Moms and Maids

UPDATE! Crappy new twist on kicking out a pregnant BM

So I saw L tonight, and her cousin (H) actually called her today.  H was calling to ask L to step down.  H first said that she was already having a really hard time picking a perfect dress, and that L may not fit into the dress of her vision.  L told her she could order sizes up and have it tailored, or else order one in maternity if they had it.  Then the cousin said what if she got sick the day of the wedding and couldn't be in it.  L said she could get sick even if she wasn't pregnant.  Then H started throwing out all the reasons why walking down an isle might be too hard for a pregnant woman, and L told her that should be her own choice since it's her body.  H then started talking in circles, so L told H she didn't agree with her, but that she would respect her wishes and not be in the wedding if that's what she wanted.  H started crying and the phone call was then over.  And somewhere in there H assured L she'd have some crappy 'job' for L to do to 'honor' her, at which L was really offended.

Then L's Dad called her and said H's Dad called him upset because poor H was crying and L should have been more sensitive.  L's Dad wanted her to call H back and tell her she would help out with her wedding in any other way possible, but L refused to do it.  L's parents said if the shoe were on the other foot, they would never condone L booting someone out of her BP, but being good christians they understand H's family are humans and make mistakes/have faults, so they want to give them grace.  So yea, they won't be boycotting the wedding on L's behalf.  L said she will probably still go to the wedding just to be the bigger person, but she'll never see H's family the same way again.

L is seriously bummed.. and she thinks her Dad is dissappointed she wasn't more diplomatic which bums her out even more, and on top of all this L has not been able to hold any food down since last week Friday!!  She has bad 1st trimester 'morning' sickness that lasts literally all day.

Does that seem too much like a pity-invite to ask her to be a BM in my wedding which is the week before?  I just met L in October but picked my BP in Sept..
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Re: UPDATE! Crappy new twist on kicking out a pregnant BM

  • edited December 2011
    I might ask her to do a reading instead.

    I wish I could loan my dad to L.  If any of my uncles/cousins/aunts had pulled that crap, the phone company would be out repairing lines and the uncles/cousins/aunts would be in the ER to see if their eardrums could be replaced.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Personally I can't believe L is going to the wedding. Not only would I not go to the wedding but I would make it known to the world what a bitch H is, but I'm totally vengeful like that. I would also call H back and tell her to grow the f*ck up and stop tattling to her daddy to fight her damn battles. I feel really bad for L and the situation she was just put through, tell her she has my sympathy for having such a selfish cousin.

    If she already knows you picked the WP I wouldn't because she will think it's a pity invite, if she doesn't know then go ahead if you want. But I'm sure you comforting her and letting her vent to you right now makes her feel a lot better.
  • edited December 2011
    Autumn...I think we're long lost sisters :)
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  • edited December 2011
    I think L was very diplomatic in the face of blatant rudeness/brattiness. She stayed cool and logical far beyond what I would have been able to do.
  • crash2729crash2729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Wow.  You can't be in the wedding because you might not fit in the dress...Because you're pregnant...? This girl is ridiculous.  I used to work for a bridal place and we had pillows you tied around your waist/stomach. Each was 3 mos I think, and that's how you tried on a dress if you were preg.

    I can't believe that L is still going to go. If I was her I wouldn't waste my time!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_update-crappy-new-twist-kicking-out-pregnant-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:50377676-b743-4087-b83e-63da2d2a9c2fPost:9f422800-fe2b-4748-a460-bb05c9759965">Re: UPDATE! Crappy new twist on kicking out a pregnant BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow.  You can't be in the wedding because you might not fit in the dress...Because you're pregnant...? This girl is ridiculous.  I used to work for a bridal place and we had pillows you tied around your waist/stomach. Each was 3 mos I think, and that's how you tried on a dress if you were preg.<strong> I can't believe that L is still going to go. If I was her I wouldn't waste my time!
    </strong>Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

    I might.  But you can bet I'd have on the whitest and cutest maternity dress I could find and a big ol' rose bloom in my hair.  I'd also make sure my shoes were as cute as can be and I'd make sure I was dripping in pearls just to complete the look.

