Any other mother's dream...

mommaplanning

This is my first post as the mother of the bride who has given me free reign to plan and execute her wedding. She only wants to pick hers and the bridesmaids' dresses. Even though she said she would let me do this since completing a wedding project back in high school; I have to admit that I didn't think she would follow through with that idea. I thought once she got engaged, the excitement of planning would kick in. But, it hasn't. She got engaged in July of this year and up until yesterday, she was still saying "eeh" while shrugging her shoulders to the decision of the venue. While this would probably elate any other mother, it doesn't elate me. I didn't have a big wedding though I wanted to but I have no desire to make this my wedding either. I'm somewhat unsettled. I just want to have a wedding that she would love to be a part of you. I love her trust in me. I guess I need to trust myself.

Kate61487

It sounds like you've decided you'll take on this task, so I'll move on from there (rather than telling you to push it back on her if you want to) Work with what you've got. Honestly, I didn't care that much about my own venue, I liked it fine, but it was just a room. She wants to pick her dress and the BMs dresses so start there! She will inadvertantly be choosing the color scheme, the formality, etc by picking those! Go simple and elegant, nothing over the top or too theme-y. I'd like to believe as the individual decisions come up she'll be more interested. Good luck!

CowgirlK39

Make sure you are open to her suggestions, when she decides to put them in. Like you said, you don't want to turn this into your own wedding, so plan things, then run them by her and see how she feels. There have been a number of posts on here about girls who let their moms plan, and the mom ends up running away with it all. Make sure she does get input.

quiggels219

I agree to start with the things she said she is interested in - it will give you an idea of how to go about planning everything else and maybe will snap her into wedding excitement mode!

My FI is not interested in the details at all so I did things like asked him to make a list of 3 things he has seen at weddings and really liked or things he really wanted (he gave me two) but it was something I could work with.  I also try to narrow things down to two choices and then ask his opinion on those two. 

MairePoppy

As an MOB, I wouldn't be thrilled with planning my daughter's wedding with little input from her. It's just too risky. If you scroll down a few threads, there is a post from a bride who's mom is planning her wedding, at her request. Now the bride isn't happy that the mom is 'running away with the wedding.'

If you want to plan the wedding, get info from a few different venues and insist that she make the final decision. She might be more interested in a relaxed, casual wedding, rather than a traditional style. Don't put deposits on anything without her input. If she continues to be disinterested in her wedding plans, you might consider that she isn't ready to set a date. Put the planning on the back burner until she is ready.

Good luck.

em01092

I definitely think you should get some input from your daughter, at the very least. Just ask her for some direction and then go from there. If you ever really feel stumped about something, it won't kill her to make a decision. 

Personally, I don't understand brides who have other people plan for them. I get asking for a hand, but I can't imagine just leaving my wedding in the hands of anyone else, even a wedding planner. A DOC (day of coordinator) would be one thing, just to help make things run smoothly, but you shouldn't do that as the MOB. DOC is a job, not an honor. 

One of my friends let her mom plan her wedding because she couldn't handle the stress of it and she didn't want to deal with it. My thought is, if you can't plan a wedding, which is only as complicated as you make it, how are you going to plan for life? I don't mean that all brides who have their moms plan are like this, but the way she told me about it just really annoyed me. 

Aiobheann

As a bride I cared about 2 things: venue and ring inscription. I let my mom and sister pretty much do everything else. My florist asked me a few questions then did about 7 samples for me to pick from. Baker made 3 different options for tasting. I didn't care that much. They did make me give the final say on things though and I think that's a good place to start with your daughter.

soozy87

Maybe for the dresses you can take her with you. Tell her you want to see them on her and maybe she will start talking about what she likes and she will find one that she loves. She must have opinions.

If it were me, I would try to take on the role of a guide. Look through magazines, come up with a few choices and have her choose the final thing.  Maybe it is just too overwelming for her to do alone.

See how it goes and hopefully she will give you imput and you and she can make it her perfect day and bond along the way!

djoann958

My daughter got married in February and she was very happy to make the big decisions (venue, flowers, dress, cake, etc). But when it came to the details (escort cards, linens, programs,), she really dragged her feet. Invitations were hard to do because there were just way too many choices.

I loved doing all the little details. I would do research online based on her colors, ideas, etc. I would find a few things I thought she would like, show them to her, and let her make the final decision. It was her wedding after all.

Once the wedding got closer, she really started to get excited about the details and actually did quite a few DIY projects (escort cards, favor bags, programs, out of town bags).

I would do what your daughter asks but still try to encourage her to make all the final decisions. Have fun planning!

Elinetrouwt

I think you are a great mother for helping your daughter out this way.

Do you know why she is not excited? Is it the planning she abhors? Of does she not really want a big wedding and would prefer a private ceremony/elopement deep down inside? Is she maybe having second thoughts about it and does she not want to get married? I think you need to talk with her and find out about it. If she doesn't want to have this day, for whatever reason, she shouldn't go through with it. And if she doesn't care about any part of it, I can't help but wonder if she cares about the package.

jrowe38

I wish my mom was willing to get this involved.  I'm getting married in April and she lives several states away, the most I'm getting out of her is complaining about costs and how she could get friends to do stuff for me for free (like photography, dress alterations, etc).  I can't even get her to fly in to go dress shopping with me!

Your daughter is really lucky to have a mom that is willing to help her out so much.  Like others have said, try starting with the stuff she is interested in (dresses) and I'm sure from there she'll start to get more involved.

jemmini6

If you want her input, perhaps the easiest way wouldn't be to take an idea and ask her what she thinks, but narrow it down to your 2 - 3 favorites and have her make the final decision.  That way there's not as many choices for her to be overwhelmed with and you can be sure that at the very least, all the final choices were hers so you don't feel like you ran away with it.