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FMIL vent

Okay, without getting into the whole messed up relationship I have with my FMIL, I'll just say that we basically did not see one another for about 6 months over her issues.  So, we saw them once together for a brunch about a month ago and then this weekend for another brunch.  While we were waiting for a table she asked me how the planning was going and I said that it was going well.  It was already agreed upon, between my FI and I, that we would handle planning since she's very controlling and sort of nuts.  She said, "If you need us to help out with anything, let us know."  I said, "Well, tradionally speaking the groom's family hosts the rehearsal dinner.  Would you be interested in doing that?"  She starts ranting about how they aren't even sure they are going to come since they've been totally shut out and they don't know that they are contributing anything.  Then, I asked if she would like to stand under the chuppah, even though this is an interfaith wedding.  She says, "Put us wherever you want."  All tight lipped and stuff.  I don' t know how to react to this and I said, "I don't want to offend..."  She replied, "We aren't a people that get offended."

I'm not crazy, right?  This behavior is not normal?  Who asks what they can do for you in one sentence and then in the next lose it and start ranting?  I need help, for real.
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Re: FMIL vent

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    edited December 2011
      So let me see if I have this right, your FMIL asks if there is anything she can help with. Then upon you offering the Rehearsal Dinner she unleashes all of her pent up emotions? Saying she might not even attend the wedding?
      Her behaviour is childish. Was your FI there when your FMIL was saying all of this? If so he should have stepped in, calmed his mother down, and then tried to reason out the situation with her.
      You guys might have had problems in the past, but based on this post it seems as if you were trying to include her in the planning. If your FI and FMIL cannot understand your efforts, then I say keep the wedding plans to yourself. Next time your FMIL asks about the wedding just sweetly say "Everything is coming together just fine." If she wants to nicely engage in conversation and planning, then by all means open up a little bit. However, if she has another episode step back and let your FI intervene.
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    marie22larsonmarie22larson member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What's an FMIL-Fiance's mother in law, i don't get it.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7329d8aa-ed0c-4707-a542-b3b596f8f480Post:88a113ba-0e9c-4855-91d8-c84e284e3e40">Re: FMIL vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]What's an FMIL-Fiance's mother in law, i don't get it.
    Posted by marie22larson[/QUOTE]

    FUTURE Mother in Law.
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    mstar284mstar284 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI and I are a little uneasy about his mother's reactions. She ignores any conversations about the wedding, tries to change the subject, and seems annoyed when we bring it up (which is really not that much at all) NOT GOOD! We've never had problems before. I'm hoping it's just a natural reaction to her son growing up or her feeling like she's "losing him". But we still think it's really weird. My FI said she'd talk to her about what's bothering her, but I don't want her to know I know something is up (which I know is stupid), and I don't want to cause drama. Sorry, I actually threadjacked you, I believe.

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    edited December 2011
    She probably expected you to say you didn't need her help and you took her off guard when you came up with something specific. A lot of times the groom's family feels left out of the wedding planning, but that's no excuse for her reaction.

    Your fi should have a heart to heart with his mom. He should ask her what she meant when she offered to help with the wedding and find out why she is having such a hard time with this. He also, should let her know that he loves you and finds it hurtful when she is disrespectful to you.


                       
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice, guys!  I don't know what to do about her.  Basically, anything you say is in one ear and out another.  One day she is psyched about the wedding and the next day she's telling us she's not coming.  Maybe I shouldn't have been so specific about what they can help us with...I really don't know.  I just hope things get resolved soon.  The wedding is moving forwards, regardless.
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