ADVICE PLEASE!!!

mzrios11

My oldest sister and I havent been the best of friends and some times we just dnt get along and when I got engaged she never said congrats to me or my FI. Even though she never acknowledged me I still asked her to be apart of my wedding. Well she didnt respond so I went ahead with my planning without her. It just so happened my mom and my other sister and I went to look at bridesmaids dresses and my oldest sister tags along. I over hear my mom ask my sister what size she wears and basically adds her to the wedding party without discussing it with me. I know if I dont have noth of my sisters in my wedding my mom will not be happy but I gave my sister the opportunity to be apart of my special day. I am confused and I dont know what to do. I have tried to talk to my mom about it but her excuse was that my oldest was going thru alot of the time of my proposal and thats why she never responded or congratulated me. Any advice wud be great! Thanks

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:51aad3d8-7ec8-4761-9018-e4a6e8dc0a60Post:8b793c9c-45d3-44d7-b91d-0e6bfdeb840a">ADVICE PLEASE!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]My oldest sister and I havent been the best of friends and some times we just dnt get along and when I got engaged she never said congrats to me or my FI. <strong>Even though she never acknowledged me I still asked her to be apart of my wedding</strong>. Well she didnt respond so I went ahead with my planning without her. It just so happened my mom and my other sister and I went to look at bridesmaids dresses and my oldest sister tags along. <strong>I over hear my mom ask my sister what size she wears and basically adds her to the wedding party without discussing it with me</strong>. I know if I dont have noth of my sisters in my wedding my mom will not be happy but I gave my sister the opportunity to be apart of my special day. I am confused and I dont know what to do. I have tried to talk to my mom about it but her excuse was that my oldest was going thru alot of the time of my proposal and thats why she never responded or congratulated me. Any advice wud be great! Thanks
Posted by mzrios11[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Alright, am I assuming you asked your sister to be a BM and she never responded with an answer? Well, since you are looking at dresses and she is interested then just assume she wants to be in it. She never technically decline, she just wasn't into talking about wedding stuff with you (this is a common things for most people, even those in the WP). An invitation to be in the WP shouldn't have an expiration date, but I will say that if a dress was picked out and she decided to want back in then she won't get a say in that.</div><div>
</div><div> Maybe you should have a heart to heart with your sister asking her again, if she wants to be a BM since she never really gave you an answer, because this could be more of <em>your mom</em><strong> wanting </strong>your sister to be a BM, then your actual sister. So try talking to your sister to see what is going on. If your sister isn't comfortable and this is more of your mom forcing people then tell your mom, "Mom, I had a chat with sister and she says she doesn't want to be in the WP. Please do not force her to do something she doesn't want to do."

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rodeo417

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:51aad3d8-7ec8-4761-9018-e4a6e8dc0a60Post:6346029e-b42b-4796-9050-3384ef445ff7">Re: ADVICE PLEASE!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to ADVICE PLEASE!!! : Alright, am I assuming you asked your sister to be a BM and she never responded with an answer? Well, since you are looking at dresses and she is interested then just assume she wants to be in it. She never technically decline, she just wasn't into talking about wedding stuff with you (this is a common things for most people, even those in the WP). An invitation to be in the WP shouldn't have an expiration date, but I will say that if a dress was picked out and she decided to want back in then she won't get a say in that.  Maybe you should have a heart to heart with your sister asking her again, if she wants to be a BM since she never really gave you an answer, because this could be more of your mom wanting your sister to be a BM, then your actual sister. So try talking to your sister to see what is going on. If your sister isn't comfortable and this is more of your mom forcing people then tell your mom, "Mom, I had a chat with sister and she says she doesn't want to be in the WP. Please do not force her to do something she doesn't want to do."
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

this 100%

peaceistheway

perhaps your wedding would be a great opportunity to mend your relationship. you mentioned you mom explaining to you that she was going through a lot. whether or not this was the case, or she is overly dramatic, i think you should be the bigger person and disregard her reaction (or lack thereof). a lot of the ladies on here have given me the harsh, but true, advice... that not everyone is a big fan of weddings. i agree with the first poster in response to your thread... that she did tag along, so somehwere deep down she wants to be involved.

my advice is to be humble, and try to hang out with her. be open minded, be sympathetic, and offer her your sisterly shoulder to lean on. if, in the long run, your efforts prove futile, then just shrug it off. don't take it personally, and more than anything else, know you did your best to be there for her (this requires putting all your emotions aside). kind of like that saying "love without expectations".

don't forget... friends come and go, but family will never change. it's a hard situation, but it is what it is.