• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Moms and Maids

Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue

Removed, since you all think I am embarassed, but I'm not so read on.  Don't worry the other chicks who can copy and paste did so below.
«13

Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    you are going to need a flame retardant suit for this.....

    Bottom line - his father has no responsibility to pay for anything at all.  If he pays for anything it is a gift and you should be grateful.  It is your and FI's responsibility to pay for your wedding.

    It doesn't matter if the man is loaded, it's his money.

    I'm going to encourage you to step back, take a breath, and quit expecting someone else to pay for your wedding.


    Your father has been out of work for a year and you are accepting his money for the wedding?  How about a priority check here?


    It doesn't sound like you and FI are very well situated financially.  Expecting someone else to foot the bill is wrong.  Plan the wedding you can afford and make your dad keep his money.


    for the record - I'm a 3 time MOB who helped pay for DDs weddings.  They never showed the expectations and entitlement you show in your post.


    I wish you the best of luck on this...

  • edited December 2011
    Yes it is disappointing that FI's father is unwilling to contribute more, expecially if he has the money, but he is an adult and is entitled to do what he wants with his money, even if he wants to eat it. You have the right to be disapointed, but let it go, its not your or FI's money and therefore not any of your business what he does with it.

    " So  now my mother, has to pick up the last 2fuckinghundred dollars just so we can get a wedding album."  <<< this concerns me. Are you and your FI not contributing ANYTHING to the wedding?

    No one is obligated to pay for anyone else's wedding even if they are the parents. It just doesn't work like that anymore. Remember though that money equals strings, so if you do accept money from family, they do get a say on what its being spent on. Have the wedding that you are able to afford. That may mean you have to save up a bit and wait, or scale down your event, but you wont be putting anyone into financial hardship to host a party.

    Good luck!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • vwhitney2107vwhitney2107 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You said that you are not trying to sound selfish or spoiled but that is exactly what it sounds like IMO.

    Just because your FI's father has a lot of money doesn't mean he has to pay for your "big party". My suggestion would be to stop having such high expectations and pay for the wedding you and your FI can afford.

    My dad also had to retire early because of health issues. My mom works overtime every week because she covers all the finances. They offered to help with the wedding and of course I declined their offer. It's not their responsibility.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Are you an adult? Is your FI an adult? Pay your own expenses.
  • linzerdlinzerd member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Whatever, I guess I am just a selfish bitch and it was pointless to think anyone could sympathize with me.  How dare I?  And FYI to everyone, I really wasn't looking for anyone's advice or answers, or especially opinions.  If you notice I did say at the beginning that I just needed to vent.  And my question at the end was rhetorical. My fault for posting on a discussion board.  Maybe I just should have blogged.

    Thanks for nothing.
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue:
    Whatever, I guess I am just a selfish bitch and it was pointless to think anyone could sympathize with me.  How dare I?  And FYI to everyone, I really wasn't looking for anyone's advice or answers, or especially opinions.  If you notice I did say at the beginning that I just needed to vent.  And my question at the end was rhetorical. My fault for posting on a discussion board.  Maybe I just should have blogged. Thanks for nothing.
    Posted by linzerd

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Read your original post that was quoted. You asked if the situtation sounded ridiculous. People said it didn't sound ridiculous and explained why. So don't come in here and say you didn't want opinions or advice and only wanted to vent. You asked for opinions, you got opinions.

    Suck it up, Buttercup. This is what happens when you willingly post on a public message board. You're not always going to be told what you want to hear or have your sh!tty attitude validated.

  • linzerdlinzerd member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah I get it.  Thanks. Obviously I'm not trying to sound bitchy or selfish, but none of you know me, so I guess reading that off hand makes people respond that way.  Oh well.  It's not like I am all broken up about it.  Nothing of what anyone said changed how I feel about the situation.

