Mothers....

NJhousewife22

My mom is completely ruining my wedding planning experience with her negativity. She LOVES my fiance, so I know it's not related to him in any way, but she has an absolute FIT about every single one of my choices. She seems to hate our vision for our wedding and that she can't control/pick anything.  And the kicker is, she isn't paying for the wedding! 

I tried to be nice and include my parents in the planning since we live 3,000 miles away, but everything I tell my mom she has a negative opinion on or she ignores. I sent her the guest list, she thought I was rude for not including every single person she wanted. I sent her my dress picks, she said I was going to be too cold because none of them had long sleeves. I told her the church we found, she hated that. Even when we told my parents that we WANTED to pay for our wedding ourselves, they threw a fit (they JUST paid for my sister's wedding last year and said it wasn't fair to me (for the record, *I* have no problem with it)), I sent them information on a few things and asked if they wanted to contribute to any of those, the ignored me completely. 

I'm at a loss of what to do to make them happy and am thinking more and more that I just stop including them in anything and treat them like regular guests. Any advice on how to handle difficult parents?

Cynthia1207

I'm tempted to say stop talking about your plans if it bothers you so much but I can't help but wonder....Maybe your mom is upset because you live so far away and can't really partake in the whole experience with you?

Maybe before making a decision on something, show her your options and see what she might like.  That way maybe she'll feel a little more involved in your planning.   If she continues to act the way she is even after you've given her options and choices, then I strongly suggest to stop all wedding talk.

jagore08

You shouldn't include them in all of your plans.  If this is how she's acting now then just let her have the details you already gave and leave it at that.  If you're paying for it then she doesn't need to be involved in every decision made.

cyn1812000

I understand how you feel... it seems every other day I have to put my foot down to remind my Mom that it's MY wedding and I get final say.

vixey

If she really is just being a Negative Nancy about everything, then I think you should stop including her in anything.  If you want her to still be included, then just be prepared for her to be unhappy with your decisions.

Is there anything that you don't care one way or the other about, and just let her pick that?  I also like the PPs idea about presenting her with a few options of things that you like and getting her opinion before you make any decisions.

jemmini6

I'd just stop including her in the plans.  My parents are actually contributing almost half of our budget and don't know as much about our wedding as yours do.  Not that I'm trying to exclude her or because my mom is overbearing or anything, she just doesn't 'care' (meaning that she doesn't feel the need to babysit our wedding plans). 

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mothers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5053babe-ac53-480d-a296-ff3158ccc3edPost:cb58edff-86ee-457a-9493-a83325d98b37">Re: Mothers....</a>:
[QUOTE]Stop sharing your plans with her.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This....

NJhousewife22

LOL @ CMGr....you poor thing! 

I think I had this idea that my mom had to have a certain "daughter's wedding" experience and be involved, which is why I attempted sharing ideas with her. We've decided to just share our wedding planning website where we post links and pictures of our choices and progress with my mom and let her view at her leisure. That way she can complain privately to my dad about how terrible our "modern" taste is and leave us alone. :-P

lnatkin

Thanks for posting this. I thought I was the only one with a mom who had a negative comment about every choice i've made. I think that I will include her in only a few more choices since we are only about three months away from being married and there isn't much left to choose. Be strong, at the end of the day it doesn't matter what anyone thinks but you and your fiance. As long as the two of you are happy then you will have a wonderful wedding.