PLEASE HELP!

sofita

I am going crazy here! We are getting married July next year and we have picked 4 best men and 4 bridesmaids, including my sister, my brother and his brother. I am from Argentina and he is from Brazil, and we are getting married in Brazil.

I have many people, as I am sure everybody does, that I would like to have in my bridal party but we are having a simple wedding so we want our br party to be small. Anyways, when my future brother-in-law's girlfriend (I almost don't even know her) found out she was not a bridesmaid, she freacked out, started crying and called my future mother in law saying she was depressed and she felt left out. (SIDENOTE: IN BRAZIL people are used to having couples instead of separates men and women). I almost don't know her and my mother in law is driving me crazy saying I should include her for the sake of family and find a 5th best man and if I don't then I will cause a fight between the brothers...

Comments? Help? Advice? PLEASE!!

Beachy730

Nobody should pressure you into including anyone else.  How long as your FBIL been dating her?  Personally I wouldn't include my brother's GF, especially if I didn't know her.  But then again its not common to me include couples in your WP. its about including who's nearest and dearest to you.  While your side is your choice, this is really FI's family involved who would have the hard feelings, so how does he feel about it? 

If you do choose to add her you do not need to add another GM, you can have odd numbers. 

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6bb2d6e6-6134-4d62-9d99-f2ddc74ea069Post:ada3cf1e-681f-419c-a8f0-5685cc807026">PLEASE HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am going crazy here! We are getting married July next year and we have picked 4 best men and 4 bridesmaids, including my sister, my brother and his brother. I am from Argentina and he is from Brazil, and we are getting married in Brazil. I have many people, as I am sure everybody does, that I would like to have in my bridal party but we are having a simple wedding so we want our br party to be small. Anyways, when my future brother-in-law's girlfriend (I almost don't even know her) found out she was not a bridesmaid, she freacked out, started crying and called my future mother in law saying she was depressed and she felt left out. (SIDENOTE: IN BRAZIL people are used to having couples instead of separates men and women). I almost don't know her and my mother in law is driving me crazy saying I should include her for the sake of family and find a 5th best man and if I don't then I will cause a fight between the brothers... Comments? Help? Advice? PLEASE!!
Posted by sofita[/QUOTE]

<div>If it were me, I would stick to my guns with my choice for a wedding party. I really can't believe your FBIL's gf actually cried to your FMIL like that, sounds like she is 8. If you haven't asked her yet I would really try to hold your ground and just repeat the "I'm sorry but I've selected my wedding party. Have you tried this great bean dip?" also if it gets to be too much have your FI deal with his mother.</div><div>
</div><div>If there really becomes a fight between the two brothers (I can't imagine two brothers arguing about who to have in the WP), and you ask the FBIL's gf just have uneven sides. I know at first this sounds like the end of the world but really, uneven sides are common and why make someone random guy a GM because you want things even. </div>

SSaltzman87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6bb2d6e6-6134-4d62-9d99-f2ddc74ea069Post:d6b87df1-37c6-4d2f-bec8-ec48a4b1e40c">Re: PLEASE HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a huge faux pas on her part to expect to be included, but here you go:  "I had no idea you'd be hurt.  We couldn't include everyone we would have liked. Of course we wouldn't dream of marrying without you there, and look forward to having you as our honored guest."
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Ditto!

MairePoppy

Of course you get the final say on who is in your wedding party, but here are a few things to consider: Is your fmil helping to pay for the wedding? How does your fi feel about including the girlfriend?

BeeBee22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6bb2d6e6-6134-4d62-9d99-f2ddc74ea069Post:b058bce2-6fc8-4ca8-aafa-a0b8517b5753">Re: PLEASE HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Of course you get the final say on who is in your wedding party, but here are a few things to consider: Is your fmil helping to pay for the wedding? How does your fi feel about including the girlfriend?
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with this.  Additionally, as a North American, I don't know how important this is is South America.  You can always respond to their "It's a Brazilian tradition" with "It's not an Argentinian tradition" (assuming it's not) or "it's not an American tradition" if you and FI both live in the US."</div><div>
</div><div>The best thing seems to be to discuss it with your FI, as he knows his family dynamics best.  Is his mother a lovely woman who's just afraid all her Brazilian friends will be appalled at the faux pas of a the GF being left out?  Or is she a control freak who will try to dictate every detail of your wedding and future child-rearing if you give in on this?  Difficult for us to know, and part of the trickiness of getting married in a location and among people outside of your native culture... maintaining respect without being run over.</div><div>
</div><div>BTW, I agree that the GF sounds like a baby.  sheesh.  Good luck to you!

</div>

sofita

Thanks girls!! I really needed to vent and all of your messages are greatly appreciated!
My FI doesn't want her in the wedding party either so we are sticking to our decision but my mother in law keeps saying: "well, ok, you still have some time to think about it"and I feel like telling her: yes, I'll think about it all you want but the decision has been made!
I loved: "I'm sorry but I've selected my wedding party. Have you tried this great bean dip? haha this is how it's been so far.
I hope to get a chance to talk to her soon and explained our wedding will not follow ANY traditions whatsoever so hoepfully, she will understand and stop being such a cry baby!

Thanks ladies! You are the best!