Didn't ask my cousin to be a maid...now there's drama

brittcw87

My cousin and I aren't that close. The only time I see here now is when our family gets together for holidays. We don't talk on the phone or text. We may comment on each other's status updates or pics on FB every once in awhile but thats about it. My fiance and I have already asked the four girls that I want in the wedding and we've already picked out dresses. My cousin saw that on FB and posted and asked, "what about me?" Now I feel like I should ask her since she's family but I don't want her to feel like I'm just asking b/c her feelings are hurt...which technically I am. My fiance says I shouldn't worry about it but my dad thinks I need to include her. What do you think?

mgietler76

You've already chosen your WP and she's not in it. It's too bad for her, I would just ignore the FB comment and if she asks again just tell her *politely* that you have already chosen your WP and can't wait to share your day with her as your guest. Asking her now would be obvious that it's a pity invite.

[Deleted User]

Ditto meg.

Don't worry about it. Only the nearest and dearest should stand up beside you on your wedding day. It sounds like she just wants to be in the WP so she can stand up there and look pretty.

sister2groom

The only time I understand family being hurt about not being included is if it's a situation like it's your only sister, or only one sister is not included (and not even all of  those situations should you feel obligated to include them, I just can understand the feeling of being hurt) . A not-so-close cousin? That's silly. I mean I have more than 10 female cousins and haven't been in/don't expect to be in one of their weddings and it's never bothered me.

jilld82

Ditto to PP's.  Also try not to advertise too many wedding related things on FB.  That just opens a whole can of worms when people want to know if they are invited to the wedding and pre wedding things as well.  It will avoid awkward situations such as this one.

SirJuliusVonHaast

I wouldn't invite her if you aren't close . . . but I also wouldn't put those kind of details up on facebook! All I've done is change my status to engaged, but everything else I'm keeping private. 

vicki0508

I agree with PPs.  I also want to emphasize not posting FB updates about your wedding.  Unless you're inviting every single FB friend you have, wedding related updates are pretty rude.

StephieBow

You're not obligated.  My aunt was a little upset that I didn't have my cousin as a bridesmaid but as much as my cousin is great ... we get together maybe once or twice a year without it being a family event and that's about it.  I'm much closer with my girlfriends. 

I wouldn't worry about it... feelings get hurt whether it's family or friends but you just need to know that you made the right decision and that's it.

Also, completley agree that you should keep wedding stuff to a minimum on FB.  Hopefully your friends understand (our friends who are invited PM us questions and never broadcast it, and we never actually asked anyone to do that.)

marinabreeze

Facebook is the devil!

OP, PPs are right.  Your cousin was rude in asking you, and so ignore the comment.  If she calls/sees you in person and asks, just say something to the effect of "w, x, y, and z are bridesmaids.  I hope to see you at the wedding as a guest."  There is nothing for you to explain, and no explanation will make the situation better.  It is what it is.

And please, please stop posting these updates on your FB wall.  I changed my status on my wall and had ring pics.  That was it.  I communicate other information to my WP through phone and FB private message.  It cuts down on any issues like the one you are having.  I suggest you do the same.

marinabreeze

JiIn Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_didnt-ask-cousin-maidnow-theres-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5b511c4a-f811-499b-82a8-ab375673110aPost:3b44d2d6-b0d7-4b99-b77b-be27f247ccc7">Didn't ask my cousin to be a maid...now there's drama</a>:
[QUOTE]My cousin and I aren't that close. The only time I see here now is when our family gets together for holidays. We don't talk on the phone or text. We may comment on each other's status updates or pics on FB every once in awhile but thats about it. My fiance and I have already asked the four girls that I want in the wedding and we've already picked out dresses. My cousin saw that on FB and posted and asked, "what about me?" Now I feel like I should ask her since she's family but I don't want her to feel like I'm just asking b/c her feelings are hurt...which technically I am. My fiance says I shouldn't worry about it but my dad thinks I need to include her. What do you think?
Posted by brittcw87[/QUOTE]

JIC.

jcamm11

I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was joking.  Maybe reply to it "ha ha, very funny suzie!   Can't wait to see you, how have you been?  Seems like we hardly ever talk!"  ETA: if she is serious, this points out that she doesn't really make much effort to keep in touch with you hence explaining why she wasn't picked as a BM.

As PP's said, stop posting your wedding stuff on FB till after the wedding!!

LoveMuffins

Yeah I'd reply with something like, "I can't wait to see what dress you wear!" or something like that. Play it off as a joke, even if she was rude enough not to actually be joking.

And ditto to PPs on the stop posting stuff on facebook anyway. Personally I think that's kind of rude as well, since I'm assuming not everyone on facebook is invited to your wedding. It's one thing to post pictures afterwards, but posting details to people who aren't even going to be invited always seems kind of a jerk move to me.

mizzicantwait

agreed..
1) It is rude of her to ask.
2) WP is already chosen, do not second guess yourself or add her to be 'polite'
3) Don't post specifics about your wedding on Facebook, unless your entire friends list is going. You don't want people to assume. =/
4) If you dad brings it up, let him know why she wasn't chosen.