    I guess I just grew up in a family where my parents wanted and tried to give me everything they could.  His father has given him the essentials and nothing more ever, when he could do so much more and I feel he should.  It's not like this is going to break the bank for my parents and make them homeless.  My mother makes good money regardless of whether or not my dad has a job.  She specifically saved this money for this reason after her mother died. I didn't even expect them to contribute, but she offered and I wasn't going to turn her down.

  • linzerdlinzerd member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I guess you still don't know the meaning of the word rhetorical, ziti.  Like I said, clearly I made a mistake posting on a message board. But thank you so much for clarifying, genius. I have seen the light.

    And I still don't understand the point of copying and pasting or quoting or whatever....
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue:
    Yeah I get it.  Thanks. Obviously I'm not trying to sound bitchy or selfish, but none of you know me, so I guess reading that off hand makes people respond that way.  Oh well.  It's not like I am all broken up about it.  Nothing of what anyone said changed how I feel about the situation. I guess I just grew up in a family where my parents wanted and tried to give me everything they could.  His father has given him the essentials and nothing more ever, when he could do so much more and I feel he should.  It's not like this is going to break the bank for my parents and make them homeless.  My mother makes good money regardless of whether or not my dad has a job.  She specifically saved this money for this reason after her mother died. I didn't even expect them to contribute, but she offered and I wasn't going to turn her down.
    Posted by linzerd
    Precedent demands that I do this.

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue:
    I guess you still don't know the meaning of the word rhetorical, ziti.  Like I said, clearly I made a mistake posting on a message board. But thank you so much for clarifying, genius. I have seen the light.
    Posted by linzerd
    No where in your original post does it say your question is rhetorical.  You shouted it loud and clear, though, in your backpedaling post when you realized nobody was going to back your entitled horse.

    We're not mind-readers, pumpkin. If you ask a question, you're going to get an answer. If you just want to vent, buy a diary.

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow. Good catch ladies. 

    Well, if you are still around OP. The reason they quoted you was because you are embarrassed by what you wrote and are now trying to discard them so you don't look like the entitled person your story and responses are making you look. My recommendation reread your story again and what these ladies have told you and learn from it. 
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue:
    I guess I just grew up in a family where my parents wanted and tried to give me everything they could.  .
    Posted by linzerd
    They should have taught you that you have to work for the things you want. You have high expectations for someone who doesn't have a pot to pi$$ in.

    Good luck.
                
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Thanks edielaura and ziti.
                
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue:
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue : They should have taught you that you have to work for the things you want. You have high expectations for someone who doesn't have a pot to pi$$ in. Good luck.
    Posted by MairePoppy

    Applause for Maire. 

    OP:  I have raised 3 children to adulthood.  And I would be embarrassed if either of my married children spoke about their in-laws in the way you've spoken about their FILs.

    You sound like an entitled little girl who needs to grow up and behave like an adult.  And part of being an adult means taking responsibility for what you want, including paying for it, and being grateful for gifts which you do receive from people.

    But gosh....good luck to you.

    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, I have never seen someone delete their posts as fast as this when things aren't going their way. Good job on keeping up on the quoting so I can follow the conversation (slow day at work, lol).
    "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Yikes.....
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 185 Tried Out for the Team image 153 Starters
    image 28 Were Cut image 0 Are Benched
  • edited December 2011
    I thought you cant delete a post after someone has responded?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 185 Tried Out for the Team image 153 Starters
    image 28 Were Cut image 0 Are Benched
  • linzerdlinzerd member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so glad you all think you are so smart and you won and just wow, good job.  You can disagree and gang up on someone and try to make them feel like $hit.  Good for you.

     I love how you all think that your opinions of me, who like I said before, none of you know, matter, at all.  I don't care if you think I am selfish, I will admit it, and I am not embarassed one bit.  If there is anything in your life you should be selfish about, then in my opinion it is your wedding.  FYI THESE ARE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS THAT FOLLOW, EVIDENTLY SOME OF YOU NEED THAT CLARIFICATION Did you all forget that the wedding is for the guests anyway?  What am I going to get out of this other than a marriage, some rings and photos? I want people to have a damn good time. And like I said before I think every girl is entitled to their dream wedding.  I think my fiance is entitled to his father showing him he is willing to throw down once and for all.

