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bitchy BFF

nikki71888nikki71888
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in Moms and Maids

I just recently got engaged. And our wedding is in December due to the fact that I am also recently prego. I called my BFF to let her know about all the changes in my life and instead of excitement, she said "what'd you go do that for?!" I was pissed then she pretty much invited herself to be in my wedding. Which I would have asked her if she wouldn't have been such a snot. She has since apoligized but my feelings are still hurt as is my fiancee's. I want her in my wedding b/c of her response. I just dont know how to tell her without alienating the friendship. We have been friends for 12 years!!

We are having a destination wedding so I dont want her to start booking stuff!!!

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Re: bitchy BFF

  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What the hell? I don't even remotely understand your post because you're obviously skipping words.

    You have a fiance. You are a fiancee.

    Now that we got that cleared up, what exactly did your friend say other than "What'd you go and do that for?" What's so insulting exactly? Details?

    If she's apologized and she's being genuine, then freaking move on and invite her if you were going to anyway.

    I don't understand.
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  • nikki71888nikki71888
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    She reacted with a lecture about how I didnt wait til I was done with school and so forth. No excitement... nothing... It hurt my feelings... I rather someone punch me in the face...

    Yes, I was going to invite her anyways but it was like if she wasn't the MOH than she wasn't going to come. Now she says she'll come no matter what... I don't really believe her. I already told my other friend that she's the MOH.

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  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bitchy-bff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7559a73d-2df3-45e3-8c1c-d1b4d4541c42Post:32862e81-c609-40b6-92f8-c41fcf1ebd4e">Re: bitchy BFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]She reacted with a lecture about how I didnt wait til I was done with school and so forth. No excitement... nothing... It hurt my feelings... I rather someone punch me in the face... Yes, I was going to invite her anyways but it was like if she wasn't the MOH than she wasn't going to come. Now she says she'll come no matter what... I don't really believe her. I already told my other friend that she's the MOH.
    Posted by nikki71888[/QUOTE]

    If she's not supportive of the marriage and if you're not asking her to be in the BP then just don't invite her. Understand that this could end your friendship of 12 years. So maybe just trying talking to her about it first.
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  • NoellesmamaNoellesmama
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Her post wasn't that hard to read...

    But pregnancy hormones tend to make people crazy! I know I blew up on people a alot when I was preggo! LOL...talk to her about it and let her know your feelings! If you guys have been friends for that long, surely you can discuss issues right?
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bitchy-bff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7559a73d-2df3-45e3-8c1c-d1b4d4541c42Post:32862e81-c609-40b6-92f8-c41fcf1ebd4e">Re: bitchy BFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>She reacted with a lecture about how I didnt wait til I was done with school and so forth</strong>. No excitement... nothing... It hurt my feelings... I rather someone punch me in the face... Yes, I was going to invite her anyways but it was like if she wasn't the MOH than she wasn't going to come. Now she says she'll come no matter what... I don't really believe her. I already told my other friend that she's the MOH.
    Posted by nikki71888[/QUOTE]

    Please for the love of God say that you don't mean high school.
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  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bitchy-bff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7559a73d-2df3-45e3-8c1c-d1b4d4541c42Post:3e37d1cf-9a1b-4a9f-97f0-fa42dc1774b0">Re: bitchy BFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]Her post wasn't that hard to read... But pregnancy hormones tend to make people crazy! I know I blew up on people a alot when I was preggo! LOL...talk to her about it and let her know your feelings! If you guys have been friends for that long, surely you can discuss issues right?
    Posted by Noellesmama[/QUOTE]

    She didn't explain the reaction at all and then went on to say how pissed off she was by it. So yes. It was hard  to understand. Since I asked for clarification and since you had the luxury of reading it, I don't think you need to act all high and mighty about it.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Your friend was taken off guard by your news and didn't react the way you thought she would. Take few days to think about this. You have to decide if you are better of with or without this friend. Personally, I wouldn't dump a friend because of one conversation.
                       
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  • NoellesmamaNoellesmama
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    M.
    Who's acting all high school mighty?

    I'm not the one that said "What the hell? I don't even remotely understand your post because you're obviously skipping words."

    Ok....so she skipped some words...get off your high horse it wasn't that hard to "interpret" what she was trying to say.
    1. shes engaged
    2. she got knocked up
    3. her friend reacted unfavorably
    4. despite friends reaction to said pregnancy, friend decides to invite herself to wedding
    5. OP is pissed

    Was that easier?

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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Nikki--I can totally understand how you might be hurt by your friend's reaction.  Give her some time.  From her perspective, it probably feels like it's going really quick for you.  Congrats on your pregnancy and your upcoming wedding!

    Noellesmama--you might want to back off a bit.  M. didn't say anything that I wasn't thinking as well.  She followed up with some advice, as well.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bitchy-bff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7559a73d-2df3-45e3-8c1c-d1b4d4541c42Post:b345852b-30cf-45a4-830a-1bf00895ae74">Re: bitchy BFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]M. Who's acting all high school mighty? I'm not the one that said " What the hell? I don't even remotely understand your post because you're obviously skipping words. " Ok....so she skipped some words...get off your high horse it wasn't that hard to "interpret" what she was trying to say. 1. shes engaged 2. she got knocked up 3. her friend reacted unfavorably 4. despite friends reaction to said pregnancy, friend decides to invite herself to wedding 5. OP is pissed Was that easier?
    Posted by Noellesmama[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hell yes, can you do that more often? lol But seriously, I did have to reread it over a few times to get the gist of her friend and being, not being in the WP, or invited, it was a kind of hard to get what she was trying to say at first (even second glance).</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, it sounds like your friend is in shock and sometimes people can initially collect themselves fast enough to mutter out a congrats or just be brutally honest of what has been told to them. It looks like she went the brutally honest way. But seriously, maybe an honest talk with her would help clear things up, specially if you want her to be at or in the wedding (since I'm still confused about that).</div>
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Besides the advice that OP listed...

    She apologized. It's up to you now to forgive and forget, or hold a grudge and probably ruin a friendship of 12 years.

    Her reaction does sound a bit rude, but she also apologized meaning she acknowledges that. She did the adult thing, and now it's your turn.
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  • NoellesmamaNoellesmama
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    But of course :)

    It was a little confusing, but either way there was no need for M. to react the way she did.


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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bitchy-bff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7559a73d-2df3-45e3-8c1c-d1b4d4541c42Post:98415a2f-807c-4a02-9eea-c6b32aaa931e">Re: bitchy BFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]But of course :) It was a little confusing, but either way there was no need for M. to react the way she did.
    Posted by Noellesmama[/QUOTE]

    She didn't react much worse than you reacted to her. It was a difficult post to understand, and M was merely correcting the confusing bits. It took me a few times to read it as well.
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  • NoellesmamaNoellesmama
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yes, but the difference between my post and hers I didn't post something rude until provoked. So actually there is a bit of a difference.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didn't see it as rude. She said it was hard for her to understand and that words were skipped. Saying "what the hell?" doesn't mean she was rude, some people just use that as an expression. Then OP clarified the situation for her and M offered her advice from what she understood the situation to be.

    It is difficult to read into tone over a message board, though. It really isn't a big deal.
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