Moms and Maids

Involving my MIL

I need help finding a way to involve my MIL without giving up control. I love to plan and worry about sharing planning abilities because I want to make sure to stay on budget.

I am looking for any recommendations on how to best involve my MIL. I know this day is as important to her as it is to me because I'm marrying her only child. I want her to feel a part of it.

Please let me know what you think I can involve her on!

Re: Involving my MIL

  • edited December 2011
    Well, I would say the best way is to ask her what she is interested in helping with, then giving her the budget for that task and some guidelines. For example, it's really important to my parents to have good dessert. We agreed on the budget, and they are deciding whether they want to do a dessert bar, cakes, etc. I am also the type who is hesitant to relinquish control sometimes, but this was a good compromise for us and one more thing off my plate. Perhaps she could help call vendors and collect information. Really, the key is to just make sure it's something she WANTS to do -- talk to her about how SHE wants to be involved, and work it out from there.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_involving-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b8a5e1d-0037-43f8-bd95-5613f3dc4fd1Post:f5dd57fe-9c9b-423c-9371-d8a5cab9bfa2">Involving my MIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need help finding a way to involve my MIL without giving up control.
    Posted by ktunderwood[/QUOTE]

    Well you have to find something you'd be willing to give up a little control on. And I agree with pp it has to be something she's interested in.

    For all you know, she doesn't want to plan at all and just wants to be updated and occasionally asked for advice (like how she wants the programs to read, and you can show her the dresses and such). I know when my brother got married, my mom just loved oohing and awwing over the type of dresses my SIL was considering.
  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Depends what you  mean by "involve." When I got married the first time, I kept MIL up to date on all our decisions and showed her either pictures or samples of everything we had chosen -- but it was after it was chosen. So I showed her a picture of me in the wedding gown after it was ordered, brought her the whole invitation suite to see after we received it, etc.

    She felt involved and I know she appreciated being a part of what was going on, but I never asked her for her opinion on anything before it was selected or asked her to do anything for the wedding.

    So, how "involved" do you want her to be?
  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pps-- what kind of involved are you looking for her to be? I would wait for her to volunteer to help with DIY stuff or anything of the sort, especially if you are a hands on person. However, it would probably be a nice thought to write her a letter or something to update her on what you and her son have planned so that she feels like she is valued. I did this for my FMIL-- she lives on the other side of the country and we aren't in contact a lot, but I sent her a letter explaining our wedding plans-- flower choices, colors, what the BMs are wearing, etc. She isn't very interested, but it still helps her stay in the loop. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_involving-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b8a5e1d-0037-43f8-bd95-5613f3dc4fd1Post:e3f8f338-097a-40b1-b31e-12ac3514ce0e">Re: Involving my MIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]Depends what you  mean by "involve." When I got married the first time, I kept MIL up to date on all our decisions and showed her either pictures or samples of everything we had chosen -- but it was after it was chosen. So I showed her a picture of me in the wedding gown after it was ordered, brought her the whole invitation suite to see after we received it, etc. She felt involved and I know she appreciated being a part of what was going on, but I never asked her for her opinion on anything before it was selected or asked her to do anything for the wedding. So, how "involved" do you want her to be?
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]


    This is exactly what I am doing with FMIL, since everytime I showed her somthing she had opinions or suggestions how it could be "better" omg...i wanted to scream. Now I show her and tell her its done.
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