    So how would you know if I have a pot to pi$$ in anyway? Just because I can't afford a wedding doesn't mean I have nothing.  I have worked for what I have, but too bad for me I lost my job a year ago too and my fiance and I have been struggling to make ends meet ever since.  Is it such a disservice to take my mother's money for a wedding that she WANTS to pay for in the meantime?

    I am not trying to backpedal.  I am not embarassed.  I will say it out loud I am selfish, this is what I want and I think my future father in law, who by the way I have not really liked since my fiance and I got together 8 years ago, should throw down.  I suppose I should have expected he would be this way, but I thought maybe just this once he would open his eyes.

    And let me say this, I don't need anyone else's opinion or comment or response.  Even though I'm sure you are all going to rip this apart like the maggots you are.  I'm done.  This is how I feel and none of you are going to change my mind.  My mistake to post it on the damn knot message boards.  I have people in my life that agree with me, and I know someone else out there does.  Whether or not they are on the stupid knot.

    OK Go ahead, your turn to call me a child, selfish, act like an adult, "I've raised 17 babies out of my vagina and they are so humble and don't you just want to pluck their little eyes out :)))))"

    Please.

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue:
    I'm so glad you all think you are so smart and you won and just wow, good job.  You can disagree and gang up on someone and try to make them feel like $hit.  Good for you.  I love how you all think that your opinions of me, who like I said before, none of you know, matter, at all.  I don't care if you think I am selfish, I will admit it, and I am not embarassed one bit.  If there is anything in your life you should be selfish about, then in my opinion it is your wedding.  FYI THESE ARE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS THAT FOLLOW, EVIDENTLY SOME OF YOU NEED THAT CLARIFICATION Did you all forget that the wedding is for the guests anyway?  What am I going to get out of this other than a marriage, some rings and photos? I want people to have a damn good time. And like I said before I think every girl is entitled to their dream wedding.  I think my fiance is entitled to his father showing him he is willing to throw down once and for all. So how would you know if I have a pot to pi$$ in anyway? Just because I can't afford a wedding doesn't mean I have nothing.  I have worked for what I have, but too bad for me I lost my job a year ago too and my fiance and I have been struggling to make ends meet ever since.  Is it such a disservice to take my mother's money for a wedding that she WANTS to pay for in the meantime? I am not trying to backpedal.  I am not embarassed.  I will say it out loud I am selfish, this is what I want and I think my future father in law, who by the way I have not really liked since my fiance and I got together 8 years ago, should throw down.  I suppose I should have expected he would be this way, but I thought maybe just this once he would open his eyes. And let me say this, I don't need anyone else's opinion or comment or response.  Even though I'm sure you are all going to rip this apart like the maggots you are.  I'm done.  This is how I feel and none of you are going to change my mind.  My mistake to post it on the damn knot message boards.  I have people in my life that agree with me, and I know someone else out there does.  Whether or not they are on the stupid knot. OK Go ahead, your turn to call me a child, selfish, act like an adult, "I've raised 17 babies out of my vagina and they are so humble and don't you just want to pluck their little eyes out :)))))" Please.
    Posted by linzerd

    The only thing someone is entitled to in this country is freedom. Everything else you need to work for and a wedding is NOT needed to be married. If you can't afford it because you lost your job then do what thousands of other people do and go to Justice of the Peace. You should NOT expect your FFIL to pay for you and your FI wedding you are grown adults act like it and take responsibility for your party. It's great your mom is offering because she too is NOT obligated to pay for your wedding. Guess what? Your FFIL worked for YEARS to EARN HIS money and he can spend on whatever he pleases, not what YOU please. 

