How do I break the bad news?

Tamikaw21

This is a long story that Im going to try to keep short and sweet...I REALLY need some advice...PLEASE HELP!!!

My best friend is my fiance, so I've decided NOT to have a maid of honor in my wedding. Instead a jr. bridesman (my daughter) and 2 bridesmaids (cousin & friend of 10years)....Today my ex bestfriend of 15 years ASSUMED that she was the maid of honor in my wedding. How do I break the news to her that not only is NOT my maid of honor, she's not even a bridesmaid????


About 5 years back, the ex-bff moved out of town and on one of her visits back home, we went out, she got drunk out of her mind, and we got into a fistfight, which led to her being arrested. I didnt press changes, I just cut her off. After a few months, she apologized and we became cordial again...But I've never rekindled those bff feelings for her again, which is why she isnt in the wedding....

Am I wrong?

P.S. I was the maid of honor in her wedding before all the drama happened...

em01092

What did you say when she brought it up?

If she assumed she was MOH and you never asked her or told her she was, then you're fine. When she mentions it again, just tell her you're sorry for any confusion, but you and your FI decided to have a small WP. If she gets upset, then it's fine to point out you never asked her and again you're sorry for the misunderstanding. 

And just because you were her MOH does not mean you have to ask her, so don't worry. 

Maggie0829

I wouldn't say anything to her.  She will eventually get the hint that she is not in the wedding.  You do not have to tell her that she isn't part of the wedding party and give her reasons why.  You do not have to justify your decisions to her either.

Wedding parties are not tit for tat.  Just because you were in her wedding does not mean that she has to be in yours.  Stick to your guns on your decision and move on.

MairePoppy

You don't have to explain your choices to her. If she brings it up, tell her that you have already chosen your wedding party, change the subject quickly.
How old is your daughter? You could maker her your MOH.

Tamikaw21

When she brought it up, she was kind of rambling on, so I really couldnt say anything about it at the moment....So I left it alone...

My daughter is 9. 

My FI said I cant base my decisions on making other people happy on OUR day....

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]My FI said I cant base my decisions on making other people happy on OUR day....
Posted by Tamikaw21[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Your FI sounds smart :)  Go with that.

</div>

frogger6673

I cannot get past how she assumed that she was in your WP let alone the MOH.  Usually aren't all roles ASKED?   Wow.  

Everyone is right, you are in the right on this there is no need for you to have her in you WP let alone MOH. 

If she brings it up, inform her that you already had you WP planned and leave it at that.  You owe her no explaination. 

kaitlyn&henry

it is extremely bad form for anyone to assume they are in the WP without being asked...its rude and you shouldnt feel bad about it all. Relationships change...its just part of their nature so just because you were in hers doesnt mean she has to be in yours.

Tamikaw21

The whole fight/wannabe MOH situation...

Since her mom told her about me getting married, she's been REAL interested in the wedding and the details. I feel us becoming a little bit more connected. Since I already have my bridesmaids, I offered her the position of my 'Day Of Coordinator' and she accepted!...Shes very excited, and honestly I am too...I felt kind of bad not including her. Im glad it worked itself out.

foreverurz23

I went through this too. Just tell her you feel like you two fell out and a bandage doesn't always heal a wound. You've already chose who in you wp and that's it.