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Another FMIL Shower Drama

Hi everyone!

Nathan and I are getting married on 11/26/11, so it seems like it's a little early for family drama, but that's not the case.  Nathan is originally from IN, but moved to NJ to be with me.  Since our lives are here, we've decided to hold the wedding here.  We picked Thanksgiving wknd bc we knew a lot of people would have off of work and be able to travel.  Also, we live near NYC, so many people are making the wknd a vacation.

My FMIL goes back and forth btwn being excited for us and angry that we're getting married here.  She's already asked that my mother plan my shower for the summer before our wedding so that she and my FI's sisters can attend.  There are 2 issues with this--their school year runs from Aug-May and mine (I'm a teacher) runs from Sept-June.  Basically, we'll have to have the shower in July, a full four months before my wedding! 

I'm really not happy about rushing my shower for three people.  Also, I feel like since my mother is paying for and planning the shower, she really should pick the best time for her.  I would be more than happy to travel to IN for a shower from my FI's family. 

How do we deal with this without shutting my FMIL out?

Re: Another FMIL Shower Drama

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    edited December 2011
    I would try to be accomodating. 

    I have a shower at the end of July and we are not getting married until mid-October. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp. Your wedding is as important to his mom as it is to your mom. You have good reasons to have the wedding on the east coast, but you should still be sympathetic to your FMIL's disappointment. I hope some of her family members are going to be able to attend your wedding.

    It's nice that FMIL and FSIL are willing to travel for the shower. Please do what you can to accommodate them. Four months isn't so bad. And they were considerate enough to give plenty of advance notice. I attended a shower that was held  seven months before the wedding. It was the only time the bride could return to the east coast before the wedding. And you know what? Everyone was happy and excited to be there.
                       
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice and thanks for talking me down from the bridezilla ledge!

     I'm definitely grateful that my FILs want to come out for my shower. I completely understand being sympathetic to their travel restrictions and distance--after all, I give up every Christmas with my family to be with their family because my FI doesn't get to see them.  I think I'm more sensitive about it because of FMIL's attitude is so drastic--she's screaming at my FI one minute about our plans and then calling me FDIL and saying how excited she is for me to join their family.  I never know which side of FMILzilla I'll get!  Part of me feels bad for my mom too b/c it will definitely cost her more (she's already checked everything out--she's super organized, like me) to host in the summer and it isn't something she necessarily wants to do (change the time frame).  I feel like I'm in the middle of the two families and it's hard to make everyone happy.
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is really your mother's decision.  If your FMIL brings it up to you, just tell her that you aren't involved in planning the shower, and she should talk to your mom.  If the cost difference is too much for your mom, then she can be the one to break that news to FMIL.  If your mom is willing to host the shower in July, then I think you should go along with it, even though it's a little early.
    Married 10/2/10
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    skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think 4 months is too early and people that are attending will most likely be close enough to you to understand if any of them do think 4 months is too early.
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    edited December 2011
    I had my 1st shower mid-June and my wedding date isn't until 10/10/10
    Another friend of mine has had ALL of her showers over 1 weekend - 2 weeks ago. Her wedding is the weekend before mine.

    I say try to be accomodating. I think it's nice that your FMIL and SIL's want to be there to meet everyone. I think that would mean a lot to me if i were in your position.

    I wouldn't stress about it yet anyways, it's a full year away+....you'll have more important stuff to worry about other than attending a shower - beleive me (and likely the other brides) :-)
    Take care and have fun!! Best of luck!!
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