FSIL is on my last nerve!!!

tmwanyo

Ok so my FSIL is on my last nerve. Understand she is a high maintence and only expects that best and thinks everythnig has to be done to her standards.

She is in her mid 20's and has her son that will be 2 in Spetmember, was married before and is divorced. Well her and her sons dad just got engaged the other day and are getting married on June 26th. Small thing at his house in NY and made she to tell me and my FH that we must be there. Well for me with my work schedule thats a little last minute to tell me that to make sure Im not on call that weekend (my weekend off but might be stuck with call time). So guess what if I not on call I will be there if I am tough luck Im not coming! And I will be leaving that Sunday right after not staying over into Monday like she wants everyone to.

Then today she sends me a message on facebook to make sure I have her address (did I not send a save the date? )and so the I word the invite right. Because he has to have Dr. in front of his name I quess Mr. just isnt good enough. And how to word it if sent before they get married and how to word if its sent after they are married. Really? Like I have nothing else to worry about but besides making sure it is addressed PERFECT for you. Cause Mr. and Mrs wouldnt be fine.... or Mr. and Ms... honestly I guess  the STD date wasnt prefect enough for her.

Then she sends me another messages how I NEED to book a salon so we can all get our hair,nails,and makeup done together the day of my wedding. No I am not booking a salon and I am going to who I always go to and the breidesmaids can go whereever they want to as well. I'd rather them be comfortable with who is doing their hair instead of some random person that has never done their hair before.
And she goes on and on in this message about how nice it would be for me for them all to be there so I can be relaxed. Honestly I'd rather be left alone then having someone askng me every two minutes if I am nervous or if I need anythng.

Oh and FH and I might go to DISNEY/ UNIVERSSAL again. Well she comments that it would be nice for us to visit them ( they live in Flordia) because we didnt visit last time we were there and we should have visited if we were in Flordia, plus shes never had family not want to visit them while they were in Florida....always about HER. Yes maybe we would like to visit....but after that comment I dont care if I do.
Its like she thinks she is so special all the time.

She is just getting on my nerves. She thinks she needs to be the center of everything I swear.

pegasuskat

I agree with pretty much everything you were just told. 

If you aren't even scheduled to work the weekend of her wedding, can't you at least try and ask to not be on call. I would want my brother and his FW to make an effort to be at my wedding too, that's not really asking a whole lot.

The addressing is rather important, somebody who is a Dr. would be offended if you didn't put it on their invite.  Sounds like you need to learn to take some help, its not always meant to be mean.

I live in a different state than most of my family too, and I would be offended if they came and didn't even make an attempt to see me while they were here.  Maybe not on your honeymoon, but you said you didn't on a previous trip either. 

Honestly, you need to step back and read what you wrote, if you want to be in this family you need to try a lot harder to make it work.

AutumnFair

Ditto to both posters. They pretty much cover my thoughts as well, on this situation. I'm sure you will respond that we don't know everything else about her personality and your right we don't, but just a reminder, what people respond to is what you write and the current situation you wrote warrants no real wrong doing of your FSIL. So take note of the advice given, like the others said, you will be connected to this person for a long time. 

hlq2011

Cfas is way more willing to put effort in than I am, so I'll just tell you to listen to her.  But in summary:

She wants her brother and his FI at her wedding.  I don't blame her.
She wants her FI addressed as doctor, because he earned the title. She's right.  That's etiquette.  It's a matter of respect.
Beyond that, she gave you some suggestions and was hurt that she didn't get to see you when you visited.  Being someone who lives far from my family, if my brother and is FI were in our area and didn't come by, I'd be hurt too.

This is your FSIL.  You and she are going to be family for a long time to come.  I suggest you decide here and now whether it's worth damaging that relationship just because she can be a little trying.

Sonita12

I think you need to relax and reasses why you are actually upset with your FSIL. Nothing in the post is reason to get upset and nothing in your post indicated that "she thinks she is so special all the time." Maybe there is something else about her you resent that I'm just not seeing? Because from the sound of it you are being a bit judgemental.

DNAtime

This sounds like you are taking this all wrong.  Are you jealous? Just dont like her? Cause it shows, big time. 

Re- read PPs.

