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Moms and Maids

Problems with BMs and Dresses!

Oh, what to do??!!

My wedding is August 20, 2011. All five of my "regular" bridesmaids are on board to buy their dresses in about two weeks.  The store will wait until all their orders are placed before ordering the dresses from the manufacturer, but I've asked them to order within a few days of each other, just to make sure the dress style isn't discontinued (which might cause problems if some had already ordered and some had not).

However, I am having problems with my junior bridesmaid and also with our "groomswoman" (a female friend of my fiance who will stand on his side).

The biggest problem is with the Jr. BM (Hallie).  She is my FI's sister, and according to my FMIL, she is growing like a weed, both upward and outward (she's 8 years old).  FMIL does not want to order Hallie's dress yet because she is afraid that even if she orders it a size too big, Hallie will have outgrown it by August, and FMIL will have wasted money.  And if she orders it 2 sizes too big, it gets tricky because that puts her out of the junior bridesmaid sizes and into the regular bridesmaid sizes.  However, I'm worried that if she does not order with the other bridesmaids, her dress will be off-color, or the style may be discontinued completely by the time she goes to order.  I have had my heart set on these dresses since I got engaged in July, and plus, I know Hallie will be disappointed if she ends up not looking like the "big girls."

The other problem is with the "groomswoman."  She is unemployed and can't afford her dress in two weeks (even thought I've given her lots of notice that she will be needing to order this).  She seems to have no ambition to find a job, either.  I don't need to worry about the dye lot for her dress, because it will be a different color, but it will be the same style, and again, I don't want the style to get discontinued.

I was advised to order them now because they take up to 4 months to come in, so if there is a problem (like if the store orders the wrong color) and it takes 4 more months to get the correct version, that only leaves a month or two for alterations before the wedding.

I have thought about saying that if Hallie's dress doesn't fit her once we get closer to the wedding, then I will personally pay for her to get a new one, but at least we'll have a correct one in case it does fit.  I don't know what to do about the groomswoman... I'm sure ALL my bridesmaids would love for me to buy their dresses or loan them some money, but I'm on a tight budget too!  Now I'm worried that my wedding will be a clash of different dresses in different shades (which is fine for some people, but not for me).  What do I do??!!
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Re: Problems with BMs and Dresses!

  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Problems with BMs and Dresses!:
    [QUOTE]Oh, what to do??!! My wedding is August 20, 2011. All five of my "regular" bridesmaids are on board to buy their dresses in about two weeks.  The store will wait until all their orders are placed before ordering the dresses from the manufacturer, but I've asked them to order within a few days of each other, just to make sure the dress style isn't discontinued (which might cause problems if some had already ordered and some had not). However, I am having problems with my junior bridesmaid and also with our "groomswoman" (a female friend of my fiance who will stand on his side). The biggest problem is with the Jr. BM (Hallie).  She is my FI's sister, and according to my FMIL, she is growing like a weed, both upward and outward (she's 8 years old).  FMIL does not want to order Hallie's dress yet because she is afraid that even if she orders it a size too big, Hallie will have outgrown it by August, and FMIL will have wasted money.  And if she orders it 2 sizes too big, it gets tricky because that puts her out of the junior bridesmaid sizes and into the regular bridesmaid sizes.  However, I'm worried that if she does not order with the other bridesmaids, her dress will be off-color, or the style may be discontinued completely by the time she goes to order.  I have had my heart set on these dresses since I got engaged in July, and plus, I know Hallie will be disappointed if she ends up not looking like the "big girls." The other problem is with the "groomswoman."  She is unemployed and can't afford her dress in two weeks (even thought I've given her lots of notice that she will be needing to order this).  She seems to have no ambition to find a job, either.  I don't need to worry about the dye lot for her dress, because it will be a different color, but it will be the same style, and again, I don't want the style to get discontinued. I was advised to order them now because they take up to 4 months to come in, so if there is a problem (like if the store orders the wrong color) and it takes 4 more months to get the correct version, that only leaves a month or two for alterations before the wedding. I have thought about saying that if Hallie's dress doesn't fit her once we get closer to the wedding, then I will personally pay for her to get a new one, but at least we'll have a correct one in case it does fit.  I don't know what to do about the groomswoman... I'm sure ALL my bridesmaids would love for me to buy their dresses or loan them some money, but I'm on a tight budget too!  Now I'm worried that my wedding will be a clash of different dresses in different shades (which is fine for some people, but not for me).  What do I do??!!
    Posted by hanson2B[/QUOTE]

    Relax, and take a deep breath.  Then forget about ordering your dresses until Janurary or February.  Where are you ordering them from?  David's Bridal?  They are notorious for getting brides all bent out of shape about ordering right then or there.  Even if you aren't going there, a lot of salons will tell you the same thing because they all work on commission and want to get your sale.  And if the store orders the wrong dresses then that is there problem, and they are respsonsible for fixing it in time.  Also, alterations can easily be done within a few days if necessary.