    And people you know can't tell you your right in front of your face because obviously they don't want to upset you because you are to blinded by your own selfish entitlement to think that you may be wrong. You came here and told a group of unbias people your story and we are telling your being unreasonable in expecting your FFIL to contribute more money then he has already GENEROUSLY offered you.

    I actually feel for your FFIL because obviously you are going to stomp your feet and try to get your FI to turn on him or do something to try to get him to contribute more because you think since he has money he should give more. Leave him alone and appreciate the money he is giving you, and plan a wedding the you can afford.  

  • linzerdlinzerd member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Um hi.  I'm not going to stomp my feet or do anything.  The issue is over.  He's a cheap bastard and I CAME ON HERE TO VENT ABOUT IT.  LET ME SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME FOR THOSE OF YOU ARE AREN'T READING.

    M  Y

    M  I  S  T  A  K  E.

    You don't even know the whole story so get your panties out of a bunch and leave me alone.  I said I didn't need anymore replies, but clearly this is your objective here.  To tell me how much I suck at life.  Thank you so very much.  Once again I have seen the light. 

    STOP WASTING YOUR TIME.

  • edited December 2011
    Why do you keep responding if you want it to end? Seems to me you should just let it go.
    image Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue:
    Um hi.  I'm not going to stomp my feet or do anything.  The issue is over.  He's a cheap bastard and I CAME ON HERE TO VENT ABOUT IT.  LET ME SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME FOR THOSE OF YOU ARE AREN'T READING. M  Y M  I  S  T  A  K  E. You don't even know the whole story so get your panties out of a bunch and leave me alone.  I said I didn't need anymore replies, but clearly this is your objective here.  To tell me how much I suck at life.  Thank you so very much.  Once again I have seen the light.  STOP WASTING YOUR TIME.
    Posted by linzerd
    We may not know the whole story but the fact that you think he is cheap (I don't think giving $3000 is cheap) and you are entitled to more is why we are telling you need to get a reality check of no one is obligated rich or not to pay for your wedding. Nice to know you won't do something vengeful to show your distaste for him not giving more. Thank you for your concern about wasting my time, but I will continue to post my thoughts on this subject if I feel the need.
  • edited December 2011
    I dont get it...was the pushing 17 babies out of my vagina suppose to be an insult to TK girls, or did you actually give birth to 17 babies... How is that suppose to apply to any of the girls here? Can someone clarify that..I just dont get the statement at all....
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 185 Tried Out for the Team image 153 Starters
    image 28 Were Cut image 0 Are Benched
  • linzerdlinzerd member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Then stop wasting my time.  Pretty sad that you feel the need to keep going since this SO applies to your life.

    And the 17 babies thing was just a kick back to everyone who keeps telling me they raised all these kids, and "aren't they just so perfect and would never say any of this".  People are so blind.

  • edited December 2011
    It's only wasting your time if you keep returning to it.  I think you should just let it go unless you have some sort of masochistic need to keep it going.
    image Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue:
    Then stop wasting my time.  Pretty sad that you feel the need to keep going since this SO applies to your life. And the 17 babies thing was just a kick back to everyone who keeps telling me they raised all these kids, and "aren't they just so perfect and would never say any of this".  People are so blind.
    Posted by linzerd
    Yes, it is so sad that we need to keep this going. How very pathetic... of us. To keep this going.

  • linzerdlinzerd member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    See, now you are just trying to piss me off.
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Well, after reading all of your clarifications about not being ashamed of being selfish, being entitled to a wedding you can't afford, etc.... I am calling my 3 married daughters tomorrow to remind them how proud I am of their work ethics, lack of entitled attitude, and downright selfishness.

    Serious question here - what would YOUR mom think of you if she read this entire thread and saw her daughter saying she isn't ashamed of being selfish, and feels entitled to her FIL's money?  I'm guessing it wouldn't be a stellar moment....
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue:
    See, now you are just trying to piss me off.
    Posted by linzerd

«13
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards