Moms and Maids

shower drama - need advice!

I could really use an objective opinion here – I am so stressed out about this I am my friend’s MOH, which I was so honored and excited about. She is super drama free, EXCEPT (and I’m not sure why) for her shower. A brief history of our turmoil: 1) She was super specific about what she wanted for the shower. I priced it out and it was WAY more than the two of us BMs can afford. When I had to go back and tell her, she wasnt willing to compromise (aka, cut the guest list or let us host it elsewhere). The solution is her mother will be helping with the bill. 2) We agreed on a tentative shower date ~12 months in advance. The following month I got engaged and set a date…a week after her shower. I tried to see if we could move the date to give me some breathing room, but by then her FMIL booked non-refundable plane tickets to come up to the shower. (When we planned the shower, the grooms family was not going to be in attendance.) So add 10 more people to that guest list… and she nixed the change in shower date.3) Another close friend of mine just set her own wedding date….the same date as the shower. My best friend is getting married; I want to throw her an AMAZING send off. Even as a host I have no control over this shower, and it will mean missing my other friend’s wedding. The shower is still seven months away…if you were in my shoes would you risk facing bridezilla wrath and ask to change the date? Skip the shower? Or suck it up and do as she commands?

Re: shower drama - need advice!

  • edited December 2011
    She shouldn't have to change her shower date to accommodate you, honestly.

    But a wedding is a bigger deal than a shower, and I wouldn't blame you for just not going.

    She might, though, given how demanding she was about the plans for the shower (which she absolutely shouldn't have been, but that's another issue entirely.)
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  • edited December 2011
    Why would you set a date for a bridal shower a year before the event? For my sister's wedding we did it in 3 months and had a lovely event at a nice venue.

    I also don't understand why someone would book plane tickets for a "tentative" date for a bridal shower already.

    Honestly though, the choice is yours regarding what seems to be more important to you. She doesn't seem, for your OP, like the type of person who is willing to compromise. Now it's just up to you whether you would like to attend the wedding or the shower.
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  • edited December 2011
    If the plane tickets are already bought, then changing  date of the shower would upset the FMIL. I would tell her you can't attend, but still want to help with the initial planning. I think a wedding is more important than a shower,  I hope your friend is understanding, and feels the same way.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Definitely, do not ask her to chang the date. That would be unfair to those who have made travel arrangements that they can't change.

    Your friend was wrong to demand a large, expensive shower that you can't afford. But her mom volunteered to help finance it and you agreed. And that gave MOB the right to participate in the planning. That dosn't really have anything to do with your dilemma, anyway.

    MOHs and bms are not required to attend all pre-wedding events. But since you have already committed to hosting this shower, I think you should attend. If it's possible to leave the shower early to attend the wedding (or vice versa), that would be the ideal solution.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    I'm confused. It seems like you knew about the shower date when you were looking at places for your wedding. If you knew that people were making plans for her shower on that date. Why would you set your wedding date that close to her already planned shower date if you didn't want them to be that close?
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  • ImmaB2BImmaB2B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for the perspective, everyone! I guess since I dont care much about my own shower I didnt understand why we had to lock hers down so far in advance. But the fact is, if she didnt lay the claim down when she did it would have been impossible to pick a date for her otherwise. So I will have to miss the other wedding (4 hrs away), but I did make my promise to her. I'm still a little upset about some of the way we handled the early shower planning, and that makes it hard for me when anything else comes up to make this shower less ideal for me (I know that's selfish). Anyways, this really helped me calm down. Thanks again.

    FutureJilliannD - I picked the last available date my venue had for 2011, hence the inopportune timing.
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