Friend/Bridesmaid Issue...WWYD

AR113

So I have had my brides maids picked for  a few months and didnt include on of my best friends.  I was talking to her about they wedding (she brought it up) and said since I'm one of your bridesmaids...in the convo.  How do I tell her that she isnt one....but it gets more complicated, she was the one to introduce me and my fiancée.  So..how would you handle this situation?

mehgan11

Then add her in your weddings pretty far away if you want her in the wedding ask her if not then dont say im sorry I have my wedding party decided but i hope you would like to celebrate with us as a guest,

vicki0508

How long has it been since you've had this conversation with her?  The longer she's thinking she is a BM the worse it gets to tell her that she isn't.  You should've corrected her immediately.  By not correcting her, you further insinuated that she is a BM.

And I agree with Retread, you shouldn't have selected your WP this early.  Relationships change.

McKenna2012

I'm curious why you didn't pick one of your best friends.

sarah42nd

I agree with Retread.

[Deleted User]

I am also curious why you don't have your best friend in mind to be a BM. And I also agree with Retread. Save yourself some stress and don't ask anyone until you are about 6-9 months out from your wedding.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friendbridesmaid-issuewwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:49f92526-e16e-40b2-b08b-42beef3b1008Post:d7c8b45d-1731-4cca-807e-dd92312a9c39">Friend/Bridesmaid Issue...WWYD</a>:
[QUOTE]So I have had my brides maids picked for  a few months and didnt include on of my best friends.  I was talking to her about they wedding (she brought it up) and said since I'm one of your bridesmaids...in the convo.  How do I tell her that she isnt one....but it gets more complicated, she was the one to introduce me and my fiancée.  So..how would you handle this situation?
Posted by AR113[/QUOTE]

GoodLuckBear14

Everything already said:
1. You picked a WP waaayyy too soon, if you've asked anyone yet
2. You shouldn't let her think she's a BM and should have corrected her immediately or said no decisiions have been made
3. Why in the world wouldn't the best friend who introduced you to your FI be a BM?

Muffin'sMom

There is clearly more going on here than what you have written. 

ekutlus

Psh, I didn't even tell one of my former best friends I was getting married until last month just to avoid the whole BM/MOH thing. Her and I were super close when we were younger, but kind of drifted apart.

AR113

Thanks for all the advice but for the record i picked my WP already because they are my family except for 2 who are my closest childhood friend, and my other bff who I have made it clear too that relationships do change and if we do drift apart that things will probably change, and luckily for me she is very understanding, I highly doubt that will happen since we do work together and she is helping run my business part time.  My wedding isnt until November 2012 pending, becasue my future sister in law wants to be married the same time so at the moment its pending until she decides what she wants to do, the only reason I am giving her first choice is because she and her future husband have been together for about 8 years longer than me and mine.  Theyve been together 11 years and weve been together for 3. Also we decided to start planning now so I can have idea's and know what I want and have everything planned and ready to go so when the wedding is a year out or even 6 months out it will be easier and i wont have to be too chaotic as it gets closer, the reason I am doing this is because being the MOH in my sister's wedding we planned it in 4 months and it was a beautiful wedding but at the same time the biggest headache.  We want to be able to pull it together quickly just in case, as in my FH's grandfather wants to be there for our wedding and he keeps telling us he doesnt know how much time he has left(which in some cases we cant tell wheater he is just messing with us or not) so as of right now November 2012 is a tentative date.  I have had to explain that to a lot of people so sorry if i sound a little stand offish, not my intention.

The reason I didnt/dont want to pick her even though she is my bestfriend and introduced us, is because she is a drama queen, always has drama wheather its with her mom or boyfriend of the week.  She is recovering drug addict and alcoholic and she is bipolar and always makes everything about her.  I just for once want the day to be about me and not have to deal with one of her outbreak/emotional issues right before the wedding or after, she has this tendency to start just bawling in the middle of anything a store, a song, or walking down the street.  She is my bestfriend, but its way too hard to keep her around that often. We do talk everyday though.  She and I have been through a lot together but if you knew her you would understand.  I didnt tell her she was a BM and it is my fault for letting her go on thinking she will be.  I do want her in the wedding some how but I dont want her to have the position as a BM because as much fun as she is when she 'feeling good' or if its a 'good day' it only takes her about 30 seconds to turn a 'good day' into a drama filled day. 

LindsayE+T

It's your wedding. The wedding party is you and your FI's decision.  Pick who you want, when you want. If you are concerned about someone participating in the wedding party, don't ask them! 

I do agree that you should probably correct her misconception sooner rather than later.

Good luck!!!

AR113

Ok once again she is bi polar and I am not penalizing her for anything.  I work with people with disabilites and know what its like.  I know she cant control them but its a totally different story when she refuses to take the medication.  She knows that she has too but wont.  You Retread dont know her and dont have to be around her.  She does freak out over little things like that because she has this thought in her head that if she isnt happy no one else can be.

Lindsay Thank you for your support, so far you have given some of the best advice I can get.