BM Dilemma HELP (Little Long, Sorry)

JessicaN1012

I asked 5 girls to be my bridesmaids. It is 10 and a half weeks from my wedding and 3 still have not ordered their dresses. I dont know what to do bc they keep coming up with excuses. HELP!!!! I need advice. I had several dresses to choose from (bc each girl is wearing a different one) but I have pretty much choose which dress each girl will have now... I just need them ordered. I cant pay for their dresses myself nor do I know their sizes. Do I ask them to get it done or else they wont be able to be in the wedding OR do I let it go and if its not ordered in time then have a tacky wedding bc they wear what they have?
I dont want a tacky, unorganized wedding. But I feel bad to be stern. I tried to be stern today and nothing got accomplished. Others have said Im being a bridezilla but how is that when I havent been mean the slightest bit? Ive also been told to give them time and let them go at their own pace but anyone planning a wedding knows that at the 10 week mark, there isnt too much room for giving time. :'( Im so confused and depressed as well as stressed. PLEASE PLEASE PLESE HELP!!!!!

kellya01

If the 3 wear what they have, the other 2 will feel as though their funds were wasted... personally I'd tell them that the dresses need X weeks to come in, and I hope that they'll order the dresses in time.  You don't need to be like a mom by saying "sweetie did you order your dress yet? tell me when you order your dress" ... but I think if you just lay the details out clearly about time the dresses will take to come in (etc) they will get the picture without you giving them the mom lecture.

Best of luck... 

GeauxTigers17

I agree with Kelly. Give them the deadline, and then let them handle it. If they don't order the dresses, they've effectively removed themselves from the wedding party. Since you can't make another adult do anything and harping on them may make it worse as well as damage your friendship, it's pretty much your only option.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-dilemma-little-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b5a60df-7429-4847-b746-37b1188c8dfePost:a6b6d5a8-66bb-4fe7-a052-95b7610ce5ff">BM Dilemma HELP (Little Long, Sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked 5 girls to be my bridesmaids. It is 10 and a half weeks from my wedding and 3 still have not ordered their dresses. I dont know what to do bc they keep coming up with excuses. HELP!!!! I need advice. I had several dresses to choose from (bc each girl is wearing a different one) but I have pretty much choose which dress each girl will have now... I just need them ordered. I cant pay for their dresses myself nor do I know their sizes. Do I ask them to get it done or else they wont be able to be in the wedding OR do I let it go and if its not ordered in time then have a tacky wedding bc they wear what they have? I dont want a tacky, unorganized wedding. But I feel bad to be stern. I tried to be stern today and nothing got accomplished. Others have said Im being a bridezilla but how is that when I havent been mean the slightest bit? Ive also been told to give them time and let them go at their own pace but anyone planning a wedding knows that at the 10 week mark, there isnt too much room for giving time. :'( Im so confused and depressed as well as stressed. PLEASE PLEASE PLESE HELP!!!!!
Posted by JessicaN1012[/QUOTE]

<div>Is there a reason why each need a different dress or did you mean they have a choice of 10 different dresses?</div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, you just need to call the store and ask when the last day is to order the dress (with and without express shipping fees). Then call the ones up and say, "hey BM, I called the store and the very last day to order is X". After that it is up to them to get the dress. If they don't order it, then they have taken themselves out of the wedding (unless you let the choose something off the rack). Just tell them once about the very last day to order and leave it at that. Don't drive yourself crazy if they can't get the dress. Just understand that they hit some financial difficulty and they just can't afford the dress.  </div>

ootmother2

You've done all you can.  If they don't get the dresses ordered, they are removing themselves from the wedding.  Sucks, but it is what it is.

kayakrunhike

No dress = them not being in the WP.  Pass on that info, and then let it go.  They will make the decision themselves.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-dilemma-little-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b5a60df-7429-4847-b746-37b1188c8dfePost:a6b6d5a8-66bb-4fe7-a052-95b7610ce5ff">BM Dilemma HELP (Little Long, Sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked 5 girls to be my bridesmaids. It is 10 and a half weeks from my wedding and 3 still have not ordered their dresses. I dont know what to do bc they keep coming up with excuses. HELP!!!! I need advice. I had several dresses to choose from (bc each girl is wearing a different one) but I have pretty much choose which dress each girl will have now... I just need them ordered. I cant pay for their dresses myself nor do I know their sizes. Do I ask them to get it done or else they wont be able to be in the wedding OR do I let it go and if its not ordered in time <strong>then have a tacky wedding bc they wear what they have?</strong> I dont want a tacky, unorganized wedding. But I feel bad to be stern. I tried to be stern today and nothing got accomplished. Others have said Im being a bridezilla but how is that when I havent been mean the slightest bit? Ive also been told to give them time and let them go at their own pace but anyone planning a wedding knows that at the 10 week mark, there isnt too much room for giving time. :'( Im so confused and depressed as well as stressed. PLEASE PLEASE PLESE HELP!!!!!
Posted by JessicaN1012[/QUOTE]
Why would that be tacky?  Lots of brides have their girls in coordinating rather than identical dresses, and it looks totally fine.  I would say it's actually becoming more common than the identical dress look.  What would you rather have, three girls in dresses that aren't exactly what you had in mind, or three friends who are no longer speaking to you because you decided that two yards of fabric were more important than they were?

