Moms and Maids
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Invite List

Anyone who has a mom who keeps deleting people off of your invite list? I keep talking to my mom and trying to get her help finding new last names and address of extended family members, and she keeps telling me NOT to invite anyone.
My wedding is about a 6 hour drive away from my family (and my mom HATES this). She knows I want to have a big wedding (which I'm paying for) and invite all my friends and family, but keeps saying that I shouldn't send invitations to almost all of my extended family because it would be 'rude to expect them to drive down there and take on that expense.'
Does anyone else have this problem? I thought it would be rude to NOT invite family members... what do you think?!?!?
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Re: Invite List

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    mgietler76mgietler76 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't have this problem but since you are paying for it you can invite whoever you want.

    If you don't tell your mom every detail and make your guest list unavailable to her than she can't say anything about it or delete people.

    As for getting the address' of relatives I would ask someone else liek a grandparent or just call and ask the person for their address.
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    jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_invite-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6298bb2c-6c87-4ccb-96f9-bfb3e9049f33Post:5d1518ca-16b0-405a-add4-10cee4898cf8">Re: Invite List</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't have this problem but since you are paying for it you can invite whoever you want. If you don't tell your mom every detail and make your guest list unavailable to her than she can't say anything about it or delete people. As for getting the address' of relatives I would ask someone else liek a grandparent or just call and ask the person for their address.
    Posted by mgietler76[/QUOTE]

    This.
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    edited December 2011
    Stop asking your Mom for help with the guest list.  If you're paying, you can invite whomever you want.
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    edited December 2011
    Since you're paying, you invite who you want. If people feel it's too far to travel then they will decline the invitation, it's not for your mother to decide. I have a lot of out-of-town extended family that I'm inviting to my wedding and if they want to take the four-hour plane trip then they will! I hope most of them do, because I don't see them very often!
    "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein
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    mgietler76mgietler76 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    FWIW FI's uncle, who is is step-mother's brother that he literally could not remember what he even looked like, is coming to the wedding in NY from CO. People will surprise you with how far they are willing to travel.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_invite-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6298bb2c-6c87-4ccb-96f9-bfb3e9049f33Post:a235ed1b-9bf5-493a-9247-6c376aa467a1">Invite List</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyone who has a mom who keeps deleting people off of your invite list? I keep talking to my mom and trying to get her help finding new last names and address of extended family members, and she keeps telling me NOT to invite anyone. My wedding is about a 6 hour drive away from my family (and my mom HATES this). She knows I want to have a big wedding (which I'm paying for) and invite all my friends and family, but keeps saying that I shouldn't send invitations to almost all of my extended family because it would be 'rude to expect them to drive down there and take on that expense.' Does anyone else have this problem? I thought it would be rude to NOT invite family members... what do you think?!?!?
    Posted by cmcurris[/QUOTE]
    You may have to do the legwork for this yourself and completely leave your mom out of it.  It almost sounds like she wants to punish you for choosing to have a wedding outside of your hometown and causing people to have to travel if they want to attend.  Remember, guests can choose if they want to travel for your wedding...it's their call, not your mom's.  Don't involve your mom in this, and if she brings it up again, let her know that it is you and your FI's decision and you hope she can respect that, and then refuse to discuss it anymore if she persists.

    Call or email family members, or private message relatives on FB to ask them for names and addresses.  I'm doing this for extended family whose new names and addresses my mom couldn't remember. 

    And FWIW, I don't think it's rude at all.  It's about a 5 hour drive from my hometown to where I currently live, which is also where we're getting married.  I come from a big family, so consequently most of my guest list is OOT and out-of-state.  My mom and brother would've liked to have seen the wedding in my hometown, but I didn't like the idea of having planning controlled by my family (even though FI and I are paying for the wedding). Also, planning it where I currently live would mean that more of my FI's small family (including his grandmother who is disabled) would be able to attend, and FI and I could plan the wedding easier and in accordance with our vision.  So far, most of my family plans on attending, even though it's a long car ride away. 
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    cmcurriscmcurris member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the advice! I never even thought of asking my aunts for help with the list (duh)!!!
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