Besties/Bridesmaid fight. Please Help!

mjm005

So my 2 besties decided to live together this year. I knew it was a bad idea from the start because of 2 reasons,1) friends should never live together and 2) their personalities are too strong to be living together. I live in a separate town 3 hrs away so I hear both sides by phone and text w/out witnessing the conflicts in person. We used to call our selves the 3 musketeers. The conflicts have gotten so bad that they aren't talking anymore. Both have told me that they wont say anything until the other apologizes. I have come to the conclusion that while we are home for Christmas break that I will get them together and have them talk while I mediate. Am I doing the right thing? We are planning on doing it tomorrow because it is the only time we can all get together. Please let me know any advice/if this is a good thing to do. I just want my 2 BFs back together so we can have fun together again!
Thanks

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bestiesbridesmaid-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5b9c5881-2612-4ff3-88d2-63f71fcdc0a4Post:33f74dbc-37d5-4ced-8d6f-802911c32bca">Besties/Bridesmaid fight. Please Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my 2 besties decided to live together this year. I knew it was a bad idea from the start because of 2 reasons,1) friends should never live together and 2) their personalities are too strong to be living together. I live in a separate town 3 hrs away so I hear both sides by phone and text w/out witnessing the conflicts in person. We used to call our selves the 3 musketeers. The conflicts have gotten so bad that they aren't talking anymore. Both have told me that they wont say anything until the other apologizes. I have come to the conclusion that while we are home for Christmas break that I will get them together and have them talk while I mediate. Am I doing the right thing? We are planning on doing it tomorrow because it is the only time we can all get together. Please let me know any advice/if this is a good thing to do. I just want my 2 BFs back together so we can have fun together again! Thanks
Posted by mjm005[/QUOTE]
Hmm.  I could see that going either way, really.  I would do it in a public place like a coffee house or restaurant so that 1) they'll be more inclined to keep things civil and 2) they can leave if they feel the need to.  But putting yourself in the middle also has the opportunity to backfire spectacularly.  Do you know anyone who has experience in conflict mediation that could offer you advice, or even go with you to talk to them?  These things usually need to be handled extremely delicately.

I do want to commend you for your perspective on this, though.  A lot of brides would try to make this all about their wedding, but you've got it exactly right: they're your besties first and your bridesmaids second.  It's quite refreshing to see.

waltzingmatilda13

Mediation can be very difficult if you don't know what you are doing. I agree with aerin about looking for someone who has experience in this. It's even more complicated because they live together and may just put on a show and go right back to hating each other when you live.

But I have to give you credit for trying and for being more concerned about your friends than your wedding right now. Hopefully they will see how much you love them and will settle their differences. Good luck!

LoveMuffins

It might just be best to let this one alone. I've been part of a bestie-threesome my whole life (not the same one, but for some reason my best friends are always threesomes), and occasionally would find myself in the middle of some craaaazy fights. Hang out with them, let them vent, DO NOT take sides, possibly offer advice but do NOT tell either of them what the other has said. Just nod, if they ask your opinion tell them that you're staying out of it, but that you love them both and you hope they work it out. Chances are, they will eventually, but getting in the middle of things will probably lose you one or both of them. It will also be better if they work this out on their own, since they're the ones who are going to have to live together (unless one of them breaks lease) and you can't come swinging in to the rescue every time they fight.

mjm005

Thanks girls for your great advice! I talked it over with one of them and we both think that its best for me to just stay out of it. (she doesn't want me wrapped up in all of it.) Im so glad I could come on here and vent/get advice b4 I acted! Thanks again girls. I just hope they get back to atleast talking.

mjm005

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bestiesbridesmaid-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5b9c5881-2612-4ff3-88d2-63f71fcdc0a4Post:89e7e37c-ce94-478f-9d21-5981ae4466b2">Re: Besties/Bridesmaid fight. Please Help!</a>:
[QUOTE] I do want to commend you for your perspective on this, though.  A lot of brides would try to make this all about their wedding, but you've got it exactly right: they're your besties first and your bridesmaids second.  It's quite refreshing to see.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Thank you! I am all about my wedding but they were friends first before they became bridesmaids so that is more important. Even though it wont be as fun at wedding events with them not talking, I am more concerned about our friendship than the wedding events. I have been trying to avoid the "Bridezilla" & "All About Me Bride" during this planning so its good to hear I am succeeding so far with avoiding it!

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bestiesbridesmaid-fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5b9c5881-2612-4ff3-88d2-63f71fcdc0a4Post:28922367-83f7-4ec1-9b70-7f726b925cf6">Re: Besties/Bridesmaid fight. Please Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Besties/Bridesmaid fight. Please Help! : Thank you! I am all about my wedding but they were friends first before they became bridesmaids so that is more important. Even though it wont be as fun at wedding events with them not talking, I am more concerned about our friendship than the wedding events. I have been trying to avoid the "Bridezilla" & "All About Me Bride" during this planning so its good to hear I am succeeding so far with avoiding it!
Posted by mjm005[/QUOTE]
Seriously, this makes me smile.  You have no idea how rare this attitude is these days.  Stick around, we can always use level-headed brides around here.

orangecrush32

I'm glad you opted to not go for it. It definitely had the possibility of blowing up in your face, leaving you with no friends due to this fight. I'm actually currently in one of these fights with my former best friend/roommate and my other best friend/roommate got involved. Let's just say the first one got mad at the second and now they also aren't talking. Did wonders for me and my other best friend, but now we're in the same crappy boat.