Moms and Maids

Anyone else just can't stand when... spend hours upon hours researching and planning your wedding (not to mention all the money, and that its YOUR wedding) and then your maids and fmil butt in and give you unwanted advice and expect the world from you in return?

Re: Anyone else just can't stand when...

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    Sorry, feel free to ignore this rant, I'm just beyond frustrated and misery loves company
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    Yes! I think my mother wants to basically recreate her friend's daughter's wedding with all her suggestions. Oh, you're not doing air brushing? They did it at Mary's wedding. Are you going to do a candy bar like Mary? That was really nice. You're not going to have a rehearsal dinner? You need to have a rehearsal dinner. You know, the mother of the bride gets to pick her dress before the mother of the groom? You really should do a favor in addition to the photobooth.

    Ugh! My MUA said I do not need air brushing and my makeup looked amazing after the trial. I am not really into candy and there will be plenty of sweets between the wedding cake and extra dessert provided by my venue. We don't need a rehearsal dinner because we are not having a rehearsal. I don't care who wears what dress, and favors are thrown out about 90% of the time.
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    That's hilarious, Retread! No is a very difficult word for me, and this has been my wedding planning downfall.

    Sometimes I feel jealous of the ladies that come on the board saying, "My mom/MIL/bridesmaids are not interested in my wedding." I'm like, trade with me, please, but deep down I realize that either end of the spectrum (disinterested family/friends or overly involved friends/family) can be frustrating.
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    Thank you for empowering me to say no! I really needed it!
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    In Response to <a href="">Re: Anyone else just can't stand when...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand.  I came from the generation of women whose mothers insisted it was mean and ugly to say no, and you were a bad person if you did.  You were supposed to be quiet and sweet, so everyone could see what a nice person you were.  Nobody would want to be mean to you. We all know what crap that is......bullies know how to roll right over any excuse you make. I read a book called "The Power of No" several years ago, and it was a real eye-opener.  I came across it entirely by accident, because I review books for Amazon, and they sent me an advance copy. If you can't say no, try, "I'm sorry, but that isn't possible for me at this time."  Just repeat as possible. Don't balk at saying, "I've said I can't do this, but you keep pressuring me.  Why do you keep trying to force me into something I've already told you I'm not comfortable with?"  Nobody can take advantage of you without your consent. You aren't being mean or ugly....the person who is trying to force you into something is. Work up to saying NO.  You have no idea how much it will free you. I finally quit trying to be a pleaser 20 years ago (I'm 49) because I realized I WASN'T making friends, or being that nice person.  I was just being USED, over and over again. Will you be unpopular with some folks? Yeah, but use what I do to remind myself:  WHY WORRY ABOUT THE OPINIONS OF PEOPLE YOU PROBABLY DO NOT LIKE ANYWAY??? Come right out and tell some of those folks they are hurting your feelings. Don't let them ruin your wedding. "I'm glad you enjoyed Mary's wedding.  I hope you'll enjoy AndreaJulia's as much." That's not rude, is it?  I bet it will shut them up just the same!
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    </div><div>I LOVE this! This was eye-opening. </div>
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    I agree it's frustrating. And, people have an opinion about everything.
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    Be thankful!!! I'm having a hard time getting anyone interested in my wedding!! My own mom even told me she's not coming just because she doesn't want to
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    I was preparing myself all along for the never ending "oh, you should...(blahblahblah)" conversations with friends and family.  It's gone next level this past week.  I have tried to be as vague and indecisive as possible lately when entering conversations regarding our wedding plans.

    I don't know if it's a jealousy thing or people just being negative in general, but I feel like there are some who are trying to make me feel bad about my wedding on purpose.

    "Oh.  You're going to have a big wedding?  Don't do that, you should have a small wedding.  You can't afford it.  Weddings cost too much." get the point.  Some of the things that have been discussed are really personal and so hurtful.  NOT ONCE have I heard anything nice from this group of bullies. 

    It's true, my FI and I don't have a ton of money and we aren't getting help from our families.  We have it covered though.  Both of us have picked up side jobs and extra work.  We have a moderate budget and lots of friends/co workers/family member who have offered their services to help with what they can.

    I've noticed though, some things have been said before by these people when I bought my car last Spring.  "How can she afford a BMW...Disneyland season passes...San Diego Zoo season passes...moving to Orange County"  Ugh! 

     It's called I struggled for years making ends meet while putting myself through college.  There was a year I didn't even have a car because I couldn't afford it.  Of course it was all worth it in the end ;)  I passed the NCLEX, got a great job, and just decided it was time to enjoy my successes.  

    Haters,  lol.

    Sorry, that turned into a rant.
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