    But then again, I can be vengeful.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    GLB, nix the rose bloom and make it a tiara. :)
  • edited December 2011
    Good call.  I'd carry the rose instead.  Maybe add a few friends for it so it doens't get lonely by itself.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think something like this might do the trick nicely.  And the waistline would make it easy to alter for maternity.

    http://www.ecrater.com/p/7017452/strapless-a-line-tea-length-short#
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  • edited December 2011
    I like.  This would definitely turn a few heads with a cute baby bump :) 

    Maybe the roses I'd be carrying could be pink or blue and I could use the wedding to announce the baby's gender.

    @OP - sorry we kind of hijacked your thread.  You might want to show it to your friend though.  At the very least, I hope it would make her laugh.
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  • edited December 2011
    I can't believe either of the fathers (or H, obviously) are behaving that way. I wouldn't give L a pity BM invite, but definitely let her know that she isn't out of line for the way she feels here. I would definitely not go to the wedding, particularly if I thought I had to face some kind of lame non-BM honors there. 
  • jcamm11jcamm11 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    One thing I didn't mention last night because I didn't think it was of much importance is that L mentioned something about her aunt and cousin talking about booting her from the wedding a month ago before she even knew she was pregnant (I don't know how she found this out).  I asked her why and she said she had no idea.  I brought it up with my FI during pillow talk last night.  He remembered L saying that the dress H was leaning towards was not very flattering because it was form fitting.  Since getting married, L has gained 20-30lbs, and we don't know what the other girls look like, but if L is the only one a bit over model weight, and the only one who wouldn't look good wearing a form fitting dress, it sounds like H and her Mom were ready to boot L a month ago just for being extra curvy.

    Again, this is just pieces FI and I put together.  It would make sense since the bride's biggest 'stressor' (poor thing) is the maids dresses right now.  I would never bring up our conclusions to L because it would only stand to hurt her feelings if she hadn't thought of it already.
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  • jcamm11jcamm11 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_update-crappy-new-twist-kicking-out-pregnant-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:50377676-b743-4087-b83e-63da2d2a9c2fPost:09d61130-e9e8-454e-b7f4-3d9097887367">Re: UPDATE! Crappy new twist on kicking out a pregnant BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think something like this might do the trick nicely.  And the waistline would make it easy to alter for maternity. <a href="http://www.ecrater.com/p/7017452/strapless-a-line-tea-length-short#" rel="nofollow">http://www.ecrater.com/p/7017452/strapless-a-line-tea-length-short#</a>
    Posted by FayeValentine69[/QUOTE]

    Hah!  I love it!
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, definitely don't mention the weight thing, even if it is true, it's just not worth repeating.

    It really blows me away when Brides specially family treat their own close family like crap. Friends come and go, but family is technically forever and this Bride didn't give a sh*t what drama or hurt feeling she would cause, all she cared about is her damn "vision". I'm all for Brides having their "vision" but if it means hurting people in the process then hell no. 
  • edited December 2011
    Lame...

    the bride for being a GIANT jerk bridezilla
    her parents for raising her to think that being a self-centered jerk is ok and
                   continuing to support her lousy behavior
    the OP's dad for not completely standing up for his daughter
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • jcamm11jcamm11 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_update-crappy-new-twist-kicking-out-pregnant-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:50377676-b743-4087-b83e-63da2d2a9c2fPost:b4884e69-ee06-4e71-88e3-c88f74620076">Re: UPDATE! Crappy new twist on kicking out a pregnant BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, definitely don't mention the weight thing, even if it is true, it's just not worth repeating. It really blows me away when Brides specially family treat their own close family like crap. Friends come and go, but family is technically forever and this Bride didn't give a sh*t what drama or hurt feeling she would cause, all she cared about is her damn "vision". I'm all for Brides having their "vision" but if it means hurting people in the process then hell no. 
    Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  Rejection is one of the hardest emotions we have to deal with as people, and to put a close family member through that feeling for the sake of appearances?  L's greatest woe in all this is wondering what her relationship with her formerly loving aunt and uncle really meant to them all these years.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yes, I just can't imagine the betrayal that your friend is going through. My family is very vocal and if this situation came to be in my family I can bet it wouldn't be a quiet ending. There would be a lot of discussion about the selfish attitudes of not only the Bride but the parents. I'm still shocked at your friend's father not supporting your friend. If my dad did that to me, I would hash it out right there and not speak to him for a good while. He basically is about as bad as all the rest. Your friend sounds like a saint. I definitely am not and when someone whom I close to betrays me, well, I'm not someone who just takes it, I make sure the selfish actions are known to all.
  • edited December 2011
    I remember years ago a wedding planner being interviewed and she was talking about 2 different weddings.

