My sister stopped speaking to me and left me high and dry without a maid of honor

marionravenwood

When I asked my sister to be my maid of honor back in July she seemed super excited about it.  I was her maid of honor 6 years ago and we had always planned on her being mine. The problem started when I asked her to go dress shopping in September. I live in DC and she lives in NY and my schedule is so hectic that I knew I probably wouldn't be able to get up there in time to help her shop.  So I sent her pictures of dresses and found the bridal shops in NY that carried them.  She never went.  I kept asking and asking and she still never went.  I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she was busy but then the clock started ticking down and we were super limited on time.

Over Christmas she and I were home in Ohio visiting our mom and I made the executive decision to brave a winter storm and head to the Cleveland area to dress shop.  She was snarky the entire time!  She complained about how bad she looked in all the dresses but then would say "oh its your wedding, whatever you want" but then start whispering to her husband about the dress.  I kept encouraging her and telling her how great she looked but nothing helped.

Finally in the middle of bridal shop (which was super busy) she announced that she had to lose 10 pounds because I told her she had to (which is a total lie!). I was so embarassed.  Needless to say things were tense after that.  She kept trying to pick fights with my mom and I and finally that evening I told her to knock if off and she exploded in anger (which I was lucky enough to not witness because she went off on my mom after I went to bed).

I flew out early the next day.  My mom told me that after I left my sister went off on my mom and her and her husband left.  She has since changed her cell phone number (whenever I call it it says its "not a working number") and unfriended my mom and I on facebook.  I sent an e-mail to her several days ago but I haven't heard back.  I'm assuming she's not planning on being in the wedding but I have no way of finding out.

I have no idea what to do because she was my only bridesmaid and since my wedding is in April it is getting too late to find a replace and also order a dress in time.  I also am not super tight with many girls (I have lots of girlfriends but all of my best friends are guys).

Does anyone have any suggestions?  I'm getting desperate not to mention being upset and super stresses.

mob112710

First let me say that I'm so sorry that your sister is acting this way.  Unfortunately it looks as though she doesn't want to be your MOH and you should find someone else for the role.  No reason why you can't ask one of your male friends to be the Man of Honor or Honor Attendant, it's becoming more common these days and makes perfect sense in your situation (closer male friends than female).  However, I would urge you to send a letter to your sister reaaching out to her and letting her know that you'll be there for her.  It sounds as though she needs help. Course you should also be wary of any attempts on her part to create drama closer to your wedding date! :-/ 

SarahPLiz

1- You don't have to have an MOH or any other attendant to make your marriage valid. Only 2 witnesses are needed and they can be anyone of legal age. Also even sides are not necessary. DOn't go drinking that koolaid.

2- Your sister sucks for acting like that, but it sounds like there is something else going on in her life. However, if she won't tlak to you, there is no way of you knowing what is going on.

3- Please do not find a replacement. If she isn't there, then its her that looks bad. All your guests will be expecting to see her there. Plus, the other person you choose will know they are a replacement and were not important enough to be asked in the first place. This is an insult to the replacement.

4- IF you replace her, and then your relationship improves in the next 6 months, she will be supremely pissed and that may end your relationship altogether. Sisters fight sometimes. It happens. But give the relationship time to improve. This is about being sisters for a lifetime, not just one day in your life.

5- Never lose a lifelong relationship and/or a chance for reconciliation over one day, whether that one day is the day in the bridal shop or your wedding day. Try sending her a heartfelt letter, asking her what you did to offend her to the point that she won't talk to you. Taking the humble stance often gets more cooperation than accusation. I assume she didn't move in order to avoid you.. you should know her address. A hand-written, sincere letter can go a long way.

Muffin'sMom

I'm afraid I am not as kind.  I have dealt with high maintenance relatives my entire life.  It escalated when my daughter got engaged and we were planning her wedding.  Suddenly it was, "if you don't do it this way i am not coming to the wedding or ever speaking to you again."  Someone on what was then the MOB/MOG board gave me a response that saved my sanit and I have used it in other situations since when people try to hijack my life.  I sweetly look at them and say, "I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way.  We will miss you on the day".  Then you leave the room, conversation, argument and refuse to re-engage.

Unfortunately some folks just feed on being involved in drama.  This approach defuses the drama and no one can accuse me of being nasty.  The key is smiling sweetly the entire time.  Trying to "reason with" or convince some people is just a giagantic waste of time...they just want the drama!!!

Just my humble opinion!

nefariousmango

I'm so sorry your sister's being so strange, and I agree that there must be something else going on in her life right now if this is as out of character as it sounds!  Can you get any clues from her husband's reaction to the whole thing (ie how he acted in the dress shop)?

My friend's closest friends are all male, so she had all male "bridesmaids" and that was great for her!  If you have a close male friend, especially if he's someone you've been talking to about wedding stuff and who knows about this sister ordeal, I think it's totally appropriate to ask him if he'll be your MOH.  If he understands that you always thought your sister would be your MOH but she flaked out and you would like to have someone you can rely on to stand up there on your side, I'm sure he won't feel like he's a second choice!  Sometimes family fails, and then we need our friends to support us, and almost everyone gets that!

I hope everything works out for you and your sister!  Best of luck!