MOG wants to leave out her brother's guest because he's gay.

rzel2000

I think I know the answer to this already- but I want validation, I guess.  I am the MOB and rec'd email from MOG not to invite a guest on her own brother's invitation. I asked my daughter why and she thinks it's because MOG's brother is gay and MOG doesn't want him to bring someone.  I would never consider doing such a thing and told my daughter that I will also invite a guest - despite the email.  We are hosting the entire reception btw.  My future son in law suggested that it might be that his mom has offered to pay airline costs for her brother and could not afford him to bring a guest.  I think it would be understood that his guest would have to pay his own way if he wanted to attend.  Any suggestions?

jilld82

Let your FSIL handle it.  It's his mother so he should be the one to deal with it.

RebeccaB88

Your instincts are right on.  Just because she's willing to be insufferably rude to her own brother, doesn't mean that you have to be.  You pay, you say.

MairePoppy

That would be rude to invite the uncle without a guest, if the other adults are allowed to bring a guest or if he has a significant other. You are the host of the reception, so you set the tone. Tell FSIL that you are giving his uncle a +1, so he can give his mom a heads up. If the uncle has a significant other, get his name so you can address the invitation properly.
I don't thing the MOG is going to take this so well, so good luck : )

SirJuliusVonHaast

Basically what she is doing is telling you to be rude, and of course you don't have to listen. I would either tell her directly or pass on via FSIL that you feel it is rude to invite him without a guest, and you won't do that. If she throws a fit, tell her that you're sorry, but you are the one hosting and you don't feel comfortable treating the guests rudely (or a nicer way to say this, if there is one). 

jcamm11

Well, she's definitely way out of line.  Honestly, I don't think there's a way you can handle this without her being upset.  Maybe just reply and say sorry hun, I can't host a party and not invite someone's s/o - it's just not in me.  You're going to have to ailienate your family on your own dime!

ETA:  I disagree with PP's who say to put your FSIL in the middle.  If MOG was using the kids as a messenger, that would be different, but she emailed you.  You don't have to respond to her email, but involving FSIL could be really stressful for him.

Faburaw

That is unbelievably rude of her. If she's not contributing she doesn't have say...plus it's rude anyway, to leave someone out like that.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wants-leave-out-her-brothers-guest-because-hes-gay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:77106b4b-de67-4e16-9f51-2afea7d96053Post:73428a75-94c2-4d5a-aa68-b027397c98c9">Re: MOG wants to leave out her brother's guest because he's gay.</a>:
[QUOTE] ETA:  I disagree with PP's who say to put your FSIL in the middle.  If MOG was using the kids as a messenger, that would be different, but she emailed you.  You don't have to respond to her email, but involving FSIL could be really stressful for him.
Posted by jcamm11[/QUOTE]

This.

How sad that people can't get over their own problems.  I can't believe she willingly emailed you and expected others to uphold her hate.  Invite the uncle and his guest.  You pay, you say. 

marinabreeze

I hate stuff like this.  I agree with PPs.  Invite the uncle with a guest.  Who he chooses to bring is his business.  If the MOG has a problem with that, that's for her and her brother to sort out, presumably they're adults.  Issues she might have about the life he leads, etc., have no place in the invite process.

heinz11msw

That is soooo mean and discrimminatory. It is 2011. I wish people were not still like this Please ignore her request.

seasidebride24

I agree with PPs, just ignore her request.  I'm currently dealing with a similar situation except my Fi's parents are divorced and his dad is currently in a long term relationship with a very nice man.  FMIL claims that everything is friendly between them but didn't include an "and guest" for him when she wrote up the guest list even though she included every other persons "and guest" or SO.  But my parents are hosting and aren't about to be rude so they decided to do the right thing.
Even if you don't include the uncle's SO's name on the invite, at least include the "and guest" so that he knows he is welcome to have a date for this occasion!

[Deleted User]

You should definately invite him with a guest. Chances are your daughter's future in-laws will never even know, because I am sure that this woman's brother knows how she feels about his sexuality. If he has never brought a SO to other family events, it is a slim chance that he would do so at something as big as a wedding.

courtney1188

Personally, I would play dumb about her issue with him being gay, and be like, "Oh really, it's no trouble to invite him with a guest. If you're worried about the budget don't be, he's just one more person, we can certainly make room for that."

That pretty much forces her to either shut up about it or admit that she doesn't want him bringing a same-sex date. If she chooses the latter, I really don't think I would even respond.

ootmother2

Ignore the request to omit her brother's guest. 

If you're hosting the wedding, it's your call, not hers.

Kniblet

Ditto oot.  Well said.

perkins81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-wants-leave-out-her-brothers-guest-because-hes-gay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:77106b4b-de67-4e16-9f51-2afea7d96053Post:e548c11f-9a95-4ed0-a5cb-f7cbfd1801f6">Re: MOG wants to leave out her brother's guest because he's gay.</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I would play dumb about her issue with him being gay, and be like, "Oh really, it's no trouble to invite him with a guest. If you're worried about the budget don't be, he's just one more person, we can certainly make room for that." That pretty much forces her to either shut up about it or admit that she doesn't want him bringing a same-sex date. If she chooses the latter, I really don't think I would even respond.
Posted by courtney1188[/QUOTE]

Totally agree! Very well said.