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Sister/MOH

ktworkmanktworkman member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I need advice.  I asked my sister to be my MOH because I figured that was the way it should be.  She is younger than me and eloped for her wedding so I was not asked to be her MOH. 

She now has a 9 month old and has informed me that she can't plan my bachelorette party or bridal shower because she doesn't have time since she has a baby.  She doesn't work either.  She recenlty told me that she may not even have time to try on bridesmaides dresses when I see her over the holidays because her life depends on him.  I understand she is busy with a new baby but I need some support here!  I'm really hurt by her blowing me off like this and refusing to help me and plan anything for me.  What is the point of a MOH who doesn't do a thing except make me upset?  What should I do?
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Re: Sister/MOH

  • samanthajohnsonsamanthajohnson member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I feel your pain. I too have asked my sister to be my MOH, she has a 12 month old and she lives in a different province. She could not make it to try on dresses so me and my 2 other BM's went shopping ourselves and found the dress. I asked my sister to go to a seamstress and get measured then I ordered her dress according to the measurements she gave me. She has to take it or leave it. She has no choice if she decides not to participate. I am having a hard time with the bachelorette party as well. I would REALLY like my sister to be there; however, she has decided that she will only be coming into town the week prior to my wedding which doesnt give much time. So I am leaving the planning up to my 2 oth BM's. I had a chat over the phone with my sister and told her I understood she couldnt be here for me with every aspect of the planning, etc but I really wanted her to still be in my wedding party. So since it's very important to me that my sister is still my MOH I told her I didnt expect anything from her except for her to slip into the dress I picked and be there for me on the day of my wedding. I have to accept this and so does she. So my advise to you is... if it is very important to you that your sister be your MOH, then accept that she can't be there for you with everything, and be up front with her. If it is not very important to you that she is in your wedding party and you have other family or friends who you think would be much more honoured to be in your party then I would remove your sister and let someone else have the duties.
    Hope this helps...

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  • andekittenandekitten member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Sadly, there is not much you can do at this point.  She's your sister and you've already asked her so it would be very difficult to go back on that now.  It sucks having someone in your wedding party who is not excited about stuff and isn't willing to help out but you have to remember that they don't have to do that stuff.  I, personally, would never agree to be in a wedding if I wasn't really excited about it and wanted to do whatever I could to make the bride's day better but not everyone has the time, energy or desire to do that.  Hopefully another bridesmaid will step up and plan the shower and bachelorette party but unfortunately there is not a lot you can do about your sister at this point.  I might talk to her about the dress and see if maybe she could take the baby with you guys to look at at least one shop since she may want some inout on the dress she is going to be wearing but if she says no then I would just try to go with a different bridesmaid and send her pictures of dresses you like, if she's interested.  I'm in a similar situation with my MOH and I know how frustrating and sad it can be to have the people closest to you not feel as excited about your big day as you but you shouldn't let it drag you down.  It's still your day and you should be excited about it.  Try not to let her inability to help get you down.  It does suck but there's nothing you can do about it now but try to focus on more positive things. 

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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You cannot remove your sister from MOH without seriously damaging your relationship.

    Showers and bachelorettes are gifts, not requirements. No matter what her family situation is like, a MOH is never required to throw multiple parties. It's likely someone else will throw at least one of them for you.

    Also, she may not be blowing you off, but may be just insanely busy with a baby and the fact tha the holidays are often crazy. Just because she isn't formally employed does not mean she necessarily has tons of extra time. When did you ask her to try on dresses over the holidays? If you JUST asked her, that's late notice for ANYONE to plan something during the holidays, especially if you had to arrange child care.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:be059e7b-3bd2-4a1a-90d3-1ef2d69727c9">Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need advice.  I asked my sister to be my MOH because I figured that was the way it should be.  She is younger than me and eloped for her wedding so I was not asked to be her MOH.  She now has a 9 month old and has informed me that she can't plan my bachelorette party or bridal shower because she doesn't have time since she has a baby.  She doesn't work either.  She recenlty told me that she may not even have time to try on bridesmaides dresses when I see her over the holidays because her life depends on him.  I understand she is busy with a new baby but I need some support here!  I'm really hurt by her blowing me off like this and refusing to help me and plan anything for me.  <strong>What is the point of a MOH who doesn't do a thing except make me upset?  What should I do?</strong>
    Posted by ktworkman[/QUOTE]

    Once again, a MOH and bridesmaids are not picked based on how much they can do for you in planning your wedding and parties. They are chosen because the Bride wants to honor them and their relationship.

