MOH and BM worries...

cyn1812000

Right now I'm stressing over two things.  First is my MOH and the fact that she has yet to show up for anything other than the dress shopping.  I wouldn't be stressed other than she will tell me that yes she will be there, then I'll call when she's late and she'll say she's on her way, then 3 hours later I call her and tell her to just forget about it.  This has happened twice.  Should I just quit asking her for help?  She says she wants to be involved but I do need to get things done and if she can't help me it'd be nice to know so I can ask someone else.

The second problem I'm having is one of my BM's.  She is having financial difficulty, and I don't think she's ordered her dress yet.  I asked her beforehand if she was sure she could afford her own dress because I won't be able to help (paying for the wedding ourselves) and she said it wouldn't be a problem.  However, since then things have gotten worse for her.  I don't know how to approach the topic of making sure the dress is ordered?  The wedding is in 8 weeks and it takes 6-8 weeks for the dress to arrive - and she lives out of town.  Is there a way of asking her that wouldn't sounding insensitive or making her feel bad?  I would understand completely if she can't be in the wedding and I don't want her to feel like this is something she HAS to do. 

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-bm-worries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5c5a063e-2947-4dfc-a9f0-889d45895fecPost:97b9cfbf-a0f6-44c1-9594-864769aafbe6">MOH and BM worries...</a>:
[QUOTE]Right now I'm stressing over two things.  First is my MOH and the fact that she has yet to show up for anything other than the dress shopping.  I wouldn't be stressed other than she will tell me that yes she will be there, then I'll call when she's late and she'll say she's on her way, then 3 hours later I call her and tell her to just forget about it.  This has happened twice. <strong> Should I just quit asking her for help? </strong> She says she wants to be involved but I do need to get things done and if she can't help me it'd be nice to know so I can ask someone else. The second problem I'm having is one of my BM's.  She is having financial difficulty, and I don't think she's ordered her dress yet.  <strong>I asked her beforehand if she was sure she could afford her own dress because I won't be able to help (paying for the wedding ourselves) and she said it wouldn't be a problem</strong>.  However, since then things have gotten worse for her.  I don't know how to approach the topic of making sure the dress is ordered?  The wedding is in 8 weeks and it takes 6-8 weeks for the dress to arrive - and she lives out of town. <strong> Is there a way of asking her that wouldn't sounding insensitive or making her feel bad? </strong> I would understand completely if she can't be in the wedding and I don't want her to feel like this is something she HAS to do. 
Posted by cyn1812000[/QUOTE]

<div>For your first question, yes, leave her alone, sadly she isn't interested in the many wedding things you have going on and she doesn't have to be. The best you can do is just leave anything as an open invitation, "hey MOH, was just going to do something wedding related. If you would like to join let me know, if have something else you need to do that is totally alright." But really unless she asks, I would just stop asking her to do stuff. I would however ask her if she just wants to hang out and do something non-wedding related because many times the only times the Bride hangs out with her friends is because of wedding stuff, so really try to just get some regular "girl time" to help balance stuff out.
</div><div>
</div><div>As for the other BM, it sounds to me that you didn't ask your BM budget which you really should have because asking if a dress is too expensive puts pressure on the BM to not let you down so she agrees with you. So you were in the wrong with doing that. As for the BM, if you really can't help her out with any part of the dress, you need to call her and let her know that the final date to order is X. If she doesn't order it, then she has removed herself from the WP. The only thing you could do is just let her buy a simple dress off the rack or see if the internet has the dress at a cheaper rate. Other then that, you two are stuck in this awkward position. </div>

cyn1812000

I didn't pick the BM dresses - I actually asked their budgets ahead of time and then they all agreed on several dresses in their price range and majority vote won.  That's why I feel a bit awkward now because it was a dress she picked herself and she's the last to order.  I guess I didn't say it right in my post, sorry about that.

And you're probably right - I just need to quit asking my MOH - or at least quit counting on her to be there when she says she will.

AutumnFair

Ah, thanks for clearing it up. 

Basically, unless you can compromise on finding the same dress online for cheaper or letting her get a different dress similar enough to the first then she is out of luck. Once again if you can't help her out at all then you just call her and say "hey, the last date to order the dress is X." She might tell you right then that she can't afford it and step down. Just reassure her that if you could help her you would and that you really hope to see her at the wedding (or if possible maybe make her a reader *not a GuestBook person, Bridal Attendant, or Program person*).

cyn1812000

thanks for the advice!