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should i ask her to step down?

i am getting married in july and recently i found out a bridesmaid-"susan"-is telling people that her boyfriend of a few months and i have been cheating on my fiance and her together.

i know that the rules say that once asked i cannot kick someone out of the party. but i think that this is one of those rare circumstances.  i mean why would you want someone to stand with you who obviously does not support you and/or marriage.

what do you think?

Re: should i ask her to step down?

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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Have you actually spoken with "Susan" to get her side of the story?  If she is saying this about you and her BF then I would tell her to get the hell out.  This is one of those circumstances where you have a perfectly legit reason to end a friendship and not look like a bridezilla.  But, again, before you do anything you should talk with her first and hear it straight from her.  
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Jagore.  Ask Susan about this and weigh it against how reliable of sourceS you are hearing this from.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with you. That is one of those rare exceptions where it would be ok to kick her out  of your wedding party and your life. Just make absolutely sure that she really is saying those things, though.  Don't rely on reports from a third party.
                       
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-ask-her-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6521b712-991b-4bb3-909d-112ef239f26ePost:33a95124-a638-4017-a168-9ea438dab5fa">should i ask her to step down?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i am getting married in july and recently i found out a bridesmaid-"susan"-is <strong>telling people that her boyfriend of a few months and i have been cheating on my fiance and her together</strong>. i know that the rules say that once asked i cannot kick someone out of the party. but i think that this is one of those rare circumstances.  i mean why would you want someone to stand with you who obviously does not support you and/or marriage. what do you think?
    Posted by DEBRIDE11[/QUOTE]

    Are you?

    If you aren't, and it turns out she really is saying these things, I'd personally consider it a dealbreaker for the friendship, and her participation in the wedding would cease as you would no longer be friends. 
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The only times you can kick a bridesmaid are if she 1) sleeps with your FI or 2) does something illegal.  I think this falls under the umbrella of #1.  Just definitely get this directly from her before you do anything.
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    redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am not sure I believe this is a real post. I am pretty sure there was just another post either on this board or another from a new TK member who states the same things about understanding you are not supposed to ask wp members to step down etc. I think someone is just trying to find out how bad things need to be before they can ask someone to step down. i call MUD
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    edited December 2011
    redhead-what does mud mean?  I have been trying to figure that out!  TIA
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    lalap69lalap69 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sept - MUD = made up drama

    OP - talk to your friend.  If she's saying these things and you're not cheating, then I think it's pretty evident that it's going to be the end of your friendship.  In which case, why would she be in your WP anymore?  You're not longer friends.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    MUD = made up drama

    I don't think it's MUD - some people are just crazy!

    Clearly, I think you know what to do - this isn't middle school and we shouldn't go off "he said, she said" so go to the source.  Talk to her, let her know that you heard she said this and you were really hurt.  See how she responds.  If she admits she said that, ask her why she feels that you and her BF would do something like that.  If she denies saying it, then you're in a conundrum - it's her word against someone else's. 

    Are you willing to believe the other person who told you that she said these things, enough to end your friendship with her (and likely her BF)?  Because unless he breaks up with her, he's likely going to take her side in however the chips fall.  So not only would you be kicking her out of your wedding party and losing her as a friend (which isn't a big deal if she's heinous enough to spread a *presumably untrue* rumor like this), but you will also lose her BF as a friend if he takes her side.  That is, if you're friends with him at all to begin with.

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    edited December 2011
    Cal and Lala Thanks!
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-ask-her-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6521b712-991b-4bb3-909d-112ef239f26ePost:33a95124-a638-4017-a168-9ea438dab5fa">should i ask her to step down?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i am getting married in july and recently i found out a bridesmaid-"susan"-is telling people that her boyfriend of a few months and i have been cheating on my fiance and her together. i know that the rules say that once asked i cannot kick someone out of the party. but i think that this is one of those rare circumstances.  i mean why would you want someone to stand with you who obviously does not support you and/or marriage. what do you think?
    Posted by DEBRIDE11[/QUOTE]
    Did you get this from her, or is this something you heard from someone else?  Verify if she's actually been saying this.  If she has, I think I'd want to end the friendship, which would also put her out of the wedding.<div>
    </div><div>But again, verify what you heard.  It wouldn't be the first time on these boards that I've heard of one BM started a nasty rumor about another to get her kicked out of the wedding.</div>
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    edited December 2011
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    andekittenandekitten member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Okay, I have to ask, does anyone else think this is a crazy lie to tell?  Say I'm crazy and I want to start drama I'm not going to tell people my boyfriend, who I'm still with, cheated on me with my good friend, who's wedding I'm still in.  It just wouldn't make sense.  I'd look like an idiot.  I think, unless you heard her say this, that you should give her the benefit of the doubt.  Justs seems a little to crazy for a good friend to be like this all of a sudden.  The lie just seems more negative to her than anything.
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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I second MUD.

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    edited December 2011
    OP, as PPs have said, talk to your friend.  Find out if she's saying it, and if she is, find out why.

    And if after you know for sure, you're willing to end the friendship (and I can't say I'd blame you, if this is true), then I can see kicking her out of the wedding party.

    Hopefully it's all a big misunderstanding.
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    edited December 2011
    If it's true, boot her.
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    edited December 2011
    It sounds like she is a little jealous you are getting married before her. She is trying to ruin your marriage before it begins. Stir clear of her and her drama.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Retread - you already said that.  This is a 2 week old post that Joiner dragged up from the dead.

    Joiner, you've been around these forums since July - if a thread hasn't been posted on for more than 3 days, then usually it's best to not respond unless you have something significant to add.  And I have yet to see you add anything significant.

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-ask-her-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6521b712-991b-4bb3-909d-112ef239f26ePost:ada122c0-8067-4fd9-ae49-77f477aa48df">Re: should i ask her to step down?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It sounds like she is a little jealous you are getting married before her. She is trying to ruin your marriage before it begins. <strong>Stir clear of her</strong> and her drama.
    Posted by joiner521[/QUOTE]

    STIR clear?  Really?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    AmusingBrideAmusingBride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    tIn Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-ask-her-step-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6521b712-991b-4bb3-909d-112ef239f26ePost:acfc0a58-e27f-45df-8501-c8a4566a7f6d">Re: should i ask her to step down?</a>:
    [QUOTE]MUD
    Posted by taniamarie44[/QUOTE]

    ?? Troll posting MUD on another possible MUD? Did we forget to sign out of our AE?
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