BLAH!

MegOhSix489

I guess I can start by saying that my mom and I have never had a great relationship, but thats whole other story. I was really hoping that wedding planning would help us to get closer. She is all about everyone else getting married and putting her ideas towards their weddings, however she wants nothing to do with mine. I've tried hard to get her excited, even tried to get her to talk about her own wedding but she wont. She calls me from work telling me all of the ideas that her co-workers have such as getting married on the beach or that she would pay to send us on a cruise and we could get married there. In suggesting far away places she's trying to get me not to get married in FI's town, he's catholic so were getting married in his church which is 2 hrs from my house. Every suggestion is about sending us away somewhere and its frustrating that she only wants to talk about it with her co-workers. I guess our wedding is a long way away, May 2013, however she could pretend to be excited. Has anyone else been through this? I guess she isnt obligated to be involved, but it sure would be nice. Any suggestions on how to get her excited? Sorry this was so long...

Thanks!

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_blah?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8756477f-447e-4bf7-95ab-1eee30962235Post:8a2a47c2-9748-41f1-b19b-a95fc3719ed0">BLAH!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I can start by saying that my mom and I have never had a great relationship, but thats whole other story. <strong>I was really hoping that wedding planning would help us to get closer. </strong>She is all about everyone else getting married and putting her ideas towards their weddings, however she wants nothing to do with mine. I've tried hard to get her excited, even tried to get her to talk about her own wedding but she wont. She calls me from work telling me all of the ideas that her co-workers have such as getting married on the beach or that she would pay to send us on a cruise and we could get married there. In suggesting far away places she's trying to get me not to get married in FI's town, he's catholic so were getting married in his church which is 2 hrs from my house. Every suggestion is about sending us away somewhere and its frustrating that she only wants to talk about it with her co-workers. I guess our wedding is a long way away, May 2013, however she could pretend to be excited. Has anyone else been through this? I guess she isnt obligated to be involved, but it sure would be nice. Any suggestions on how to get her excited? Sorry this was so long... Thanks!
Posted by MegOhSix489[/QUOTE]
Mistake.  People don't change just because you're getting married.  You know your mother is a pain, you know that you've never really gotten along with her.  Accept that and stop trying to drag her kicking and screaming into something she's never going to be.

Also, no one is ever going to be as excited about your wedding as you are.  Your wedding is over two years away.  It will show up on everyone else's radar around the end of 2012.  You're going to cause yourself a lot of heartache if you expect anyone and everyone to be into it before then.  It's just not realistic.

mgietler76

Your wedding isn't for another 2 years, while you can't make someone more excited about your wedding you certainly can cool off on all the details. Give yourself some time to enjoy being engaged right now and try to mend your relationship with your mom, a wedding won't do that for you.

2 years is a very long time to be consumed with wedding stuff, I got engaged this past July and the wedding is this March I'm sick of talking about it sometimes! LOL

HappinessByTheKilowatt

I would absolutely not be excited for a wedding that isn't happening for two years. I would tell you to talk to me in about 14 months. Give her a break, and reapproach the subject at a later date.

MegOhSix489

Always feels great to be told not to be excited about something very special. I guess I wouldnt be upset if she wasnt the one who said to look at things, we chose Memorial Day so we want to book in advance, as in this summer. By excited I dont mean jumping up  and down screaming and crying and wanting to look at every single thing, just interested. Oh well.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_blah?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8756477f-447e-4bf7-95ab-1eee30962235Post:da043515-252f-49e7-824d-486c3ffb4b5a">Re: BLAH!</a>:
[QUOTE]Always feels great to be told not to be excited about something very special. I guess I wouldnt be upset if she wasnt the one who said to look at things, we chose Memorial Day so we want to book in advance, as in this summer. By excited I dont mean jumping up  and down screaming and crying and wanting to look at every single thing, just interested. Oh well.
Posted by MegOhSix489[/QUOTE]
You really need a perspective adjustment here.  You're going to burn yourself out if you try to keep things weddingweddingwedding 24/7 from now until May 2013.  I had an engagement just shy of two years, and there were several stretches (we're talking months at a time) when I myself didn't give a damn about it.  Ultimately, it's just a party.  It's a fun and special party, but still just a party.  And for everyone but you and your FI, it's someone else's party.  If you keep your expectations of people so unrealistically high, they can only disappoint you and you'll spend your entire engagement complaing about how nobody likes you and no one cares about you when that's not likely true.

No one's telling you that you can't be excited.  We're telling you that you can't expect others to care about a wedding as much as the bride does, especially when it's so far in the future that it's just an abstract idea.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_blah?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8756477f-447e-4bf7-95ab-1eee30962235Post:da043515-252f-49e7-824d-486c3ffb4b5a">Re: BLAH!</a>:
[QUOTE]Always feels great to be told not to be excited about something very special. I guess I wouldnt be upset if she wasnt the one who said to look at things, we chose Memorial Day so we want to book in advance, as in this summer. By excited I dont mean jumping up  and down screaming and crying and wanting to look at every single thing, just interested. Oh well.
Posted by MegOhSix489[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><div style="background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;font-size:10px;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;">They didn't say you can't be excited their explaining why others including your mother might not be. Plus you rejected her idea of getting married on a cruise and even though you have every right to do that you possibly put her off by it and now she thinks that if she gives her opinion about something that you are going to reject it. It's possible that she is more excited about other people's wedding because she can give ideas and if people reject them then it's nothing personal to her, but with you (her daughter) who already have some closeness issues, when you reject her idea she possibly takes it more personally. Basically, you can't really make anyone get more interested in your wedding, trust me if there was a trick out there many Brides would be using it. </div><div style="background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;font-size:10px;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;">
</div><div style="background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;font-size:10px;font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;">The only thing you can do is just continue your planning and fine people who want to talk wedding (theknot boards are a great place to bounce ideas off), if your mom asks about the wedding then great but I would say if she isn't interested (specially with 2 years out) don't try to force the subject because you will most likely be disappointed and irritated that she isn't interested enough for you. </div>
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