Moms and Maids
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When do I choose Bridesmaids?

I am inclined to do it sooner, and not leave people wondering.  Wedding is May 2012, Mom suggested waiting until August 2011 - that seems crazy - want to give them at least a year to plan and budget - thoughts???

Re: When do I choose Bridesmaids?

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    vwhitney2107vwhitney2107 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Relationships can change drastically in a very short period of time. I'm not saying you shouldn't choose your BM's now but IMO it would be best to wait until at least 8-10 months out from the wedding. You never know what can happen and I have read a lot of posts on here about bride's that regret asking their wedding party too early because they either have a falling out or life just takes them in different directions. I think your mom is right in wanting you to wait. 8-10 months is still plenty of time to budget and plan ahead.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_choose-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:730fe99e-a35d-465f-8fd6-21775b7a4b1bPost:833f8431-a658-4a12-8ca5-270ce4706f4a">When do I choose Bridesmaids?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am inclined to do it sooner, and not leave people wondering.  Wedding is May 2012, Mom suggested waiting until August 2011 - that seems crazy - want to give them at least a year to plan and budget - thoughts???
    Posted by VTSarah[/QUOTE]
    If anyone needs a year to plan and buget for your wedding, you're asking too much of them.  The only thing they need to do is get the dress, and 6-9 months out is plenty early for that, so that's a good timeframe for asking them.
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    vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Asking them more than a year out is too early.  Somewhere in the 6-8 month range is more appropriate.  When you go shop for BM dresses, the salons will tell you it takes *some absurd time frame* for the dresses to come in.  They most likely aren't being truthful, they just want you to order the dresses asap.
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    StephieBowStephieBow member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I asked exactly a year out but that's because I wanted them to know when they attended my engagemen party.  It's also girlfriends that I've been friends with for years and years so, we're close!

    Do what you're comfortable with but know that depending on who you are asking your relationships can change.
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    edited December 2011
    It doesn't matter how many years you have been friends with someone. Friendships change. Period. My best friend of 10  years and I had a falling out that I would have never seen coming and haven't spoken since. Shiit happens. Ask them at a year or less, like PP suggested, 6-8 months. Unless you're getting married on Mars, they shouldn't need a year to save for your wedding.
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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I think that you're planning on doing it way too early. You have over a year to go here. Wait till you are under the 1 year mark for sure. Even if they are your best friends and your relationship doesn't change, it can't hurt to wait. One thing I've learned in this process is that doing things early can be a detriment. I wanted things to happen so much that I did themt too soon or without thinking and made mistakes. Biding one's time is often the best thing to do. 
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    edited December 2011
    6-9 months is what is suggested around here.
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    JCM10JCM10 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm having a two year engagement and am having to plan things in waves due to being a grad. student and working full time. I'm starting "Will You be my Bridesmaid?" cards this week..It will probably take me about a week to do that around school and work. Then I'll have to set up dinners/coffee dates with each of them to ask them (and put a few in the mail out of state). I'll be asking about 9 1/2-10 months out. I want bridesmaids by the time I go dress shopping in a few months! 
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    KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE] I want bridesmaids by the time I go dress shopping in a few months! 
    Posted by JCM10[/QUOTE]
    A little advice:  DON'T take a bunch of people with you on the first trip.  So many brides take so many people, all with different opinions and tastes.  And by the end of the day, the bride is a wreck.  I found it was better to take ONE person, who will allow for YOUR tastes to matter.  Ask the ladies to accompany you to one of the first fittings.

    <span style="font-weight:bold;">VTSarah</span>:  6-8 months is plenty of time to get a dress and make travel arrangements (if necessary)
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Take a field trip over to the Wedding Party board, and scroll through a couple pages of posts.  Pay close attention to the ones that say, in one way or another, "How can I kick out a BM?"  There will be plenty to look at.

    Invariably they are from brides who asked their bff since 2nd grade, or their cousin, or their forever sorority sister to be in their wedding.  And then things changed.  And now they're sorry.

    Then do the same thing on this board.  Look at a couple pages worth of questions.  You'll find the same thing.

    There have been countless posts around these boards from people who regret asking too early.  There have never, ever been one (and look at my post count-I've been here a long time) from someone who regretted waiting to ask.

    And your friends shouldn't need a year or more to "save" to be in your wedding.  Unless you're planning a mega-DW on Bora Bora, being part of your wedding should never take anyone over a year to save for.  After you ask each friend, ask her what her dress budget will be.

    Then keep any dress selection under the lowest figure you receive.  Good Luck.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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