Moms and Maids

Sister or should I say frenenemy

Well here is the story... My sister starts drama and will stab you in the back while kissing you on the cheek! I know this seems harsh but its so sad but true. The day my family and i went dress shopping she showed up 2 hours late. My dress was already picked out and i was so emotional (crying) and she told me i was stupid! She also called my future sister in law FAT!!! She was also busy texting and reading her book the whole time she was there. Need I say more?  I dont want her to be a bridesmaid and I dont know how to tell her. I know when I break the news to her she will pull my niece (flower girl) and nephew (ring boy) out of the wedding out of spite!  Yell I tried to plea my case to my father and he is not seeing my point! Ugh so fustrated

Re: Sister or should I say frenenemy

  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just to clarify, is she currently a bridesmaid or have you not asked her yet and now don't want to?
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sister-should-say-frenenemy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:733c332e-0697-48b0-9e0f-7ef89f374c83Post:cebc5178-398f-4238-a41a-0f5bc92b0ed4">Sister or should I say frenenemy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well here is the story... My sister starts drama and will stab you in the back while kissing you on the cheek! I know this seems harsh but its so sad but true. The day my family and i went dress shopping she showed up 2 hours late. My dress was already picked out and i was so emotional (crying) and she told me i was stupid! She also called my future sister in law FAT!!! She was also busy texting and reading her book the whole time she was there. Need I say more?  I dont want her to be a bridesmaid and I dont know how to tell her. I know when I break the news to her she will pull my niece (flower girl) and nephew (ring boy) out of the wedding out of spite!   I tried to plea my case to my father and he is not seeing my point! Ugh so fustrated
    Posted by ILOVEFREDDY[/QUOTE]

    <div>There is a simple way to deal with this. Ignore her and do not invite her to wedding related stuff unless it's the Bridal Shower or Bacherolette party. Don't do any wedding related talk around her. If she gets all negative about wedding stuff just change the subject. If you just give her the task of showing up the day of wedding in her BM dress then you won't have to deal with the MASSIVE amount of drama that you would occur if you kick her out. </div><div>
    </div><div>So don't kick her out, not only will it cause drama between many of your family members but she probably will take her children out of the WP like you said. Follow my advice above to deal with her. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah it's a major relationship ender if you kick her out.  As PP said, don't talk to her about any wedding related stuff.  Give her a date on when you need the dresses ordered and the only other thing she has to do is show up to the wedding and wear the dress.  That's it.
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  • ekelly83ekelly83 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My sister is just about the same way. I debated on even inviting her into the wedding party, but I did. It ended up, she never ordered her dress in time. So, she took herself out. Which I am fine with. No more drama.
  • edited December 2011
    I wouldn't invite her to any more wedding related stuff. She isn't adding anything positive to your planning anyway.

    It feels like a broken record, but if you kick her out, you have to be prepared for the relationship to end.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sister-should-say-frenenemy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:733c332e-0697-48b0-9e0f-7ef89f374c83Post:6abaebf1-c063-4d51-9be3-9d9cefac4615">Re: Sister or should I say frenenemy</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Sister or should I say frenenemy : There is a simple way to deal with this. Ignore her and do not invite her to wedding related stuff unless it's the Bridal Shower or Bacherolette party. Don't do any wedding related talk around her. If she gets all negative about wedding stuff just change the subject. If you just give her the task of showing up the day of wedding in her BM dress then you won't have to deal with the MASSIVE amount of drama that you would occur if you kick her out.  So don't kick her out, not only will it cause drama between many of your family members but she probably will take her children out of the WP like you said. Follow my advice above to deal with her. 
    Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

    I ditto this.  Especially if your family thinks she should be in the WP, do the above.

    Other PPs have mentioned that kicking out a BM is a friendship ending move..... and this is your SISTER.   You want to end your relationship with your sister and you think it will be easier than avoiding her at 3 events in the next year? Think this one through.
  • edited December 2011
    Yea I have to agree. I don't have the same exact issue but similar. My grandmother causes drama. I didn't want to even think of putting her on the guest list because she is one to cause a lot of friction between family members and drama in general to get attention. But if I don't invite her, it will be a lot worse.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sister-should-say-frenenemy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:733c332e-0697-48b0-9e0f-7ef89f374c83Post:6abaebf1-c063-4d51-9be3-9d9cefac4615">Re: Sister or should I say frenenemy</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Sister or should I say frenenemy : There is a simple way to deal with this. Ignore her and do not invite her to wedding related stuff unless it's the Bridal Shower or Bacherolette party. Don't do any wedding related talk around her. If she gets all negative about wedding stuff just change the subject. If you just give her the task of showing up the day of wedding in her BM dress then you won't have to deal with the MASSIVE amount of drama that you would occur if you kick her out.  So don't kick her out, not only will it cause drama between many of your family members but she probably will take her children out of the WP like you said. Follow my advice above to deal with her. 
    Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

    Exactly this. You will avoid lots of hurt feelings and unnecessary drama this way.
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  • edited December 2011

    By the sounds of your post, you have NOT asked her to be your BM.  But her children are in your wedding.  I would tread carefully around this, don't even mention her being in or not in the wedding, put the spot light on the children and how cute they will look and how much you appreciate having them in your wedding.  If she does pull them out of spite, then everyone will see what she is truly about.  Good luck.

