cfd7-d76e-4f1e-8836-bb7d0090e721">Re: I need advice about FMIL! Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]First off, I want to thank everyone for being so nice about this situation. I have been debating about posting for a few days because I was unsure of the response I would get and scared people would call me crazy for putting up with it. @Kristen789-I don't hear every conversation but when he is on the phone and in the same room I can hear her screaming at him and make out what she is saying. @Viczaesar-His brother has only been over a few times because he will usually refuse to be here if I'm here. FI only puts up with it because he doesn't see him very often. He never noticed it himself, mostly because FBIL would come over when we would have get togethers with friends and so much would be going on. FI is suppose to be in FBIL's wedding but he said if I'm not invited he isn't going. @jberg134-We have discussed going to couseling for this so I know he is willing. I feel it would be beneficial to us. Especially to him because he has dealt with this his entire life. He has constant feelings of guilt over everything he does(not just with his mother). I do worry about her "going off the deep end". She is a school bus driver for special needs children and I worry she might just snap one day while driving. She has even made comments to FI about how she is fearful of the children on the bus and resfuses to speak to them or have anything to do with them(most are disabled in some way).<strong> I didn't know that you could have a person commited, I thought they had to go willingly unless it was a breakdown of some kind. She definitely needs help but refuses to get it herself because she thinks everyone else is crazy.
</strong>Posted by LiveyLoo[/QUOTE]

How you go about it depends on the laws in your state.  In my state you need to have proof that they are a danger to themselves or others, or not mentally competent to make their own decisions.  So, the danger to self could be utilized with the suicide threats, especially if more than one person calls the cops at that time.  In Milwaukee County the cops would take the person to the County Mental Health Center where the person would be evaluated and possibly held for up to 72 hours.  This could lead to further treatment recommendations.

I'm glad to hear your FI is willing to go to consuling!  Do IT!!!!

Take care!

SirJuliusVonHaast

Just a thought about FBIL: Not that it makes his behavior acceptable, but it's definitely possible that FMIL has told him terrible lies about you, and that is why he acts this way. Is there any chance that you or FI could ask him flat out what he has a problem with, so you have a chance to counter whatever she said? This is just a side note because I agree with everything PP have said. 

BarbourWales04

The only one who can nip this situation in the bud is your FI. He's the only one she'll listen to--- and unless your FI is dependent on her financially there's not much she can do about this situation, no matter how miserable she tries to make the two of you. She does sound unstable, and she also sounds like she's throwing hissy fits-- that can be a dangerous combo. In the final analysis, though, your FI  is the only one who can "fix this".

I know you feel somewhat helpless- but the fact is, this might not even be about you. Weddings make people absolutely nuts, and it could be that she's having a hard time letting go of your FI, esp. if she has already existing mental problems. The best thing you can do is just support him- not her, necessarily, but him.

Good luck- keep us posted!