Moms and Maids
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My MOH: Stuck between a rock and a hard place

My best friend and I have always assumed that, when I got married, she would be my MOH. It was like it was always a given and there have never been any doubts about it until now. Lately, her behavior in all areas of her life have demonstrated that she isn't exactly the most reliable person. It started with little things I would brush off, but she's recently flaked out on me on a number of occasions, some of them kind of important. She's also failed to follow through on several promises. I feel like I can't really trust her word anymore. This makes me nervous for when I officially name my bridesmaids and MOH. I'm afraid that she'll flake out on me when I really need her the most. My FH is also concerned about her behavior and is strongly opposed to me making her a bridesmaid at all because he doesn't want to see me get hurt. I'm starting to agree with him, but I'm nout sure how I should go about picking another MOH or completely exluding her from the bridal party, should it come to that. I don't know if I can trust her, but after our history together and all of those assumptions, I'm worried about the heart break and the fallout.

Any suggestions?

Re: My MOH: Stuck between a rock and a hard place

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    duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Are you worried she won't buy her dress and show up?  If yes, then that is perhaps an issue.  If not, then there is nothing to worry about.  That is all she is required to do.  Anything else she does is just icing on the cake.

    You may damage the friendship if you exclude her altogether.  Only you can decide if it is really worth it.
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    duckie pretty much summed it up. 

    If your friend can get a dress (that you personally ask each person what their budget is), and show up sober, smiling on your wedding day then there is zero reasons for her not to be made a bridesmaid unless its a deeper friendship issue where you guys are drifting apart.

    Your MOH and your bridesmaids do not have to do parties, showers, help you with wedding planning, making favors, invites, etc. All that stuff is extra gifts and kind gestures, but they are definitely not required.
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    edited December 2011
    Yes, that makes sense. I'm just concerned (because she'll do this sort of thing often) that she'll be all on board with being the MOH, saying she's going to plan the party (she's already told me she'd like to) and start getting it under way, then drop everything in the middle of it without much of an excuse. She has a habit of making grandiose plans and then not going through with them or backing out last minute. That's where my concern is coming from. If she hadn't expressed intent to handle parties and showers and all that, then I wouldn't be so worried about her reliability.
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    You technically shouldn't be involved with the planning. If she starts and drops it, then maybe one of your other BMs will pick up the peices, maybe they won't and then you won't have a party. It sucks, but that's just the way it is.

    If you are worried about naming her MOH, then don't have a MOH. My FI has two people he wants to name BM and I have two friends that are running on 15-20 years of friendship, we're simply not having those titles.

    If you exclude her, you will have a friendship issue on your hands. Unless you're willing to stop being friends with her, you need to give her the benefit of the doubt that she will buy a dress and show up.

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    edited December 2011
    Thanks! These posts have been very helpful. :)
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    faeriechyldfaeriechyld member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Is your friend close to the other girls that would be your other BMs?  Maybe some other accountability and help with some of the extra things that she wants to plan (like your bachelorette party and any showers) will keep her from being such a flake.  Like everyone else said, she's not required to do anything besides wear the dress of your choice on the big day so maybe you should wrangle your other BMs to help her out if she wants to do other things.
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