Step-sister-in-law bridesmaid problem

Laura3086

Hello Ya'll,
'
Okay, I am feeling really bad about feeling this way, but I am regreting asking my step sister-in-law to stand up.  We aren't close at all.  We only speak at holidays, and when we do it is brief.  I asked her to stand up in order to keep the peace in my fiance's family and me.  I know that they probably would've been upset if I didn't think of having her stand-up.  If any of you brides out there had to ask someone to be in your wedding party to keep the peace would you do it too? Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't of asked her, but I don't want the start of my relationship with his family to begin on a sour note

SaraAndrew2010

Did you ask your step-SIL to be a BM already?  If you already asked her, you are stuck with her.  There is no way to suggest that she step down without ruining the relationship and probably causing all kind of family drama.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_step-sister-law-bridesmaid-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:44a123d6-db8d-41f6-a357-bea26b1e617ePost:278a7c1a-9ea2-46cf-bf3a-2f3ec60d18eb">Step-sister-in-law bridesmaid problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Ya'll, ' Okay, I am feeling really bad about feeling this way, but I am regreting asking my step sister-in-law to stand up.  We aren't close at all.  We only speak at holidays, and when we do it is brief.  I asked her to stand up in order to keep the peace in my fiance's family and me.  I know that they probably would've been upset if I didn't think of having her stand-up.  If any of you brides out there had to ask someone to be in your wedding party to keep the peace would you do it too? Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't of asked her, but I don't want the start of my relationship with his family to begin on a sour note
Posted by Laura3086[/QUOTE]

Just keep your expectations low.  As long as she gets a dress and smiles for pictures, you're golden.  Don't expect her to talk to you about wedding plans, go shopping with you, or attend any parties. 

barbie92

You already asked her  so you can't tell her she is no longer in the WP. Sorry.

calindi

Though this is typically bad etiquette, may I suggest deleting your original post (just click edit, then delete the text, since it won't let you delete all of an original post)?

There has been more than one bride caught talking about their family or fiance's family on TheKnot, and it causes more drama than it's worth.

And I agree with other posters - keep your expectations low, and you'll be fine.  If my guy's sisters wanted to stand up as bridesmaids and it would have caused an issue with future family relationships, then I'd do it to keep the peace.  Some things aren't worth it in the long run, and I firmly believe that's one of them.

Laura3086

Thanks you guys!


I was never thinking about booting her out of the WP, because that would be just completely horrible and mean.  I just wanted some verification from everyone so I can tell the people that want her out, that it's not proper etiquette to boot a bridesmaid.

aerinpegadrak

Have you tried working on the relationship with her?  You have plenty of time, and she's going to be around for life.  If you put some effort into getting to know her, perhaps it will make things less awkward.

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_step-sister-law-bridesmaid-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:44a123d6-db8d-41f6-a357-bea26b1e617ePost:f14593ac-d022-430b-9e86-aa30ee75fc82">Re: Step-sister-in-law bridesmaid problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you tried working on the relationship with her?  You have plenty of time, and she's going to be around for life.  If you put some effort into getting to know her, perhaps it will make things less awkward.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

This is great advice.