    Your FMIL has very good reason not to want to order the dress now.  You will have a bigger issue if you order now and come the wedding it doesn't fit her at all and she can't order anything. 

    As for the groomswoman, her finances aren't your business, neither is looking for a job.  Even if you've been telling her for months to save up for the dress, if she just recently got laid off I'm sure she needs that money for other more important things, like rent and utilities.  How dare she not think of your wedding dress! 

    The fact that you have had your heart set on these dresses since July shouldn't be the sole reason you order them so early, or force people to order them against their wishes.  Even if for some reason they were discontinued, I'm sure you could find something similar.  A BM dress is not worth upsetting people and causing problems.  Your marriage will still be just as valid if they aren't in that dress.
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  • edited December 2011
    It's way too early to order dresses.  You should wait a couple more months for your WP to order dresses precisely because of discontinuation issues.

    For the most part, even if a style is recently discontinued, the manufacturer does typically have a similar style available.  Also, dye lots don't differ all that much...you're not going to have mismatched dresses.

    As far as your young FSIL is concerned, kids that age do grow fast, and your FMIL is right, it may be better to get the dress closer to the date. 

    Your groomswoman's finances and employment status aren't your business.  And you can't speak to what she does or doesn't do because it's safe to say you're not with her twenty-four hours a day.  So your judgment of her finances are irrelevant. 

    Typically groomsperson's attire is up to FI since it is his side.  That said, if groomswoman wanted to get the same dress in a different color, did you ask her budget before you chose the dress?  If you didn't, then that's kind of on you, and you/FI should make it affordable for her.  If it's just a matter of her needing a little more time to save up for the dress, just let her know the style and color, and let her know when deadlines are with the retailer, and then leave it at that.  She's an adult, she can be accountable for a dress, and if she chooses not to get it for reasons other than finances, she has taken herself out of the wedding and you can't control that.

    I can understand that your heart is set on these dresses, but make sure you also keep some perspective.  Is it about marrying your FI and having those you two care about most standing up there with you, or is it about having a particular look for your wedding?  Having a vision for your wedding is great, but make sure that life (which isn't always ideal) and the people you and FI care about are taken into account.
  • hanson2Bhanson2B member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No, not David's Bridal.

    You have good points on everything, except I'm still worried that the style will be discontinued.  I wish they would just tell you how long a style would be around.

    I also asked the store what happens if THEY make a mistake, and the saleslady  just looked scared and said that's why I need to order them early, so there would be time for corrections.

    I had already told the groomswoman not to worry about ordering her dress now.  I'm not making her worry about it or forcing her to buy it.  I was just trying to figure out if there was something I could do personally.  I only wrote that she doesn't seem to have much ambition to find a job, because I didn't want someone to post "oh, I bet she'll find a job soon, so don't worry!"  For all I know, she may be looking for a job.  She's his friend; I don't know her that well.


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  • hanson2Bhanson2B member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, that was in response to the first post.
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Problems with BMs and Dresses!:
    [QUOTE]No, not David's Bridal. You have good points on everything, except I'm still worried that the style will be discontinued.  I wish they would just tell you how long a style would be around. I also asked the store what happens if THEY make a mistake, and the saleslady  just looked scared and said that's why I need to order them early, so there would be time for corrections. I had already told the groomswoman not to worry about ordering her dress now.  I'm not making her worry about it or forcing her to buy it.  I was just trying to figure out if there was something I could do personally.  I only wrote that she doesn't seem to have much ambition to find a job, because I didn't want someone to post "oh, I bet she'll find a job soon, so don't worry!"  For all I know, she may be looking for a job.  She's his friend; I don't know her that well.
    Posted by hanson2B[/QUOTE]

    Do you have a picture of the dress?  It might be a very popular style that you could find if it were to get discontinued.  I just don't think a specific dress is reason enough to force people to order this early that don't want to. 