ETA: I got it. You think she wants it to be all about her, because in reality you really want things to be all about you.

Sonita12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-last-nerve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4bf2c1c2-0995-4b9a-a8d5-2e38f92eea4bPost:eee68169-a225-4bb7-abb4-ac737316b296">Re: FSIL is on my last nerve!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]This sounds like you are taking this all wrong.  <strong>Are you jealous?</strong> Just dont like her? Cause it shows, big time.  Re- read PPs. ETA: I<strong> got it. You think she wants it to be all about her, because in reality you really want things to be all about you.
</strong>Posted by DNAtime[/QUOTE]

This is what I really wanted to say, but didn't want to really put that out there. Frankly, yes, it does sound like you're jealous of her and that's why you're upset.

Get over it.

aerinpegadrak

Ditto the others.  And I do think it's kind of douchey to come to town and not even make an attempt to see people who live there, especially family.  I currently live smack-dab between Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm, and I can tell you that if one of my siblings was coming for a vacation and didn't even call to try to set up dinner or drinks or whatnot, yeah, I'd be pretty livid.  But it's a moot point, because none of them would ever dream of doing something like that.  If you get within about 100 miles of an immediate family member you don't normally live near, you stop by and say hi.  I don't know why that would even be a question.

MairePoppy

I'm with all the pps. What are you so upset about?
Your fsil let you know how to address their invitation and future correspondence.
She informed you of wedding plans as soon as they were firmed up, because she really wants you and her brother to be there.
She invited you to visit her the next time you are in Florida.
How is that so horrible? It sounds like she is being courteous.

You could let your fsil know that everyone is going to their own hair stylists for your wedding, that you don't want a group appointment. But geesh, since she is not from your area, it would be really considerate of you to invite her to get her hair done with you. Or at least, get some recommendations for her.

vicki0508

I totally agree with you OP.  How DARE your FSIL try and be involved in your life, and try to keep you involved in hers!  She wants to spend time with you at your wedding, wants you to come to hers, and wants you to come VISIT her?!?  What a B.

jilld82

I personally think you have it out for your fsil.  It seems to me that she really just wants you to be at her wedding.  I can't blame her.  You guys are going to be family for a long time so maybe it is you who has to put her petty differences aside and be an adult.

jilld82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-last-nerve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4bf2c1c2-0995-4b9a-a8d5-2e38f92eea4bPost:9a589058-e20d-4ddd-a38a-6ca1d16e7572">Re: FSIL is on my last nerve!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]It drives me nuts when people type out the huge, ranting threads and then never respond to people's responses. I don't know why I even bother sometimes. Sigh.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

I agree!

DNAtime

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-last-nerve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4bf2c1c2-0995-4b9a-a8d5-2e38f92eea4bPost:9a589058-e20d-4ddd-a38a-6ca1d16e7572">Re: FSIL is on my last nerve!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]It drives me nuts when people type out the huge, ranting threads and then never respond to people's responses. I don't know why I even bother sometimes. Sigh.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

And you did a lot of work sifting through that whole post. If it weren't for you bolding I would haven't been able to keep up. 

jemmini6

Validation seeking posters almost never come back when literally every.single.person. disagrees.  LOL. 

lisarose7

I'm kind of wondering why she felt it was necessary to mention that FSIL is divorced, has a 2-year-old, and that her son's father is her FI and not her ex-H.  Sounds to me like she's a little judgy...especially since none of these things relate to anything else in the post.

I'm agreeing with the ppl who said she's jealous.

Kniblet

You should always make sure that ANYONE that gets invites are addressed correctly.  It's rude not to do so.

Judging from your post, I would wager that if someone else addressed YOUR invite to a wedding wrong, you'd be upset.

jilld82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-last-nerve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4bf2c1c2-0995-4b9a-a8d5-2e38f92eea4bPost:183a27bf-b4e6-47d0-a836-6364de5dd9cb">Re: FSIL is on my last nerve!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]actually FH dosent care for his sister he thinks she is a spoiled snot (which for the times I have spent with her I hate to say it but she is only will  have the best no matter what the cost)  and could care less to see her. We love her guy (he is the most laid back person can care less about anything) and well how can't you love the little one but she can be hard to deal with.  and she did know about no transportation etc and still expected we come see her never asked just expected us to be there. 
Posted by tmwanyo[/QUOTE]

Petty little girl!

