Moms and Maids

Mother of the Groom throwing a bridal shower in her hometown...

My mother asked the mother of the groom if she wanted to cohost the bridal shower that my mom and sister are hosting with them, but the mother of the groom wanted to throw her own for me in her hometown because she didn't want people to have to carry gifts for me (the bridal shower my mom is throwing is the day before the wedding).

So she insisted on having it and couldn't wait to pick a date, so she is throwing it six months before the wedding, when we are there for Christmas.  We just found out she doesn't plan to ship them to us - should we have to pay shipping costs for gifts that were given to us at a bridal shower in another state (it's a 9 hour drive or two hour flight)?  She was the one who demanded to have it in her hometown with her friends (who I have never met).  There is no way we could bring everything back on the plane with us...

Also on that note, we thought about returning them all there and getting a gift card to the store and putting them back on the registry - but is that tacky?  I feel like it's a pain to have to go and return them and rebuy them ourselves...

Let me know your thoughts...

I should also include she demanded we add more gifts of a certain price point for her friends.  And because we already live together, we don't need many things, but we are having two bridal showers and a wedding of 300...(mostly our parent's friends).

Re: Mother of the Groom throwing a bridal shower in her hometown...

  • edited December 2011
    Wow that's a tough one. I would have your FI talk to her about asking people for gift cards or asking people to have the items mailed to you off the registry. Some stores have free shipping so this would not be an extra cost to the guest and then they could just print out  a picture of the present and placing it in a card. Your FI definitly needs to talk to her though.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • edited December 2011

    He needs to talk with his mom about shipping. My daughter had a shower with maybe 25 people and the pile of gifts was way more than you could take on a plane, not to mention that some were very fragile and odd sizes.  Six months out is really early, but if that is the only time you will be home before the wedding, then I guess you will have to go with that.  I'm not crazy about a shower the day before the wedding either...it's a lot to cram into one weekend...but I assume there is some reason why it is necessary.  Making sure you have things in the price range of your guests is not unreasonable.  I've seen too many registry lists with mostly really expensive stuff on them.  You have to keep in mind that showers were traditionally for smaller, less expensive things...kitchen utensils, towels, frames, etc...not big ticket items. 

    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    Actually, I feel your attitude is tacky.  Are you ratcheting things up a little with your accusations of "demanded" and "insisted"? 

    You should be appreciative that two showers are being planned for you.  If you didn't want them, you should have politely said "no thank you."    Stop whining and put your big girl pants on.

  • LarissaAnnLarissaAnn member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-throwing-bridal-shower-her-hometown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:46ef432b-f024-4862-84e8-e02cd9d3f0fePost:bb766157-f53c-4491-ab8d-1d547d898098">Re: Mother of the Groom throwing a bridal shower in her hometown...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually, I feel your attitude is tacky.  Are you ratcheting things up a little with your accusations of "demanded" and "insisted"?  You should be appreciative that two showers are being planned for you.  If you didn't want them, you should have politely said "no thank you."    Stop whining and put your big girl pants on.
    Posted by sudslover[/QUOTE]
    Seriously.
  • dianenjnjdianenjnj member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i agree that it's a nice thing for your fmil to do for you.

    maybe you'll just have to make the drive!
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]She was the one who demanded to have it in her hometown with her friends (who I have never met).  There is no way we could bring everything back on the plane with us...[/QUOTE]

    You could have said no thank you to the shower.

    Can you have the guest ship the gifts to your house & just write in the card what they got you. Maybe?


    [QUOTE] Also on that note, we thought about returning them all there and getting a gift card to the store and putting them back on the registry - but is that tacky?[/QUOTE]

    Yes

    [QUOTE] I should also include she demanded we add more gifts of a certain price point for her friends.  And because we already live together, we don't need many things, but we are having two bridal showers and a wedding of 300...(mostly our parent's friends).Posted by Jordana3185[/QUOTE]

    Again you could have declined. But having gifts at a price point they can buy is very reasonable.

    I think your FMIl is trying to be nice. You need to lighten up & just try to work with her.

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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If logistically/financially you couldn't get the gifts home you should've declined the shower.  Once gifts are given to the couple it is their resposibility to get the gifts to wherever they need to be, not the host's.

    Realistically, the best thing to do is drive out for the holiday and take them home with you in a car.  I would be pretty pissed if I were a guest at the shower and I found out that I took the time to purchase and perhaps wrap a gift that was returned for gift cards and added back to the registry for someone else to purchase.

    Also, ditto to everyone else about the gifts in different price points.  While it isn't her registry is a good idea to have lots of things in a range of prices for guests to choose from.
  • edited December 2011
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    When you accept the gift that your FMIL is giving you by throwing you the shower, you're also coming up with ways to get the gifts back.  That could mean driving them back or shipping them back.

    I don't think it's great to return the gifts to buy something new,  however if you'd just be buying the exact same item in your home area, I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you hold true to it.

    As far as your MIL telling you that you need to add more items of a certain price point - she's right.  Your registry should contain a wide variety of items in multiple price points.  To stack the registry with only expensive items is often viewed as in poor taste and it gets the guests complaining.

    Instead, be happy that you get this 2nd party and start adding items that you'll use.  DH and I were each on our own for three years before getting engaged and moving in together and we still found a ton of stuff to put on a registry.  It's just not that tough.

    In the grand scheme of things, I think you're displaying some pent up hostility to your FMIL and it doesn't sound like she's doing anything bad.  It's time to realize you'll be in that family for years so this isn't the battle to pick at all - you'll lose.
  • edited December 2011
    I am in a similar situation, but was not at all upset about it! I live in the same town as my FMIL and her and FI's sister threw a shower here, and my family through one at home when I was home for Christmas (three months before the wedding.  I just let people get what they wanted to get and my family or friends are going to bring down what I couldn't fit on the plane. 

    Is anyone from there driving to your wedding? If, so perhaps they can help bring things down.  If not, you and FI can take an extra suitcase or two (cheaper than shipping) or just make the drive.  Your FMIL sounds like she is excited and wants to do something nice! Don't stress about it and enjoy it!


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