Moms and Maids

Selfish Bridesmaidzilla! (Sorry its Long) Help!

Ok, so I have decided to have two MOH’s because I have two best friends and love them both equally. I have a really large bridal party (10 BMs) and a lot of other close girl friends. When my MOH’s approached me about a possible bachelorette party I told them that I would be fine with whatever everyone thought was best (price, location, etc). I did suggest that I would love to go wine tasting but after they did their research they found that Vegas would be the cheapest route for a weekend extravaganza (it’s only a 4 hour drive for a majority of the girls). I wasn’t too fond of the idea but said if everyone was ok with it, that I was in. I also had asked that they NOT get a table at a club or do any stripper activities (that’s within my rights, right?). So the MOH took their Vegas ideas including hotel accommodations and a cabana at the pool, to the rest of the BM with estimated costs involved and they all agreed they were in. The formal invitation went out a month later (including finalized costs) and 14 girls RSVP-ed Yes.

Now let’s fast forward to now (1 month before my said bachelorette) after the hotels have been booked and the girls from out of town (also myself) have purchased their plane tickets. Now one of my MOH’s wants to back out of the cabana. She said she would still like to hang out in the cabana but that now she “cant afford” to pay for it and that she cant be “spending this much money on a bachelorette party” so maybe we should just cancel it. The only reason I am privied to this info is b/c she is calling the rest of the girls to try to get them to back out as well and they informed me. The funny thing is she keeps telling me about how fun the cabana is going be and how she got “such a great deal” with a bunch a free stuff. To add insult to injury this very MOH has been bragging to everyone about all the new swimsuits, dresses, shoes and accessories she has bought for the trip. The other funny thing is a couple of weekends ago we celebrated her birthday at the restaurant location of her choice and the amount of money us girls spent was close to that of the cabana (which we have for 8 hours vs. dinner for 1 hour).

I am not one of those brides that is demanding my BM to do anything. I had them pick the dress, didn’t require any special shoes, accessories, make-up or hair and have expressed that nothing is mandatory. That being said, I think that now cancelling the cabana will put a damper on the trip with no other planned activities I just wanted all my BM to be together and have a good time. The problem is that there is so many girls that it would be virtually impossible for us all to be at the pool together without the cabana and frankly the costs associated with the trip were clearly stated more than six months ago (she even planned it!). Not only that, all of the other girls keep telling me how they are so excited for the cabana and are really looking forward to it.

This isnt the first time she has caused drama regarding the wedding, as she has been extreamly difficult every step of the way and has yelled at others regarding the upcoming shower (including my Mom).

I know its not my business how people spend their money but do I have a right to be upset about her going behind my back and being so selfish ?

Im just hurt that one of my best friends would do this to me...

Re: Selfish Bridesmaidzilla! (Sorry its Long) Help!

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    She's still going on the trip, right?  She just won't be part of the cabana.  She's not being selfish, she's trying to stay within her budget.  It may have sounded do-able six months ago, but that was six months ago.  People's budgets change.  The bachelorette party is not a requirement for your bridesmaids, and she doesn't have to be there at all, so I'd just be grateful that she's traveling to Vegas in order to participate in your bachelorette party at all.



  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you're being a bridezilla. But you should let the girls work it out amongst themselves.

    If your MOH is saying she can no longer afford to pay her share for the cabana, you have to take her at her word- even if the reason for her budget problems is that she purchased a new wardrobe for the trip.

    I hope they are able to resolve the situation because it sounds like a lot of fun.
                       
  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd be annoyed that she's lying to me about 'how much fun the cabana is going to be!' when she's trying to cancel it behind my back and get everyone else to agree to that - probably only so that she doesn't look bad. but on the other hand... she doesn't wnat to look bad in front of you, her firend, or feel like she's the only one letting you down by not being able to afford the cabana.

    let them work it out amongst themselves. just stay above it, tell the girls that are telling you these things that you appreciate their concern but you are not involved in the planning and they need to figure things out.

    and also keep in mind that you're hearing about these things that she's saying secondhand, since she's telling you that she's totally into the cabana still, it sounds like. so who knows whats been lost in translation.
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