    Teresa & Bill June 10, 2011
  • edited December 2011

    Thank you ladies for the advice.... It is good to hear other peoples thoughts about the situation. Great advise was given ;)

  • darcyzunigadarcyzuniga member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sister-should-say-frenenemy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:733c332e-0697-48b0-9e0f-7ef89f374c83Post:cebc5178-398f-4238-a41a-0f5bc92b0ed4">Sister or should I say frenenemy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well here is the story... My sister starts drama and will stab you in the back while kissing you on the cheek! I know this seems harsh but its so sad but true. The day my family and i went dress shopping she showed up 2 hours late. My dress was already picked out and i was so emotional (crying) and she told me i was stupid! She also called my future sister in law FAT!!! She was also busy texting and reading her book the whole time she was there. Need I say more?  I dont want her to be a bridesmaid and I dont know how to tell her. I know when I break the news to her she will pull my niece (flower girl) and nephew (ring boy) out of the wedding out of spite!   I tried to plea my case to my father and he is not seeing my point! Ugh so fustrated
    Posted by ILOVEFREDDY[/QUOTE]



    The bridal dress incodnet sounds forgivable. I am in the same pridiciment actually. My Father died recently and my Sis has been just horrible to my Mother and I. By horrible I mean she sent my Mom an email saying she was a selfish person and she had me in the cc box. Sometimes family can drive you insane. But I really feel this is a time to really look at your life your family and who you will want to see many Christmases, Easters, and family gatherings. I know everyone one says it's my wedding and all that but I kinda this it is sort of an obligation. Unless your planning on writing her off she will be insulted. I made my sisster my maid of honer. I may regret it later, but I feel in the long run even if she's a bummer and rude. She did come to the fitting so she is interested, try to keep in mind she may be going through something too, who knows? Good luck hope your day goes well no matter who you choose.
  • tonidinallotonidinallo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My sister is the exact same way.  She's a ticking time bomb, and I never know what will set her off.  Most recently she didn't agree with when I wanted to cut my cake.  I know that she is projecting a lot of jealousy from her wedding onto mine (she thinks she got shafted) but it's made for a very stressful situation.  My suggestion is to remember that you are having a wedding so you can start your marriage.  Because when the day is over and the guests are gone, its going to be you and him.  I just want to say that it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only person who is going through this.  Hang in there and remember it's your day.  You can't let anyone determine how you will feel.  And if her feelings get hurt because you wanted to do something that she disagreed with: too bad.  It's not up to her.  
  • JGreenfan2000JGreenfan2000 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I dont see why people say its so bad about kicking her out if she is going to act that way and you have tryed talking everything then kick her out, i am having to talk to 2 of mine I told one of them that they were hurting me and its an HONER to be a bridesmaid so i am giving you one last chance to eather get a better attutied or you dont have to be a bridesmaid. Hope that helps by the way they are my sisters and she got a better attuted right away. 
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  • HippinhipsterHippinhipster member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Same problem with my sister but know my entire family would flip if she wasn't not only a BM but my MOH! I reluctantly asked her to be my MOH but i'm not one bit happy with it! really i just try not to talk about wedding stuff around her and keep her seperated from the other BMs (she tends to start crap) with her being the MOh though it's an easier excuse to keep her away from them... saying she's just more special! i would say keep her as a BM or ask her if you haven't... just to keep the family peace! You really only need her to get a dress and show up... you have no reason to include her in any dissision making or wedding talk!
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  • kristinkiel21kristinkiel21 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It feels good to know I am not the only one with a sister causing some drama. When I called to tell her we were engaged, she said "Congrats! I gotta go, I'm cleaning my floor" - I know she is excited for me but she has a hard time showing it becuase she is very selfish... it feels good to be able to vent this to other brides though!! She also didn't show up at all for the dress shopping day...that was HARD when everyone asked where she was. We got into a big fight recently about her selfishness and she said she wanted to be out of the wedding. Then a few days later, I asked if she meant that and she said of course not...bla bla bla... I told her she can be a part of it as long as she doesnt threaten ANYTHING with the wedding again and also to not cause any drama because I only get married once. I DO WANT HER IN THE WEDDING, SHE IS MY SISTER AND I LOVE HER...but only if she doesnt cause heartache and stress for me, thats all I ask of her. I dont talk wedding around her becuase she will say its "ALL ABOUT ME AND THE WEDDING" otherwise..which is never is or has been. CONGRATS TO ALL OF YOU BRIDES OUT THERE! THIS IS MINOR IN THE SCHEME OF EVERYTHING, LETS REMEMBER THAT :)
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