Hey all, I tried posting this in the other forum, although for some reason it's not showing up. This thread has to do with FIL's. I couldn't find a board focused on inlaws in general. Feel free to correct me if i'm wrong. Thanks.
I really need to vent. This has been building up inside of me for months. I will eventually explode. This is very long, I’ll try my best do describe the situation in an understanding manner.
So here goes..... My fiancé’s parents have 7 boys all which are adults. His parents are currently struggling financially.
Here is where it all started...... FFIL retired when he was around 40 if not sooner. He is now 58. Over the years FMIL brought in income by taking in foster children, babysitting, and working as a cashier. Another source of income is taking in rent from the still at home boys including my FI at $400 per son. Their total current rent intake is 1,600 not being claimed on taxes, $2000 a month babysitting ($500per month per child). Right there is $3600 a month with house payments only being $600 a month.
Four years ago my FFIL asked my fiancé to take out a loan with the parents promising to pay him back. (At the time I didn’t know this). My FI felt obligated to help as he thought it was to help with house payments. Later on he found out it was for a trailer. Another brother was asked to loan 10,000 which he did (wife didn’t know at the time either). Then there was the eldest brother who was asked to borrow another 10,000 (his wife knew about it and put a stop to it). On top of all this some how the parents have access to 3 of the boys bank accounts (taking money out for personal use). FFIL finally sold the trailer and spent that 10,000 including another 10,000 from the other son, and got another 10,000 somewhere else to start a jewellery business, instead of paying the loan off for my FI.
Currently the FIL’s are telling the sons that they “filed” for bankruptcy. Not only are the sons paying for rent they are paying $50 each here and there for groceries. My FI had to pay $100 for pizza (which he doesn’t even like or eat), his dad over ordered. His dad needed glasses so for his birthday the boys all gave him money for new glasses. He pissed the money away on crap. They have no working vehicle so the one brother offered to buy his mother a used van “FFIL heard about this and said “take your F*#&%* van and shove it, I won’t be seen in a van”. I’m sick of my FI being on demand to drive them places.
Before all of this “money situation happened” FIL’s said they would pay for the liquor for the wedding. Now they cancelled out and are throwing demands left and right of what “they want”. My FI is so far in debt now due to the loan and his own school payments that we can’t get a mortgage for a house. (Credit gone bad).
All of us wifey’s feel the boys are being taken advantage of. The father won’t get off his butt to get a job apparently he’s got a “disability”. Even though he lifts weights for 2 hours which he got my FI for buy for him. And brags how he can do “squats”. They won’t seek financial help either. We girls are also sick of the boy’s father telling us girls that “it’s not our fault that your parents make more money than us” and “Maybe the boys should go get money from your parents”. Yes our parents are financially better off because they work hard and save money (and no we don’t brag about money). Now that us wifey’s discuss the situation, we are getting snapped at a constantly by his parents. We discuss it with our wonderful FI’s and husbands, but they are too kind hearted to say no when help is asked by the parents. The boys were also brought up to “respect and support” their parents.
Eventually when all the boys move out there will be a lot less income coming in and no form of transportation with a 1,400 sq ft house... then what happens?
Are we over reacting? help? advice? Anything is appreciated! We are struggling with the sons feeling guilty that we think we need to take matters into our own hands.