All I hear is a bunch of judgement on your end, and "I hate to say it" but you don't exactly sound like a prize.

tmwanyo

where on earth did my post go?
I wasn't online all day to respond for one thing.

If the wording was so important why didn't she make she to tell me the proper way before I even sent the STD? Now all of a sudden shes getting married and now she has to make sure I know how it needs to be addressed? Never mentioned at thing about it till she got engaged and going to be married in like 2months.
Also I work with doctors day in and day out. Not one of them can care if something is worded Dr. or just Mr.
I know he is very go with the flow and I'm sure it wasn't him caring how it is worded in the least it was her caring how it was worded. He never even mentions to people he has a PhD in physical therapy unless you have a full blown converation about education with him.

She never ASKS if we would like to visit. She expects us to just visit whenever when we went on vaca. The vaca was my paretns (a present for their 25th anniversary) FH and I. And also we didnt have a car we flew there and got Disney transportation from the airport etc.
Plus she expects it at the last minute that we will just come visit. If you asked us about coming to visit more then a day before the trip we could have worked something out and could have came. But she just out of no where expects us to come see her. Anyone that has also gone to Disney knows its not the cheapest thing in the world for tickets. If we would have known ahead of time we would have planned for it.

deepcovejackie

Wow, I still don't get your level of animosity toward your FSIL, I really don't.  Examine that, for the future health of your extended family and your relationship.

Also, I'm a Dr, and I have a bank that insists on addressing me as "Miss".  I think it's weird, not because I'm a snot, but it sounds like they have no idea who I am.  It's jarring, and your FSIL is right, sounds like you don't even know your FBIL.  It's not about being a snot.  Imagine a good friend addressing you, after your wedding, as "miss" instead of "mrs".  That's basically it.

deepcovejackie

The Knot is being weird, I answered your last post, but it's buried in the middle somewhere...

vicki0508

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-last-nerve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4bf2c1c2-0995-4b9a-a8d5-2e38f92eea4bPost:64656e0d-d0d7-41e5-be34-21071cc15efa">Re: FSIL is on my last nerve!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]where on earth did my post go? I wasn't online all day to respond for one thing. If the wording was so important why didn't she make she to tell me the proper way before I even sent the STD? Now all of a sudden shes getting married and now she has to make sure I know how it needs to be addressed? Never mentioned at thing about it till she got engaged and going to be married in like 2months. Also I work with doctors day in and day out. Not one of them can care if something is worded Dr. or just Mr. I know he is very go with the flow and I'm sure it wasn't him caring how it is worded in the least it was her caring how it was worded. He never even mentions to people he has a PhD in physical therapy unless you have a full blown converation about education with him. She never ASKS if we would like to visit. She expects us to just visit whenever when we went on vaca. The vaca was my paretns (a present for their 25th anniversary) FH and I. And also we didnt have a car we flew there and got Disney transportation from the airport etc. Plus she expects it at the last minute that we will just come visit. If you asked us about coming to visit more then a day before the trip we could have worked something out and could have came. But she just out of no where expects us to come see her. Anyone that has also gone to Disney knows its not the cheapest thing in the world for tickets. If we would have known ahead of time we would have planned for it.
Posted by tmwanyo[/QUOTE]
None of this changed my opinion.

skippylouwho

She's telling you how to address the invitation correctly now since you demonstrated that you did not know how when you sent the STD.  Until she received the STD she probably figured you knew how, you proved you didn't and she sent you instructions for addressing it correctly.

If you complained about her wanting you to visit her on your previous trip to Florida you should have included the information that the trip was a gift from your parents for THEIR 25th anniversary and that you didn't have any transportation.  You should have explained this to her ahead of time also - "we'll be in FLorida as guests of my parents and without transportation"  You might have invited her to join you for a day or an afternoon since you couldn't travel to her. I would hope your parents wouldn't mind you spending a day or part of a day with your FI's family. 