    Also, how do your BMs feel about the dress and the cost?  You've only said that you have your heart set on it, but didn't say what they thought of it.
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  • hanson2Bhanson2B member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Problems with BMs and Dresses!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Problems with BMs and Dresses! : Do you have a picture of the dress?  It might be a very popular style that you could find if it were to get discontinued.  I just don't think a specific dress is reason enough to force people to order this early that don't want to.  Also, how do your BMs feel about the dress and the cost?  You've only said that you have your heart set on it, but didn't say what they thought of it.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    It's an Alfred Angelo but it's a long style, and since short styles are more popular now, I'm worried it will go out.
    We're ordering from a discount store and all 7 girls involved had previously given approval of both the dress and the cost.  I think the issue is just that of course no one wants to WASTE money, and of course, the groomswoman has no job... but it's not like we weren't going to ask her to be in the bridal party just because of that, and she accepted, so she knew she would be buying this dress...
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If you really are dead set on ordering this dress now, then I think you need to give up on your FSIL and GW for now.  Since she would be standing on your FI's side people aren't going to notice if her color is slightly different, or if her dress ends up being different.  And your FSIL is only 8, so I would almost expect her to be in a different dress.  So if her color ends up different or in a different dress i don't think its the end of the world.

    I really think you need to settle one way or the other here.  Have everyone else order it now, and let the other 2 order when they are ready.  Of everyone in your WP, I think its completely fine and almost expected that the jrBM and GW are different.  So either settle on them being different, or settle on maybe getting a different dress.
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  • mrabbitomrabbito member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    wow. i'm aug 20, 2011 as well and no where near BM dress shopping.  I haven't even picked the BMs yet, nevermind the dresses!!

    Anyway, i think the suggestion of having the BMs order now and the jr and GW order later is a great solution.  If the jr and GW are in a different style i think that will be totally fine, and i really don't think dye lots are a big concern, has anyone ever really had an issue with dresses from different dye lots?!

    It kinda sounds like you had a pushy sales person trying to scare you into buying now now now now.  don't let that stress you out, she may have just needed the sale!  
  • ekilzer1ekilzer1 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am all for planning out in advance- trust me, my wedding is in November 2011 and I already have tons of items crossed off my list...


    But I think attire is something you need to wait on- It's just like everyone said, who knows if someone will gain weight, loose weight, get pregnant etc! Your JBM especially is growing like a weed. 

    Most places will order a dress in a short or long style based on your request....so you shouldn't have a huge issue... a lot of places will even order dresses "cut to length" so they are the exact length that you want based on where you want the dress to hit your BMS... 

    Good luck! 
  • edited December 2011
    Why don't you let the non-BMs buy different dresses?  That gives you more time to look, and complimentary dress in a complimentary color might help break up the matchy look of BMs.  

    And sales people always tell you that to sell you.  Yes, colors get discontinued, but I don't know of a single bridal color you can't find at another store elsewhere.  Do you buy stuff on TV when it says 'call in the next 30 minutes"?  It's the same trick.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    The saleswoman wants you to order the dresses now, because she doesn't want to loose the sale. She knows that the longer you wait, the better the chances are that you will look around and find something else. Don't let her pressure you.

    If all your bms, except fsil are willing to order their dresses this early, go ahead and order them. And hope that no one gets pregnant or gains/looses weight. The junior flower girl and groomswoman will be able to find something similar enough to their style at a later date. You can let your fi decide whether or not he wants to help the gw purchase her dress.

    Finally, if you are really insistent that everyone have the same style dress, then you should postpone ordering for another 6 months, at least. And who knows, you may fall in love with another dress by then.


                       
  • edited December 2011
    No matter what the styles are today, long dresses will always be around. even if your dress does get discontinued, there will be another similar style from the same designer or there'll be another designer that comes up., Just take a look in the bm dress gallery here and see all the dresses that are almost exactly the same cut from different designers.   
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  • edited December 2011
    You're ordering the dresses too early, probably due to a bridal store sales tactic.  There have been tons of posts on this very subject, brides scared that their dresses will be discontinued.  I hear that all. the. time.

    People change sizes all the time in a year.  The Mom of your "jr bridesmaid" is right, she's 8, she's going to grow in the next year.  I wouldn't want to order a dress yet either.
  • edited December 2011
    For the J-BM--can you order extra fabric with the BM dresses and have hers made closer to the wedding?  That way, her dress would be the same color, and it would fit.
    C+D, Four kids, two kids-in-law, four grandkids
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