Moms and Maids

Mom wants to come to bachelorette party...

Help!  It has recently come to my attention that my mom is expecting to come to my bachelorette party.  It will be out of town, and no other moms or other people her age will be attending that she could "hang out" with after dinner and the "mom-firendly" early part of the night.   I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but she isn't the type of mom that would fit in at a bachelorette party with my friends and I.  My sister is my maid of honor and is refusing to say anything to my mom about it because she doen't want to hurt mom's feelings AND my mom has now offered to pay for it, and this would take the financial burden off of my sister.  How do I gently tell my mom that I would rather not have her there???

Re: Mom wants to come to bachelorette party...

  • edited December 2011
    Hoo boy....I feel for you because I wouldn't want my mom at my b-party either. It would just be weird. But I have to say, if she is paying for it, then I think she has to come. You could try talking to her and saying what you told us about it only being your "girls", but if she is adament I can't see how you can tell her no when she is paying.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-come-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:47f5ac58-71f2-463b-b19e-9e47accde6aaPost:96abca4d-b875-468c-826c-1084748c134b">Mom wants to come to bachelorette party...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Help!  It has recently come to my attention that my mom is expecting to come to my bachelorette party.  It will be out of town, and no other moms or other people her age will be attending that she could "hang out" with after dinner and the "mom-firendly" early part of the night.   I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but she isn't the type of mom that would fit in at a bachelorette party with my friends and I.  My sister is my maid of honor and is refusing to say anything to my mom about it because she doen't want to hurt mom's feelings AND my mom has now offered to pay for it, and this would take the financial burden off of my sister.  How do I gently tell my mom that I would rather not have her there???
    Posted by jenylin1010[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I never get why mom's want to attend bachelorette parties, seems so weird to me.</div><div>
    </div><div>Your sister is technically the hostess and she needs to direct your wishes to your mom. Obviously your mom is trying to pull her wallet out for some power to come. But you have to stick to your guns and tell her no, she might be hurt but she needs to understand that bachelorette parties are more the Bride's peers for one last hoorah. If you want to compromise and let her come to dinner that would be nice but you definitely don't have to. </div><div>
    </div><div>So basically, tell your mom the truth, that you love her but you would be uncomfortable if she came to the bachelorette party and you just want it to be your close friends and family peers. 

    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, I don't get it either.

    I would just politely explain to her that the bachelorette party is something that your BM's throw for you (the bride) and the MOB and FMIL don't usually attend.

    We didn't do much for mine, just went out bar hopping. But there was no way in hell I would have let my Mom tag along. She just isn't that type of lady, and besides she would have embarrassed the crap out of me.
  • bdawnbbdawnb member
    Tenth Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    MOB here.  Please tell her.  My daughter is my only child and we were very close and it is KILLING me letting her go but I am doing my best not to let that show anymore than she already knows.    I want to go to everything, be everywhere, but I know I can't.  She is an adult and I am treating her like one.  We are paying for most of their wedding, but I am letting her make the decisions.  I can, of course, attend showers, but the bachelorette party is not somewhere I'd intrude.  I think a lot of fathers go to the bachelor parties (which I think is odd) maybe that is why she thinks it's appropriate. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Another MOB here.  I have never understood why a parent would want to attend a bachelorette party.  I adore my daughter.  MANY of her friends and BM's have been friends since high school and a few, junior high school.  I consider most of them to be second daughters.  None of this changes my mind.  They are daughters to me, not friends.  In my opinion, this is one party that should be FRIENDS ONLY!!

    That said, your sister needs to explain to mom the purpose of the party.  The party is meant to celebrate the "light at the end of the tunnel" portion of the wedding program.  It should be drama free.  It should be relaxing and carefree.  Tight relationship or not...a parent in attendance restricts those purposes.

    Perhaps you could suggest a mom-bride-sister breakfast kick-off prior to your leaving for the week-end.  Or the three of you could have a "welcome back-tell me all about it" lunch or dinner when you return.

    Good luck.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Another MOB, here. I don't expect or want to be invited to my daughter's bp, if she has one. It's a night out for her and her friends, whether it's a bar crawl, complete with strippers or a movie and pizza night. It's just not a mom's place to be there.

    Your sister is the hostess and should be planning the party to suit her budget. She should not accept mom's offer to pay for anything connected with the bp. So if you have to scale back your plans a bit, do it.

    You should tell your mom that the bp isn't mom friendly. Tell her you would like to spend some time with her alone, on a different day. You could treat her to a spa day or some other activity that the two of you enjoy together.


                       
  • edited December 2011
    both my mother step mother and MIL understand and will not be attending the bachelorette party....However, we are all going out the day of. my entire wedding party and my mom and step mom are going out and doing a mani pedi day and then dinner. and then us girls will adventure out on the BP....i do not understand why mothers would want to go. i am close with both my moms. and they could definately hang with us. but i dont want them over my head all night either. i want to have fun and enjoy it with my FRIENDS.....and the people that i don't get to enjoy time with all the time.  
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  • edited December 2011

    I'm going to be that annoying poster who voices something completely different.....

    My mom is pretty conservative, doesn't drink much, but also keeps a pretty open mind.  She knows I like my cocktails, booty music and skanky dancing...and i openly invited her to my bach party.  She enjoyed dinner, talking to my friends, and hangingout for the first part of the night.  She people watched for the majority of the evening once we headed to the bars, and she all in all had a great time.

    i think if your mom can let you be yourself, won't judge for your drunken debacled behavior, and won't be bored, it won't be so bad.

    but if you  just simply can't fathom saying yes, i don't know of a way to let her down lightly. 

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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm guessing that you're like me, from what you've said, and are having a "mom friendly" portion at the bginning of the evening, so as to include her? That's what it sounded like anyway. And then after that going on to a non-Mom Friendly portion, but she still wants to come to that part?

    You're already including her with the mom friendly dinner, and she should understand that after that it's time for you and your friends to cut loose and behave in ways that you wouldn't want your mother to know. Can you have an open and honest conversation with your mom in which you tell her that?

    Personally, I think it's messed up of your sister to make you uncomfortable just to save some money, not to mention dodging the bullet on telling your mom to back off... but maybe that's just me.
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  • eviltwin13eviltwin13 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I've only attended one true bachelorette party. We started off at the MOB's apartment for champagne, then she sent us off to have a fun "girls' night out".

    My other friends had "days out" in which the MOB and MOG were in attendance. Two friends did spa + lunch type events, which worked out well. I will probably be doing the same. Don't think my FI's mom will want to attend, but she'll be invited. My mom will definitely want to be there.
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I too think it's rather odd that she wants to go to your bach party.

    Anyway, I think a good compromise would be to go out to lunch or something before the party so she feels like she's a part of that day. How to bring that up exactly.......I have no idea.
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  • ekelly83ekelly83 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My mom came to my bachelorette party and she had a great time! She went to dinner with all of us, she had some drinks, she went to the comedy show, and had a blast! (My aunt, mom's sister came too!). Both my mom and my aunt left after the comedy show, when the dancing and the heavy drinking started She had fun and I wouldn't have had her miss it.
    No, my mom and I have never been super close, but I invited her and she came! I really enjoyed having her there!
  • edited December 2011
    You have to sit down and talk with her...with love and respect.  Explain your process.  Offer another time for her to be with you.  You need to be ble to deal with her like an adult, not a child!
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