    The first wedding she found out the the B&G picked their WP from the gym they belonged to because they wanted everyone to look good.  It was the most miserable wedding she'd ever planned.

    The best wedding she ever planned had a B&G who were concerned about everyone but themselves.  The bride had a cousin with cerebral palsy who needed a wheelchair and the bride picked her church and reception venue to accommodate her cousin (this was before the ADA law went into effect).

    Give your friend a hug for me.  A few years ago I was 5'7" and 115 lbs.  Model thin but FI was worried I was anorexic when we met (actually, I was just a broke law student living on cheese and crackers).  Since then, I've added 40 lbs, got boobs and hips for the first time in my life and (in my humble opinion), look better than ever.
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  • 8daysaweek8daysaweek member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I will never understand these women, like H, who let planning a wedding take over their entire lives. Seriously, it's one day. How could that possibly be worth destroying relationships, hurting loved ones, fighting with family and losing friends?

    I never posted about it but I had a situation similar to one I see so many girls on here complaining about. I gave my two attendants, my sister and my BFF, free reign over their dresses. THey didn't have to match each other at all and could be any shade of blue as long as it wasn't floor length (which was only because my dress is tea length).
    They decided they wanted to match and picked a dress at a price point that worked for both. Then my sister was laid off and it took a while to find a new position, which drastically changed her financial situation. My sister told me she was sorry but she couldn't afford to buy the dress.
    It never even crossed my mind that she wouldn't be in my wedding over something as silly as a piece of clothing. I told her there was a dress at target for $30 that we could order up until the week of the wedding and I didn't care if they didn't match. In the end, FI and I decided just to buy her dress though because we want her in our wedding.
    It baffles me that anyone would care more about how a dress look than a person's feelings.

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  • edited December 2011
    How sad that this woman picked her wedding over the relationship with her cousin.

    Reading that the cousin and her mom planned to boot L a while ago due to a little weight gain really doesn't surprise me, though.  Seems like something people with that mentality would do.

    With a bride who values this material crap over relationships with family, I wonder what her relationship will be with her husband after this special perfect day of hers if over?

    Hope he doesn't gain any weight either.
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  • jcamm11jcamm11 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_update-crappy-new-twist-kicking-out-pregnant-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:50377676-b743-4087-b83e-63da2d2a9c2fPost:c815180d-3bef-457a-a9c1-9a8ed3ddd8cc">Re: UPDATE! Crappy new twist on kicking out a pregnant BM</a>:
    [QUOTE]How sad that this woman picked her wedding over the relationship with her cousin. Reading that the cousin and her mom planned to boot L a while ago due to a little weight gain really doesn't surprise me, though.  Seems like something people with that mentality would do. With a bride who values this material crap over relationships with family, 1) <strong>I wonder what her relationship will be with her husband after this special perfect day of hers if over</strong>? 2) <strong>Hope he doesn't gain any weight either</strong>.
    Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

    1) Well the family is religious to the point of looking down their snouts at others, so a divorce would be an extremely humbling thing for all of them.  Maybe she'd grow up by her 2nd wedding 2) haha
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  • edited December 2011
    H = suck
    L = good sport

    L should wear a kick butt baby bump obvious cute dress and GLOW.
  • miaka51miaka51 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Awww that poor poor dear.  What a way to find out your family is full of backstabbers.  and at such an AWESOME time... Weddings really do bring out the best in people don't they.  All about love... It makes me want to vomit.  And then punch H.  I would absolutely invite her to be in my BP.  I don't care if it is seen as a "pity" invite.  I would sit her down and tell her that after going through such a horrendous experience, I felt closer to her than ever and that I would be so honored to have someone with such class and loyalty come out to support me at my wedding no matter what her condition.  Obviously, if she didn't want to, I would totally understand, but it plays out in my head with lots of tears and hugging, and ends with L feeling vindicated and like she has a friend, which she may not feel right now.  I say, if you want to, go for it!  She is a beautiful person and i doubt it would feel like pity to her, but more like compassion.  Hell, I want her in MY BP and I don't even know her! (ok, maybe i got a little overzealous there...)
  • edited December 2011
    That story wore me out.
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