This is your FI's sister, most likely he would like to spend time with her. You will want him to spend time with your family. Suck it up and spend time with his family too because otherwise it sounds like it's all about you and not all about her.

tmwanyo

actually FH dosent care for his sister he thinks she is a spoiled snot (which for the times I have spent with her I hate to say it but she is only will  have the best no matter what the cost)  and could care less to see her. We love her guy (he is the most laid back person can care less about anything) and well how can't you love the little one but she can be hard to deal with. 

and she did know about no transportation etc and still expected we come see her never asked just expected us to be there. 

tmwanyo

I do know he is a Dr. but he dosent make a big deal out of it. He dosnet go around telling people he is a Dr. he just says ya Im a phyical therapist not I have my PhD.  He dosent care if he isnt addressed as Dr. its like she care more about it. If he can really care less about it then why is she making such a bi deal over it. If he said he'd like to be called Dr. fine but he dosen't

deepcovejackie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-last-nerve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4bf2c1c2-0995-4b9a-a8d5-2e38f92eea4bPost:823e4447-43d1-4df5-aa38-2c0ab230e343">Re: FSIL is on my last nerve!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I do know he is a Dr. but he dosent make a big deal out of it. He dosnet go around telling people he is a Dr. he just says ya Im a phyical therapist not I have my PhD.  He dosent care if he isnt addressed as Dr. its like she care more about it. If he can really care less about it then why is she making such a bi deal over it. If he said he'd like to be called Dr. fine but he dosen't
Posted by tmwanyo[/QUOTE

You seem stuck in your perspective, so I don't have much more to add.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-last-nerve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4bf2c1c2-0995-4b9a-a8d5-2e38f92eea4bPost:183a27bf-b4e6-47d0-a836-6364de5dd9cb">Re: FSIL is on my last nerve!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>actually FH dosent care for his sister he thinks she is a spoiled snot (which for the times I have spent with her I hate to say it but she is only will  have the best no matter what the cost)  and could care less to see her. </strong>We love her guy (he is the most laid back person can care less about anything) and well how can't you love the little one but she can be hard to deal with.  and she did know about no transportation etc and still expected we come see her never asked just expected us to be there. 
Posted by tmwanyo[/QUOTE]

<div>From what you have told us about your FSIL this statement is false.</div>

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-last-nerve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4bf2c1c2-0995-4b9a-a8d5-2e38f92eea4bPost:cf344647-fb38-4748-9e40-78131d8f5e94">Re: FSIL is on my last nerve!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>All of your follow-up posts still give me the impression that you just don't like your FSIL and will find fault with anything she does or anything she says. </strong>She is going to be part of your family. Get over yourself. Make nice with her.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
Yup.  You've clearly made up your mind that she's an evil bitch that is constantly out to get you, and nothing anyone says is going to make a difference.  So it's probably best if you just drop the issue, because no one's mind is going to change here.

jilld82

The OP is on my last nerve.

vicki0508

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-last-nerve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4bf2c1c2-0995-4b9a-a8d5-2e38f92eea4bPost:823e4447-43d1-4df5-aa38-2c0ab230e343">Re: FSIL is on my last nerve!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I do know he is a Dr. but he dosent make a big deal out of it. <strong>He dosnet go around telling people he is a Dr. he just says ya Im a phyical therapist not I have my PhD</strong>.  He dosent care if he isnt addressed as Dr. its like she care more about it. If he can really care less about it then why is she making such a bi deal over it. If he said he'd like to be called Dr. fine but he dosen't
Posted by tmwanyo[/QUOTE]
That's how normal people talk.  When somebody asks what he does, he doesn't say "Oh I have my PhD."  He says "I'm a physical therapist."  Just like when people ask me what I do, I don't say "I have my JD."  I say, "I'm a lawyer." 

Addressing the invitation to him as Dr. is appropriate.  Would you address a single 19 year old as Mrs.?  No.  Because it's not the proper title for her.    Would you address your married friend (who took H's last name) as Ms. MaidenName?  No, because it's the wrong title.  This is just common sense stuff.

lalap69

I think you should talk to your doctor about your anger management problem.  It's just not normal to get this worked up over complete non-issues.

blahblah85

And you seriously can't get time off two months in advance?  This is your fiance's sister.  The fact that you are unwilling to make an effort is kind of pathetic. 

And if he dosen't care about her then he is kind of a jerk.  It dosen't matter that she is (supposedly) higgh-maintinance.  She is still his sister.