Baby mama drama...

nysestrieg

I LOATHE my fiance's brother's girlfriend--we call her Voldemort. She's crude, uneducated, constantly causing drama in the family...and the mother to my now 4 month old nephew.

My FI's mother CATERS to Voldemort's every whim because Voldemort is 100 percent crazy and we're not convinced she won't do something to harm the child just bring attention to herself. The MIL says she doesn't approve of V or her crazy actions...but holds V accountible for NOTHING.

Our wedding isn't until June, but Voldemort is very upset that I'm engaged...and she is not. In fact, when my fiance proposed, she told the entire extended family that we only did so to "steal her thunder" as she was pregnant. Riiiiiiight.

My FMIL is so concerned that we'll do something to upset Voldemort and she won't attend the wedding...and the FMIL told me the other day that my FI's brother (who is Best Man) is the SECOND most important person at the wedding, besides my FI...wtf?!?

I'm not a bridezilla by any means, and I certainly don't need to be the center of attention. But how do I deal with this circus?? The girlfriend bad-mouthing us to family members I've never met, and a FMIL who defends her actions because she wants to be in her grandson's life?!? How do I subtly let my FMIL know that our wedding is about me and her oldest son...not her disgusting son and skank-a-rella girlfriend...

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_baby-mama-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44884052-0697-4c0f-970a-460d3d6af48fPost:bd6366ce-947c-4f5d-8ff0-f20f20c0e150">Baby mama drama...</a>:
[QUOTE]I LOATHE my fiance's brother's girlfriend--we call her Voldemort. She's crude, uneducated, constantly causing drama in the family...and the mother to my now 4 month old nephew. My FI's mother CATERS to Voldemort's every whim because Voldemort is 100 percent crazy and we're not convinced she won't do something to harm the child just bring attention to herself. The MIL says she doesn't approve of V or her crazy actions...but holds V accountible for NOTHING. Our wedding isn't until June, but Voldemort is very upset that I'm engaged...and she is not. In fact, when my fiance proposed, she told the entire extended family that we only did so to "steal her thunder" as she was pregnant. Riiiiiiight. My FMIL is so concerned that we'll do something to upset Voldemort and she won't attend the wedding...and the FMIL told me the other day that my FI's brother (who is Best Man) is the SECOND most important person at the wedding, besides my FI...wtf?!? I'm not a bridezilla by any means, and I certainly don't need to be the center of attention. But how do I deal with this circus?? The girlfriend bad-mouthing us to family members I've never met, and a FMIL who defends her actions because she wants to be in her grandson's life?!? How do I subtly let my FMIL know that our wedding is about me and her oldest son...not her disgusting son and skank-a-rella girlfriend...
Posted by nysestrieg[/QUOTE]

Seriously I wouldn't involve them in any of the wedding planning, or anything related to the wedding.  That family sounds crazy, and I hope your FI is worth a life of crazy drama. 

AutumnFair

This is not your problem, this is your FI's job to deal with anyone on his side. I would stay as FAR away from them as possible and do NOT talk about your wedding unless they bring it up. Why? Because every time you bring wedding stuff up, she is going to want attention and do crazy stuff to get it.

Your FMIL is trying to stay on the good side of V because you guessed it, her grandchild is being used as leverage. I have had this same experience in my family and you just have to suck it up and pick your battles with this BSC girlfriend. So basically all you can do is to ignore her behavior and move on.

I don't know what bad mouthing she has done, but this is your FI job to clear anything that is being said about you two to his other family members. I'm sure they already know how BSC she is and probably don't take her word seriously. As for his mother, it's up to your FI to tell his mom that he does not appreicate the lies being told to other family members by V, but other than that you have to understand that your FMIL is not in a winning situation right now and your not going to win anything by making her choose between your FI/you vs his brother/V/grandchild.

Yes, this is your wedding so enjoy it, don't let V's negative attention seeking nature ruin it for you. 

Also is there more to this story besides V lying to family and FMIL not putting a stop to it?

Love is Bald

you wont be able to stop Voldemort from spreading these lies about you, so when you actually meet these people she is trash talking you to, kill them with kindness.  That is the best revenge.

SeptemberFall2011

First instinct-kick her in the mouth...Second instinct-LIB is right.  The best revenge is to kill her and everyone else with kindness...

If she does try to ruin your day-She will look like the horse's patootie and you will look like the mature regal bride you are everyday.

As for your MIL's comment about how her other son is the second most important-Bad move!!!  I understand it because as a mother she will always love her kids more than you and (should Voldemort become part of the family through marriage) Voldemort.  Do not take too much offense to this as it is true about your mother-she will always love you and your siblings more than your husband and other in-law children.

