Bride to be at her wits end (longish)

hpeters2004 · February 2011

I don't post all that often, mostly cause I've always shyed away from blogging or anything like it.
The posts I have posted about have been about my mom. I love her to death, but how do I get her to back off and respect my decisions about the wedding?

She travels alot for her job, she really does She is home maybe 1 or 2 weekends a month. And I respect her for that. Her being gone alot means she has missed out on alot of the planning. I can't wait for her to be home,

She wasnt there to pick out the invitations, me and my FI picked them, and she tore me a new one because in her words 'it wasnt my place to order them and they are not what she would have gotten." I like them, they are pretty and classy, just simple. No foil or anything like that. Just embossment. I dont know what she would have got. she just went on that rant for about a month.

Next is the Dress. I got my dress, luckily, about 3 months before the wedding. I had lost alot of weight and wanted to wait. She wasnt there for that, but me and my sister were sending photots of every dress i tried on until we found the one. She will not leave me alone about shopping without her. But if I hadn't I wouldnt have the dress of my dreams.

The next is my FI's ring. I posted about this a few days ago. The long and short of it is according to her, I didnt spend enough on it. He adores his ring. And can't wait to wear it. She will come into my room, (still living with my parents because can't aford to move out on my own and if I move in with my FI, I won't get a wedding, peroid.) sometimes at 5 am and tear into me because I didnt spend 7-8 hundred bucks on a ring that she deems "real".

I have less than 2 months to go, and im at my witts end. I dont have the invitations out, i dont have a person to make the cake, someone to do the food, a dj or the flowers. Mom's making the flowers, and while she's done a beautiful job on the boquets, other than them, the guys flowers and a couple pew bows, nothing has gotten done. And she yells at me for trying to get things done without her.

Im to the point i wanna make a trip to Vegas or the courthouse and be done with it!

8daysaweek · February 2011

Well first question, is your mom paying? If so, she has a bit more say so and you need to cater to her requests to an extent. I understand that the travel makes it difficult to involve her.

If i were in your situation, I would make a list of the things you still have left to do. Explain to your mom that it is really important to you that she's involved in the things she wants to be there for and ask her what she wants to be a part of and has time to do. Then, make an effort to work around her schedule for those things and involve her in those; and don't discuss anything else with her. If she asks, answer short and sweet and change the subject, ie:

Mom: Did you get FI's ring yet?
You: Yes, he loves it. Did you watch Glee last night?

tidetravel · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bride-her-wits-end-longish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:721bb377-9a41-4635-b072-461c520aec5ePost:9edbcf2f-f3d6-402c-a600-af8800253d8c">Bride to be at her wits end (longish)</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't post all that often, mostly cause I've always shyed away from blogging or anything like it. The posts I have posted about have been about my mom. I love her to death, but how do I get her to back off and respect my decisions about the wedding? She travels alot for her job, she really does She is home maybe 1 or 2 weekends a month. And I respect her for that. Her being gone alot means she has missed out on alot of the planning. I can't wait for her to be home, She wasnt there to pick out the invitations, me and my FI picked them, and she tore me a new one because in her words 'it wasnt my place to order them and they are not what she would have gotten." I like them, they are pretty and classy, just simple. No foil or anything like that. Just embossment. I dont know what she would have got. she just went on that rant for about a month. Next is the Dress. I got my dress, luckily, about 3 months before the wedding. I had lost alot of weight and wanted to wait. She wasnt there for that, but me and my sister were sending photots of every dress i tried on until we found the one. She will not leave me alone about shopping without her. But if I hadn't I wouldnt have the dress of my dreams. The next is my FI's ring. I posted about this a few days ago. The long and short of it is according to her, I didnt spend enough on it. He adores his ring. And can't wait to wear it. She will come into my room, (still living with my parents because can't aford to move out on my own and<strong> if I move in with my FI, I won't get a wedding, peroid</strong>.) sometimes at 5 am and tear into me because I didnt spend 7-8 hundred bucks on a ring that she deems "real". I have less than 2 months to go, and im at my witts end. I dont have the invitations out, i dont have a person to make the cake, someone to do the food, a dj or the flowers. Mom's making the flowers, and while she's done a beautiful job on the boquets, other than them, the guys flowers and a couple pew bows, nothing has gotten done. And she yells at me for trying to get things done without her. <strong>Im to the point i wanna make a trip to Vegas or the courthouse and be done with it!
</strong>Posted by hpeters2004[/QUOTE]

Honestly, this is what I would do. Decline your mother's money (I'm assuming she's paying based on your statement) and you absolve yourself of all of her input. Move out of your mom's house. Have the wedding that the two of you can afford on your own - if that's a JOP and then dinner at a nice restaurant, then that's ok. At the end of the day, you'll still be married, and you won't be living under you mother's thumb anymore.

RoyalSpoiledOne · February 2011

I have to agree with Tide. She sounds really over the top and almost irrational. If I were having to deal with that, I don't think I could do it, and I would just elope.

[Deleted User] · February 2011

If she's paying, she is right that she should have a say in the invitations. If she's paying, your SOL, unless you decline all her monetary contributions and pay for the wedding yourself.

[Deleted User] · February 2011

It sounds like your Mom is trying to run the show and keep you a wreck. I would honestly think about getting the eff out of the house and move in with your FI. Then either elope or choose some invites & get them out asap, and book a florist and photographer.