    She has a baby and so is a full time mom, unless you have children you have no idea how much work it is to take care of a little baby. I used to nanny in the summer and let me tell you it is not an easy task, taking care of a infant and young children is a very draining job. So for her to worry about your wedding stuff is not worth it to her and I don't blame her.

    You need to recognize that she is not going to host parties for you, and she does...not...have...to, anyone can host a Bridal Shower or Bachelorette Party if they want but no one is required. If no one wants to throw one for you, that sucks but that is the way it is, there a lots and lots of Bride here on boards and just around the world that don't get parties.

    As for the dresses, ask for her budget and look for dresses without her if she doesn't want to come because she is too busy. Once you picked something out within her budget (as well as the other BMs budgets), tell her where and when to order it.

    Once again, no WP member has to be interested in your wedding, no one is required to throw you parties, etc. The ONLY purpose of WP is just to honor people who you love.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:92fbaaa0-24b0-4297-b6d7-e88a0c98c654">Re: Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel your pain. I too have asked my sister to be my MOH, she has a 12 month old and she lives in a different province. She could not make it to try on dresses so me and my 2 other BM's went shopping ourselves and found the dress. I asked my sister to go to a seamstress and get measured then I ordered her dress according to the measurements she gave me. She has to take it or leave it. She has no choice if she decides not to participate. I am having a hard time with the bachelorette party as well. I would REALLY like my sister to be there; however, she has decided that she will only be coming into town the week prior to my wedding which doesnt give much time. So I am leaving the planning up to my 2 oth BM's. I had a chat over the phone with my sister and told her I understood she couldnt be here for me with every aspect of the planning, etc but I really wanted her to still be in my wedding party. So since it's very important to me that my sister is still my MOH I told her I didnt expect anything from her except for her to slip into the dress I picked and be there for me on the day of my wedding. I have to accept this and so does she. <strong>So my advise to you is... if it is very important to you that your sister be your MOH, then accept that she can't be there for you with everything, and be up front with her. If it is not very important to you that she is in your wedding party and you have other family or friends who you think would be much more honoured to be in your party then I would remove your sister and let someone else have the duties.</strong> Hope this helps...
    Posted by samanthajohnson[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry but this is just TERRIBLE advice. Just because OP sister is busy and uninterested in OP wedding does NOT merrit being demote/fire/kick out whatever you want to call it. Kicking or demoting someone is a BAD move and is viewed to many as being a Bridezilla. So I highly recommend you get a reality check of what a BM/MOH s because it does NOT mean that they have to have duties like planning OP's wedding, the only person who is responsible for that is the OP and her FI.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I answered your post on the pre-wedding parties board.  You probably won't care for my reply. 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • ktworkmanktworkman member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I actually do!  Thanks, I needed those kinds of perspectives, that's why I asked for them.  Reality checks help once in a while!
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  • orangecrush32orangecrush32 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You just need to take a deep breath and remember that no one will be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI. She has a baby now and that is who her world revolves around. Your wedding isn't even close to being her top priority, nor should it be. As long as she buys the dress, shows up, and holds your flowers the day of, she's fulfiling her "duties". There's nothing to be done about this situation except to take a breath and calm yourself.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I hope you asked your sister to be your MOH because you love her. The MOH is not required to throw any showers or parties for you, or help you plan your wedding. And you should never, ever ask anyone to throw a party for you.

                       
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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:38364f6c-8144-4ce1-9c5a-d11e55f11974">Re: Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]I actually do!  Thanks, I needed those kinds of perspectives, that's why I asked for them.  Reality checks help once in a while!
    Posted by ktworkman[/QUOTE]

    (((Applause))) for you OP

    Your sister is busy.  She is still deserving of the title of MOH.  She has not failed you or done anything wrong.  In addition she's being honest with you about what to expect from her.  Don't kick her out of the WP.  I think you've already decided not to though!  Good for you for listening.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:38364f6c-8144-4ce1-9c5a-d11e55f11974">Re: Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]I actually do!  Thanks, I needed those kinds of perspectives, that's why I asked for them.  Reality checks help once in a while!
    Posted by ktworkman[/QUOTE]

    My respect for you has just increased as much and as quickly as the Grinch's heart grew.  =)

    Stick around, and come visit the Wedding Party board.  It's a nice, if "tough love" giving group of women.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • courtney1188courtney1188 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Does she still WANT to be MOH? I'm not saying you should remove her, but if she's complaining about not having time for it, it makes me wonder if she's trying to tell you that she doesn't really want to be MOH.
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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My sister is my MOH and lives on the other side of the country. She's flying in 3 days before the wedding. I won't see her once between now and then. Ya, it sucks she won't be at my shower, but she'll be at the wedding standing up next to me and that is the important part. You need to adjust your attitude towards your sister and her MOH "duties". She has none other than to be there. If you come at this with a different attitude towards the situation, maybe she'll be more excited and you'll be happier.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    habs:  read the entire thread.  OP realized that she was wrong, and thanked people for the reality check. 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • sarahebrownsarahebrown member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I totally feel your pain girl!! Both my MOH & Bridemaid are preggo and due right before the wedding. They have also both informed me that they don't have any time to help either. After the initial hurt, I just had to take some deep breaths and move on. All you can do is focus on you and your man. Try to brush the drama aside and know that you can do it all without their help. We brides ARE superwomen!

    I think the hardest part about this planning process is not feeling like those who are closest to you aren't supporting you. I haven't found a solution, but a martini helps! :)
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  • sarahebrownsarahebrown member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just wanted to say, I don't agree whatsoever with this comment:

    Brides and grooms do not need "support". Nothing about a wedding needs "support." You need "support" when a tragedy occurs, and a wedding is a happy time. People don't need "support" or others to "be there for them" when they are happy.  It's a celebration, and the reception is a party. Anyone who needs "support" to plan a party is going about it entirely the wrong way.

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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:abbd3f6e-f062-44c7-a8f1-1dd4e7963d7b">Re: Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just wanted to say, I don't agree whatsoever with this comment: Brides and grooms do not need "support". Nothing about a wedding needs "support." You need "support" when a tragedy occurs, and a wedding is a happy time. People don't need "support" or others to "be there for them" when they are happy.  It's a celebration, and the reception is a party. Anyone who needs "support" to plan a party is going about it entirely the wrong way.
    Posted by sarahebrown[/QUOTE]

    It really depends on what you mean when you say "support". And with a wedding, yes it IS a happy time but it's amazing how many little things (like stressful family relations) can make ANY person need some support. Plus, with a million details and more of us budget brides putting our hand to DIY projects, it's very nice when your WP is willing to "support" and help you with that. Of course, it's not necessary or required, but to me... that's kind of what friends are for. If your friends see you struggling or stressing with something and they just sit on the sidelines watching and not lending a helping hand or word of encouragement, they probably wouldn't be your friend for very long.

    I think that there's been a backlash against Bridezilla's, which I totally agree with (the girls on that show are appalling), but it's gone a little too far in the other direction imo. The bride should not be catering to the needs of the BMs anymore than they should be catering to her needs... however, mutual respect and support is part of any good friendship and so I don't see why it wouldn't be part of a good WP.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree that NO Bride and Groom needs support when it comes to PLANNING. Sorry Brides but if you need support in planning then you are taking on TOO much for yourselves be it have a million small details or DIY projects. If you can't manage your time wisely enough that it is stressing yourself out then you need to cut it out completely or pay for someone to do it. Once again it is NOT your friend's or family's job to "have" to volunteer because "you want or need them to". Weddings should never make a person go crazy over little details where your friends "have" or "need" to come in to support you.

    Now if you are having problems like "I'm having second thoughts about marrying FI", then THERE is a fair excuse to need support from friends and family. So other then actual second thoughts about marrying the person, wedding planning should not be so stressful that you need "support" from friends and family. A wedding is a couple's choice to have a party, you can easily be married with zero stress by going to the JOP. So if your wedding planning is overwhelming you, you need to take a step back and reevaluate the situation of "is this DIY project or XX detail worth my sanity?"
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  • sarahebrownsarahebrown member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:edc8a4f8-6338-46f4-9672-79c938cbb15f">Re: Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree that NO Bride and Groom needs support when it comes to PLANNING. Sorry Brides but if you need support in planning then you are taking on TOO much for yourselves be it have a million small details or DIY projects. If you can't manage your time wisely enough that it is stressing yourself out then you need to cut it out completely or pay for someone to do it. Once again it is NOT your friend's or family's job to "have" to volunteer because "you want or need them to". Weddings should never make a person go crazy over little details where your friends "have" or "need" to come in to support you. Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

    I really don't agree. There are many details involved in putting together a wedding day event. Some brides are not as DIY saavy and may need the help of others with completing certain tasks. They also may not have the budget to just "pay someone to do it". It's not just about time management, it's about the joy of working together to make a very special day for everyone, not just the bride and groom. It sounds like you are very sure of what you, as a bride, can handle. But that doesn't give you the right to pass judgement on others who want to include their family and friends in the process. Just sayin.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:084e2dcb-4fbb-40e3-9c04-51f47d95d213">Re: Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister/MOH : I really don't agree. There are many details involved in putting together a wedding day event. Some brides are not as DIY saavy and may need the help of others with completing certain tasks. They also may not have the budget to just "pay someone to do it". It's not just about time management, it's about the joy of working together to make a very special day for everyone, not just the bride and groom. It sounds like you are very sure of what you, as a bride, can handle. But that doesn't give you the right to pass judgement on others who want to include their family and friends in the process. Just sayin.
    Posted by sarahebrown[/QUOTE]
    It's just a party.  Really.  It's not that complicated.  There's an entire industry out there dedicated to making you think that it's horribly complicated and stressful (so you'll buy their products to help you out, natch) but really, it's not.  Again, if it's gotten past the point of what you and your FI can handle on your own and you can't afford to hire help, then scale it back.  All it takes to be married is two consenting adults and a marriage license, everything else is extra.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:084e2dcb-4fbb-40e3-9c04-51f47d95d213">Re: Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister/MOH : I really don't agree. There are many details involved in putting together a wedding day event<strong>. </strong>Some brides are not as DIY saavy and may need the help of others with completing certain tasks. They also may not have the budget to just "pay someone to do it". It's not just about time management, it's about the joy of working together to make a very special day for everyone, not just the bride and groom. It sounds like you are very sure of what you, as a bride, can handle. But that doesn't give you the right to pass judgement on others who want to include their family and friends in the process. Just sayin.
    Posted by sarahebrown[/QUOTE]

    Once again, if you can not handle or can not afford to organize time to do stuff yourself or pay someone to do it for you then you do... not... need... it for your wedding. Family and friends should never, I mean never be "required" or "have" to help you with your wedding stuff. I know there are a lot of people who love to do wedding things for the Bride and Groom because they want to be involve or just like to do that sort of thing annd that's great, I always love help creating stuff for friends and family weddings.  But to think that you "need" people to help/support you for your wedding is not the right mind set. Again, it is up to the Bride and Groom to plan their wedding because all it is a party that they wanted to share with everyon, so it should be their responsibilty and no one elses to plan it. If the Bride and Groom can't handle doing all the "details" themselves, they either need to scale back, or pay for someone to do it. Like Aerin said, all it takes is going to JOP to officially be married, whatever you do is "extra" and the only person responsible in planning (along with DIY stuff) is the Bride & Groom.

     I'm not here to be a witch to Brides, I'm just trying to enlighten them that they should not ever complain or be bitter about people like their BMs or family not being involve or helping them because really it is only the Bride and Groom that are responsible for their party, the "extra" thing they wanted to do when they decided to get married.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:084e2dcb-4fbb-40e3-9c04-51f47d95d213">Re: Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister/MOH : I really don't agree. There are many details involved in putting together a wedding day event. Some brides are not as DIY saavy and may need the help of others with completing certain tasks. <strong>Then you leave out those tasks.</strong> <strong> No one says a wedding has to have elaborate CP's. or pocketfold invitations, or handmade rolled truffles for favors.</strong> <strong> There isn't a requirement to have menu cards on a table, or personalized table numbers, or some elaborate escort cards.  Skip the bathroom baskets, fancy guestbook, etc.

    Those are things that Martha Stewart and the other wedding magazines and websites have made "requirements" for a successful wedding.  And they're just not.  If you can't do those things, then skip them.  I can promise you that 99% of your guests won't give a flip if there's a menu card at their seat, or programs at the ceremony.</strong>

    They also may not have the budget to just "pay someone to do it". <strong>Then again, skip them.  If you can't do them without "stress" and you can't afford to pay someone, then you have to weigh your time and energy vs. the importance of whatever it is that's upsetting you.</strong>

    It's not just about time management, it's about the joy of working together to make a very special day for everyone, not just the bride and groom. <strong>Who working together?  Because your wedding, while the most important thing on your plate, ranks about 479th on other people's, including your WP.  I have to say that tying little bows on favors does not bring me joy, even if it's for a friend.</strong>

     It sounds like you are very sure of what you, as a bride, can handle.<strong>That should be the goal for every birde.  Do what you and your FI can handle yourselves.  Then if others OFFER to help, great.  But if they don't, you don't have a meltdown.</strong>

     But that doesn't give you the right to pass judgement on others who want to include their family and friends in the process. <strong>Asking others to do busy work projects so that you don't have to do them yourself or pay someone to them is not "including" anyone in your wedding.  It's hiring them without compensation.</strong>

    Just sayin. <strong>Just sayin</strong>'.
    Posted by sarahebrown[/QUOTE]
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • mrsjustinm2bmrsjustinm2b
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    yeah....on a different wave though, I don't think I would accept being a BM or MOH without making a little time to help out at least in some way to honor and celebrate my friend who is starting a marriage.

    Of course as a crafter the idea of bows ribbons and glue gun gets me all twitterpated :P....but as much as its a good idea to minimize your stress for planning I think that its just as easy for bridal party members to do the same.

    My little sister is my MOH and is struggling with mental illness. Although she is recovering and is excited about the wedding, when I heard she was a bit worried about planning me a shower (she doesnt so well with crowds and bitchy hens and there are a few in my family) I made it pretty clear that she wasnt expected to throw one for me....that the wedding is the party and that it was so cool that she thought of it tho. My mom informs me on the downlow that instead if the big traditional shower she is planning an afternoon tea for our moms, grandmas and the WP. Tea, cookies, scrabble and some good bonding time with the girls is cheap, easy and it really thoughtful without being that time consuming.

    Just my humble opinion, but I would kind of give the side eye to someone who accepts being someones bridesmaid or MOH and then refuses to do ANYTHING, as much as to someone who expects a crazy lavish shower.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would not side eye anyone, because there are so many reason WHY the BM/MOH is not doing anything. Here a few scenarios.

    The BM/MOH is out of town.

    The BM/MOH is busy with their life like work and school (my cousin fall under this category, she is workaholic and full time student).

    The BM/MOH is wedding out and not interested in CONSTANT wedding talk or only hears from her friend (the Bride) when she WANTS her to do wedding stuff.


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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b05435d-64cd-4673-9790-1c46a23e0a9fPost:a9891027-8694-4d23-afe1-c8603b67af6e">Re: Sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]yeah....on a different wave though, I don't think I would accept being a BM or MOH without making a little time to help out at least in some way to honor and celebrate my friend who is starting a marriage. Of course as a crafter the idea of bows ribbons and glue gun gets me all twitterpated :P....but as much as its a good idea to minimize your stress for planning I think that its just as easy for bridal party members to do the same. My little sister is my MOH and is struggling with mental illness. Although she is recovering and is excited about the wedding, when I heard she was a bit worried about planning me a shower (she doesnt so well with crowds and bitchy hens and there are a few in my family) I made it pretty clear that she wasnt expected to throw one for me....that the wedding is the party and that it was so cool that she thought of it tho. My mom informs me on the downlow that instead if the big traditional shower she is planning an afternoon tea for our moms, grandmas and the WP. Tea, cookies, scrabble and some good bonding time with the girls is cheap, easy and it really thoughtful without being that time consuming. Just my humble opinion, but <strong>I would kind of give the side eye to someone who accepts being someones bridesmaid or MOH and then refuses to do ANYTHING</strong>, as much as to someone who expects a crazy lavish shower.
    Posted by mrsjustinm2b[/QUOTE]
    In addition to Autumn's theories, she might just not like weddings or crafting or any of that crap.  If the bride isn't looking forward to addressing invitations or tying favor bows, what makes her think her friends are going to leap at the chance to do so?
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • mrsjustinm2bmrsjustinm2b
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    There are legit reasons of course, but seriously if a friend asked if you would be able to help her out would't that be worth an hour or so of your time if youre not OOT??  I understand that not everyone cares about my wedding, but I would hope that my friends would be the least a bit interested or excited enough to ask about it occasionally, esp. if they are in the WP. Really how often does someone get married and if what's really going on is that her friends just can't be bothered to even go and look for a dress to wear, to me that would really say "I don't care about your wedding at all and I am not interested in this big event in your life that I have agreed to be a part of." It's one thing to say yes to being a BM and then to be busy everyone is busy these days, but how bout telling your friend/sister when WILL work for you?
    The OP said her sister stated that" she may not even have time to try on bridesmaides dresses when I see her over the holidays because her life depends on him." Well your childs life depends on you for a very very long time.
    So does that mean she will never make herself available at anytime whatsoever to try on  dress for her sisters wedding in which she is the MOH? Did I miss a memo that a baby isnt allowed in stores?? If the bare minimum to be a BM is to show up clean and sober and in the dress, when a BM won't even take an hour to try on a few dresses that says to me either something really serious is going on that needs attention (And being a close enough friend to ask someone to be my BM would probably mean I would know somthing about it already) or that the person has no interest in my day and really doesn't want to take part...thats fine but I don't have time to chase people around down about dresses either. For the amount of times most of my friends (some of who are moms) go try on clothes I think going to try them on with me might be in the schedule. And if you're not interested in being my BM SAY NO THANK YOU. I will not hate you and I will not die

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  • ckonidakckonidak member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Can I just say that I was very naive when I came to these boards. Not that I expected slaves out of my WP, but I did think I'd get more help from them. After reading many posts on the subject, I felt like an idiot. These posts make absolute sense now that I'm the one planning a wedding. Of course I don't want to tie ribbons and address a bazillion envelopes (and I'm the freaking bride!) WHY ON EARTH did I ever think my BM's wanted to do those things. I have to say, it's hard advice to hear, but most of the time the reactions here are pretty spot on.   Good friend or not, if I don't want to do it, I don't know why I thought someone else would want to...   (sorry if that was a bit of a run on thought... I'm multitasking)
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  • 362011362011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As i read your message i am shocked that someone you love and adore enough to be present and announced as not only a maid but a maid of honor( there it is the key word honor) at your wedding is being so selfish and concerned with their own responsibilities as a mother which may i add never goes away ! to be apart of your big day. Note that was suppose to come out in one breath ! I honestly  think that we as brides should have a MOH that helps with all crafts plan all parties and still beable to have dinner on the table before six. ILL BE BOTH OF YALL MOH : ) ALL THE WAY FROM TX if you ever need someone to vent to email me as long as you can listen too nlblackdiamond@yahoo.com
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