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-dilemma-little-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b5a60df-7429-4847-b746-37b1188c8dfePost:ff849708-261a-47a6-b564-3cf31793877a">Re: BM Dilemma HELP (Little Long, Sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Kelly. Give them the deadline, and then let them handle it. If they don't order the dresses, they've effectively removed themselves from the wedding party. Since you can't make another adult do anything and harping on them may make it worse as well as damage your friendship, it's pretty much your only option.
Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

Count one more vote for this option.

2012JulyBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-dilemma-little-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b5a60df-7429-4847-b746-37b1188c8dfePost:c8704a4c-19a2-498c-9e07-b93b362ea8b5">Re: BM Dilemma HELP (Little Long, Sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to BM Dilemma HELP (Little Long, Sorry) : Why would that be tacky?  Lots of brides have their girls in coordinating rather than identical dresses, and it looks totally fine.  I would say it's actually becoming more common than the identical dress look.  What would you rather have, three girls in dresses that aren't exactly what you had in mind, or three friends who are no longer speaking to you because you decided that two yards of fabric were more important than they were?
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

It would be tacky because she feels like it would be (difference of opinion). Most girls know the basic role of being a BM so if they don't order the dress, that's a decision that the BM have made.

OP: I don't know how close you are to these ladies but sit down and talk with them ASAP. Maybe they don't have time or possibly feel as though they don't have the money now that it's down to the last couple of weeks to order. If money is an issue, I think it would be a great gesture to allow them to wear a different, less expensive style. If they have a problem coming up with the money, try using other resources for help (I'm sure someone out there will completely disagree with me here, but ask close friend and family if they could help pitch in...of course going only to those who you would feel comfortable going to if you were in a situation needing help).

If money is the issue and no one can help (or you don't feel comfortable asking anyone), let 2-3 of them have different dresses, though I know you stated that you think it would be tacky. You could always line them up with those having similar dresses stand together OR have them standing every other one alternating, which would make it look more like you planned it that way.

If it's not money and it's just laziness, then that's a decision they have made. If the dresses take 8 weeks to ship, let them know that they have until *a specific date next week* to order it, otherwise their dress will not arrive in time for the wedding. Many places offer rush shipping but I wouldn't even offer that as a choice, unless there's a paycheck issue that would allow them to order it the following week.

JennaV26

10 and a half weeks is cutting it pretty close. Tell them the deadline and let them know that if they don't have the dress they aren't in the wedding. That's not unreasonable.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-dilemma-little-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6b5a60df-7429-4847-b746-37b1188c8dfePost:a6b6d5a8-66bb-4fe7-a052-95b7610ce5ff">BM Dilemma HELP (Little Long, Sorry)</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked 5 girls to be my bridesmaids. It is 10 and a half weeks from my wedding and 3 still have not ordered their dresses. I dont know what to do bc they keep coming up with excuses. HELP!!!! I need advice. I had several dresses to choose from (bc each girl is wearing a different one) but I have pretty much choose which dress each girl will have now... I just need them ordered. I cant pay for their dresses myself nor do I know their sizes. Do I ask them to get it done or else they wont be able to be in the wedding OR do I let it go and if its not ordered in time then have a tacky wedding bc they wear what they have? I dont want a tacky, unorganized wedding. But I feel bad to be stern. I tried to be stern today and nothing got accomplished.<strong> Others have said Im being a bridezilla but how is that when I havent been mean the slightest bit? </strong>Ive also been told to give them time and let them go at their own pace but anyone planning a wedding knows that at the 10 week mark, there isnt too much room for giving time. :'( Im so confused and depressed as well as stressed. PLEASE PLEASE PLESE HELP!!!!!
Posted by JessicaN1012[/QUOTE]
If people have actually told you you're acting like a bridezilla, I question whether you've been as accommodating as you claim, because it takes a LOT for someone to actually verbalize it.  You may not have intended to come across as mean, but you need to consider that you may have.  Many people would consider it bridezilla to harp on BMs to buy their dresses, particularly if you picked it without consulting them on their budgets.<div>
</div><div>All you can do now is leave it up to them.  No one likes a micromanager, and as a bride it's not your right to do so.  They're adults, treat them as such.  </div><div>
</div><div>But again, really look critically at your own behaviour.  If you asked their budgets and only one BM was not ordering it, I think you'd be fair in telling her if she can't get it in time, she's out.  But if THREE BMs haven't done so, we have a bride problem, and you really need to look at yourself.  I highly doubt it's a coincidence that a majority of the BMs are calling you bridezilla and refusing to buy their dresses yet you're totally innocent--something is up.</div>