Just keep wedding planning to yourself and enjoy the planning time.  Eventually, your MIL will hit her limit and tell Voldemort off but let her get there on her own.  You can step in when you have your kids.

kellya01

this story is so crazy, it sounds like MUD.  If it's real... sorry, I don't have any different ideas than PP's.  good luck. 

nysestrieg

Ugh--it's THE most frustrating situation!! I wish it weren't real! My FI is so supportive, and he does all he can to talk to his parents...but what can we do? At the end of the day, as was already said, Voldemort has the grandson as leverage.

I agree 100 percent with not filling her in the wedding plans. In fact, at one point, my MIL called V to ask her to tell her boyfriend--our BEST MAN--to call my FI to discuss tuxes. Next thing I know, V is sending me nasty text messages about how she's "busy trying to raise my child...I don't have time to be in the middle of your wedding planning..." wha?!?! Seriously crazy.

Now when I'm forced to interact with her and she asks about the wedding, I ALWAYS change the subject. She's so unstable.

It's just reassuring to hear input and vent anonymously! Thanks ladies!

amber2123

Good luck

Summer2011Bride

Like PP's have said, let your FI deal with his family's drama and keep planning the wedding and not thinking about it. I think you'll be so busy on the actual day you won't know or even care if they are acting stupidly or childishly. Their actions will speak for themselves to all the other guests.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_baby-mama-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44884052-0697-4c0f-970a-460d3d6af48fPost:f5d55494-be3a-4ae4-a794-f46d28d43436">Re: Baby mama drama...</a>:
[QUOTE] In fact, at one point, my MIL called V to ask her to tell her boyfriend--our BEST MAN--to call my FI to discuss tuxes. Next thing I know, V is sending me nasty text messages about how she's "busy trying to raise my child...I don't have time to be in the middle of your wedding planning..." wha?!?! Seriously crazy. Posted by nysestrieg[/QUOTE]

Well, not to defend V but she has a point here. Why couldn't your MIL call her son directly to discuss tuxes? For that matter, why coudln't your FI call his brother -- your BEST MAN -- himself to discuss tuxes? Why is your MIL even involved in the tuxedo discussion?

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_baby-mama-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44884052-0697-4c0f-970a-460d3d6af48fPost:2f0c24a9-40f7-42d9-8fec-0b17f73bf447">Re: Baby mama drama...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby mama drama... : Well, not to defend V but she has a point here. Why couldn't your MIL call her son directly to discuss tuxes? For that matter, why coudln't your FI call his brother -- your BEST MAN -- himself to discuss tuxes? Why is your MIL even involved in the tuxedo discussion?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

It doesn't sound like OP asked FMIL to call V to talk to BMabout tuxes (did I get that right?). It sounds like FMIL took that upon herself and if that's the case, V had no right to freak out on OP.

OP - All I can say is let FI handle crazy family and avoid any wedding discussion with them unless it involves BM directly.

goetzr19

Sounds like a crazy life ahead of you.  I think you've got the right idea with changing the subject when V talks about wedding.  I would also have FI tell FMIL that if anything wedding related needs to be discussed, she should just contact him directly.  Take it day by day, situation by situation.

Question: Are you including your nephew in the wedding at all?

NOLAbridealmost

Voldemort....hehehe.  

That's funny.

If I were you the minute after the I do's I'd move to Timbuktu with your husband. That family seems NUTS. 

nysestrieg

GOETZR--actually, we're not inviting children to the wedding. Part of that decision was based on the fact that we were concerned she would use the baby as a way to get attention or cause drama. It's very likely she'll cause drama anyway, but at least now the baby won't be involved.

And MKRUPAR is correct, I would NEVER ask my FMIL to intervene in our wedding planning. She did say, after the dust settled, that she learned her lesson and will never contact  Voldemort to ask for help in ironing out wedding details.

Just a complete circus...

katheriner89

how dare you try to still that poor girls "thunder"
haha. that's so pathetic.

please don't let TRASH ruin your wedding day! stay strong.

GOOD LUCK!

Habs2Hart

Get knocked up before the wedding???  Say there's a bun in the oven and maybe your FMIL will suddenly realize that there are 2 important baby mamas?

In all seriousness, your sitch sounds like it sucks.    Sorry you have to deal with it.  If she makes a scene at your wedding, it will look bad on her, not you. 

Unfortunately you can't be in charge of other people's actions.  Best of luck!